


Studies in Evolution of Affection

by onemechanicalalligator



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Canon Autistic Character, Coming Out, Conversations, Dating, First Kiss, Food Issues, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Injury, Just So Much Boys Kissing, M/M, Nightmares, Romantic Fluff, Sensory Overload, Sexting, Sexual Content, Stimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:47:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 42,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24974818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onemechanicalalligator/pseuds/onemechanicalalligator
Summary: He had never given too much thought to the idea of him and Jeff together, aside from a few half-hearted runs in the Dreamatorium, because it just didn’t seem likely, and Abed could spend his time pursuing more realistic scenarios. Now, though, he wonders if that’s part of what draws him to Jeff -- the fact that this is one plotline he hasn’t excessively overanalyzed. Maybe that’s what makes this interesting, what makes it possible.Jeff and Abed getting together and snippets of their life as a couple.
Relationships: Abed Nadir/Jeff Winger
Comments: 250
Kudos: 309





	1. The One Where They Don't Watch a Movie

Annie is the one who invites Jeff over to have a movie night with her and Troy and Abed, and she’s also the one to call Jeff in a panic a few hours later to say that she and Troy forgot they have an extra credit event at Greendale that night. Jeff is already at the apartment when she calls, standing by the buzzer, so he decides to stay anyway and watch the movie with Abed.

They don’t hang out very often, just him and Abed, and Jeff has been more aware of that lately. He’s not sure what’s changed, but he finds himself taking more notice of Abed’s presence. More notice of Abed in general. Abed has a tendency to let himself blend in with the scenery sometimes, only taking the spotlight when he does something awkward or crazy. But lately Jeff finds himself glancing over at him during study group or in class, wanting to spend more time with him.

When Jeff gets inside the apartment, he finds Abed sitting on the couch watching something on TV, a bowl of Lucky Charms in one hand and a can of Diet Squirt in the other.

“Why do you drink _Diet_ Squirt when your dinner is literally just sugar?” he asks, and Abed startles, the milk swirling dangerously in his bowl. Apparently he didn’t notice when Jeff opened the door.

“I’ve always drank Diet Squirt,” Abed replies, finally dragging his eyes away from the TV. “I don’t like how regular Squirt makes my teeth feel.”

“But don’t the Lucky Charms--”

“If you want me to explain my food quirks to you, we’re going to be here for a very, very long time,” Abed says. “It’s your call.”

“Fair enough,” Jeff says, but he’s thinking, _that wouldn’t necessarily be so bad, spending that time with Abed, getting to know more about him._

“What do you want to watch?” Abed asks.

“I don’t know,” Jeff replies. “I kind of thought you guys would have picked something out already.”

“We didn’t get that far before Troy and Annie realized they had to leave,” Abed explains. “But I’m up for pretty much anything. Within reason.”

“No _Phantom Menace?”_

Abed’s eyes go wide and Jeff starts to laugh. It takes a second, but then Abed joins in, and Jeff sits down on the couch next to him. _This is nice,_ he thinks. _We should do this more._

Abed is staring at him and Jeff realizes he said something, and Jeff missed it.

“Sorry, what?” Jeff asks, blushing, and then wonders why he’s blushing, because it’s just _Abed._

“I was asking why you’ve been acting like the lead in a romantic comedy,” Abed says, and it’s not sarcastic, he’s actually just asking.

“I...haven't been?” Jeff replies, and now he’s _really_ blushing, which isn’t going to help him make his case.

“It’s not bad,” Abed says. “I kind of like it, actually.”

“You do?” Jeff doesn’t know what he expected Abed to say, but it definitely wasn’t that.

“Yeah,” Abed says. “It’s kind of a different side of you, and it seems more real somehow.”

“What do you mean?” 

“You’re looking at me differently,” Abed says. “Like you actually want to be with me, you’re not just tolerating me because that’s what you’re supposed to do.”

“Hey, I like spending time with you.”

“Sometimes,” Abed agrees. “But I know I can be difficult. And I know you have weird priorities sometimes.”

Jeff can’t really argue with any of that, so he doesn’t. He finds himself scooting closer to Abed, close enough to feel the warmth radiating off of his skin, to breathe in the scent of milk and marshmallows and artificially-sweetened grapefruit soda.

“I’m working on my priorities,” Jeff says absently, and Abed nods.

“You know,” Abed says, “I’m terrible at reading people, but I’ve gotten pretty good at observation when facial expressions and emotions aren’t involved. I can usually tell when things change.”

“Oh?”

“You’ve been looking at me more often. You came over to hang out with me tonight even when Troy and Annie had to leave. You’re sitting so close to me that we’re almost touching. And you keep blushing. That’s why I said you’re acting like the lead in a romantic comedy. And I’m wondering if I’m supposed to be acting opposite you. If that’s what you want.”

They’ve been friends for years but sometimes Jeff is still surprised by how direct Abed can be. He doesn’t beat around the bush and he doesn’t get shy or embarrassed. He just goes for it, and Jeff is jealous, he wishes he were more like that.

He also doesn’t know how to respond, because clearly Abed has thought this through, and Jeff hasn’t, not really. He thinks he should tell Abed that he’s wrong, that he’s misread the situation, and he knows that if he did, Abed would apologize and move on and it would never be an issue. And he’s going over what to say, thinking about the best way to phrase it, but he can’t, because his brain is screaming, _be honest, tell him that’s exactly what you want._

The certainty in that thought is all it takes, and he knows he won’t be able to make this go away, he doesn’t want to make this go away.

“Yeah,” he says, looking at Abed, whose eyes are large and bright. “I think that is what I want, Abed. Is...is that what _you_ want?”

“Honestly, it’s not a simulation I’ve run very often in the Dreamatorium,” he says carefully.

_“Very often?”_ Jeff interjects.

“I run all the scenarios,” Abed says, brushing him off. “Anyway, I haven’t really considered it much, but now that I’m thinking about it and sitting here next to you, I kind of want to kiss you. Like, a lot.” He bites his lip.

“I didn’t even know you liked guys,” Jeff says.

“I didn’t know you did, either,” Abed shoots back. “Communication is maybe not our strong suit. We should work on that, if this...becomes anything.”

“Like a relationship?” Jeff asks warily.

“Slow down," Abed replies. "I haven’t even kissed you yet."

“What are you waiting f--”

He’s interrupted by Abed’s mouth on his, and Jeff doesn’t know what he expected, but Abed’s kiss is deep and strong and practiced. Jeff lets his mouth open up and Abed’s tongue is warm and sweet. Jeff loses himself in the sensation. He puts both hands on Abed’s waist, and it takes almost no effort to pull Abed up and over so he’s straddling Jeff. Abed takes the opportunity to escalate the kiss, running a hand through Jeff’s hair and rocking forward on Jeff’s lap.

Jeff nips at Abed’s lip with his teeth, runs his hands up under Abed’s shirt, and Abed whimpers. He rolls his hips against Jeff again until they are both panting, until the rest of the world seems to disappear.

“We should...other room…” Abed gasps.

“Which room? When...when are Troy and…”

“I don’t know.” Abed sits back and takes a second to catch his breath. “For the first time I’m realizing how inconvenient it is that my bedroom is a blanket fort with no door that I share with another man.”

_“Shit,”_ Jeff says. “I didn’t even think of that.”

“I’m not sure what to--”

“Come to my place,” Jeff interrupts. “I’ll drive.”

“Okay,” Abed says without hesitation. He stands up and grabs Jeff’s hand, and they head to the parking lot.

“I don’t know if I’d call this a comedy,” Abed remarks once they’re in the car. “But I think we’re nailing the romance part so far.”

Jeff can’t help himself. He leans over and gives Abed a kiss on the cheek, appreciating the smile that immediately spreads across his face. Abed takes Jeff’s hand, lacing their fingers together, and Jeff starts the car, eager for what comes next.


	2. The One With the Morning After

Abed wakes up wrapped in Jeff’s arms, and it’s a good thing, because he thinks it would be disorienting to wake up undressed and alone in someone else’s bed. As it is, he feels safe and warm, and it’s nice. Abed isn’t new to sex, but he is new to spending the night. To be honest, this was the first time he ever even wanted to.

He closes his eyes again and lets memories of the night before wash over him. He had never given too much thought to the idea of him and Jeff together, aside from a few half-hearted runs in the Dreamatorium, because it just didn’t seem likely, and Abed could spend his time pursuing more realistic scenarios. Now, though, he wonders if that’s part of what draws him to Jeff -- the fact that this is one plotline he hasn’t excessively overanalyzed. Maybe that’s what makes this interesting, what makes it possible.

Suddenly he’s startled by the sound of his cell phone vibrating on the nightstand. He reaches for it, and it's Annie calling, and that's when he remembers that he never texted Troy or Annie last night to tell them that he wouldn’t be home.

Jeff is still asleep, and Abed feels bad waking him up. He’s seen a lot of movies, though, and he knows what will happen if he tries to talk to his roommates before making sure he and Jeff are on the same page about things. He’s not in the mood for a miscommunication or a misunderstanding. Actually, pretty much any kind of plot that starts with “mis-” is bad news. So he squirms in Jeff’s arms, hoping Jeff will wake up by the time he fully extracts himself. 

He does. For a second he looks confused, like he’s surprised to see Abed in his bed, but then his face relaxes into a smile.

“Morning,” he says, his voice a little rough. “How’d you sleep?”

“Fine,” Abed says. “But I forgot to text Troy and Annie last night and now they’re calling and I thought we should decide together what to tell them.”

“Tell them?” Jeff asks, and Abed thinks that sleepy Jeff is pretty adorable.

“About why I didn’t come home last night.”

“Right,” Jeff says. “Sorry. I’m not awake. Can we talk while I make coffee?”

“Yup,” Abed says, reaching to pick his pants up from the floor beside the bed. “But first, do you know where my shirt is?”

“Uh, no, actually,” Jeff says, standing up and glancing around. “But I’ll grab you something. Hold on.” He opens a drawer and tosses a Greendale t-shirt on the bed.

Abed dresses quickly, pulling on his skinny jeans and then the shirt, which hangs loosely and smells like Jeff even though Abed is pretty sure he’s never seen him wear it before. He steps out into the kitchen as Jeff measures coffee into the filter.

“I have to text Troy or Annie,” Abed says as he sits down. “Or else they’re going to get worried.”

“Okay,” Jeff says. “What do you think we should tell them?”

“I have no problem telling the truth,” Abed says. “I thought you might, though. That’s why I waited.”

“It’s not like I’m ashamed or anything,” Jeff says warily. “But I’m also not, like…” He trails off.

“Out,” Abed says helpfully.

“Yeah. And I didn’t, you know, plan this.” He gestures vaguely at the air between them. “Not that I regret it,” he adds quickly. “Because I don’t.”

“It’s a lot all at once,” Abed says. “For me, too. But also, I don’t want us to be like you and Britta.”

“Oh, god, no,” Jeff says, horrified. “We’re not...that’s not what this is, Abed. I promise.”

Abed is relieved, because sneaking around having sex behind the study group's back isn’t at all what he wants, and he didn’t think that’s what Jeff wanted, but it’s nice to have confirmation.

“I can just tell them we came over here to watch the movie,” Abed says. “And it got late and I decided to sleep here. We can leave out the sex part.” 

“Okay,” Jeff says. “Yeah. That’s good for now. And we can just kind of...see how things go?”

“Yes,” Abed replies. “But if we end up in an actual relationship, we have to tell them. I don’t like the secret lover trope. It always ends badly and it’s just kind of generally sleazy.”

“All right,” Jeff says slowly. “I think I can work with that.”

“Good,” Abed replies. 

He picks up his phone and begins typing:

**Sorry I forgot to text. Jeff and I decided to watch the movie at his place and I crashed here. I’ll be home soon.**

Approximately 0.4 seconds later he gets a response from Annie:

**Oh my god, I was so worried!!!!! I’ll let Troy know, too!!!!!!**

Abed decides not to comment on Annie’s excessive use of exclamation points. They’ve had that discussion enough times already. 

He also decides not to bring up the fact that he’s an adult and she doesn’t have to worry just because he doesn’t come home one night. They can have that discussion in person another time. 

Finally, he decides there’s no reason to text her back at all, so he doesn’t.

“Okay, that’s taken care of,” he says, putting the phone down. “Now what?”

Jeff comes around the counter to where Abed is sitting and stands, facing him.

“Now this,” he says, and leans in to kiss Abed, and Abed thinks that making out with Jeff is a pretty good way to start the day.

An hour or so later Jeff drives Abed back to the apartment.

“So, uh,” Jeff says, and Abed is surprised, because he sounds a little nervous. “Do you want to do this again sometime?”

“Pretend to watch a movie and have sex instead?” Abed asks, just to clarify.

“Or, you know, go on a date?” Jeff asks, looking hopeful.

Abed’s been asked on a lot of dates, and said yes to most of them, but he’s never felt the way he feels right now, eager and excited and a little anxious. He’s definitely never been asked on a date by someone who knows him as well as Jeff does.

“Yes,” Abed replies. “I’d like that.”

“What are you doing for dinner? Or is that too soon?”

“Does six work for you?” Abed asks, and Jeff grins.

“Six is fine,” he says. “I’ll see you then.” Abed gets out of the car and Jeff drives off. Abed watches until he’s gone, and then walks to the apartment.

Troy and Annie are both in the living room when he walks in the door.

“Abed!” exclaims Annie. “We missed you! And we’re glad you’re not dead!”

“Whose shirt is that?” Troy asks, wrinkling his nose. “It’s too big for you.”

"Jeff's," Abed says, trying to think fast. "I, uh, spilled soda on mine." 

Troy nods in understanding, just like Abed figured he would, because Troy spills soda on himself all the time. Abed thinks this is dangerously close to the secret lover trope he hates so much, and hopes this part will be over soon. 

"What movie did you guys watch?" Annie asks, and Abed says the first thing that comes to mind. 

_ "Brokeback Mountain." _

"The gay cowboy movie? You watched that with  _ Jeff?"  _ Troy asks, looking scandalized. 

"Yup," Abed replies, determined to own it. "Ang Lee is a powerhouse. He also directed  _ Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon  _ and  _ Life of Pi. _ We just did a whole unit on him in my film class." 

"Okay,  _ that _ makes sense," Annie says. "Although I'm surprised Jeff agreed." 

"I guess I'm just persuasive." Abed shrugs. 

"Well, anyway, we were gonna go thrifting," Annie says. "Want to come?" 

"Sure, as long as I'm back by six," Abed says. "I have dinner plans. Let me change into a shirt that fits and then I'll be ready." He turns and walks into the blanket fort before anyone has time to ask questions. He takes off Jeff's shirt and only hesitates for a second before hiding it under his pillow. 

It still smells like him. 


	3. The One Where They Go on a Date

It takes Jeff an embarrassing amount of time to figure out what to wear on his date with Abed, and it’s frustrating for several reasons. First, he goes on dates all the time, and he never has this problem. Second, they’re not going anywhere fancy, so it’s not like he’s trying to create a _look._ And third, it’s Abed, and if he even notices what Jeff is wearing, he almost certainly won’t think there’s any reason to comment on it. What it comes down to, in the end, is that Jeff _really_ likes Abed, and this is how his anxiety is manifesting.

He takes a few deep breaths, in and out, and then closes his eyes, reaches into his closet, and puts on the first shirt his hand touches. He adds jeans, and a pair of shoes, and the whole thing takes about seven minutes, and he feels like a fool for wasting the last hour in a tizzy.

Abed is already sitting on the curb outside his apartment when Jeff arrives, his knees folded up to his chin and his arms wrapped around them. 

“Why are you out here?” Jeff asks when Abed opens the door and gets in.

“Troy and Annie kept asking me what my dinner plans were,” he says with a shrug. “I can only deflect so many times, so I said I was going to be late if I didn’t get going and then I waited out here."

“I’m sorry,” Jeff says, cringing. “I guess that’s kind of on me.”

“It’s okay,” Abed replies. “It’s a nice day outside. I like fresh air. And it won’t be like this forever.”

Jeff can feel Abed glance over at him when he says the last part, and he nods. He’s been trying to get used to the idea, running the thought around in his mind, imagining telling the group. It’s not so much that he’s worried about judgement from them -- he can live with whatever they have to throw at him, even if it’s uncomfortable or rude. But there’s something about coming out that makes him feel vulnerable, and something about dating Abed that heightens it.

“Do you worry about telling them?” Jeff asks. “The whole group, I mean.”

“Telling them about you?”

“Yeah. Or that you’re…” he trails off, not actually knowing what he’s trying to say.

“I don’t really label myself as anything,” Abed replies in explanation. He pauses, staring straight ahead. “I mean, not just in terms of my sexuality. I know everybody considers me neuroatypical, and they’re not wrong, but there’s a reason I’ve never actually discussed my diagnosis with anyone. It gets too cumbersome for me to carry those labels, and I get stuck in my head wondering about how I’m supposed to be, as a person with this disorder, or who is attracted to this subset of people, instead of just _being that._ Instead of just living my life. I don’t know if that makes any sense to you. I’ve never explained it out loud before.”

It takes Jeff a moment to process all of this, so he doesn’t say anything right away. He doesn’t want Abed to think he's ignoring him, though, so he reaches across the center console and takes Abed’s hand, and they drive in silence for a few minutes.

“It does make sense,” Jeff says, finally. “Kind of. It’s not something I can completely relate to, I guess. But I understand what you’re saying. And I admire you for having that level of understanding about who you are. I wish I were that secure.”

"It's different for everybody," Abed explains. "This is just what works for me. Some people are comforted by labels, and that's cool too. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to be.”

"Are you trying to tell me it's okay to come out?" Jeff asks. 

"Of course it's okay," Abed says. "But no. What I'm saying is, you do you. Do what makes you comfortable. But don't do something because you think it's what you're _supposed_ to do. That's when you get in trouble." 

Jeff thinks about that for a long time. They get to the restaurant Jeff has chosen and he parks the car, but they both stay in their seats. 

"What would you do if I told you I didn't ever want to come out to the group?" 

"I would be a little disappointed, I think," Abed says thoughtfully. "But I would understand. If you mean in terms of the status of our relationship _..._ I guess I don't really know." 

They sit in silence for a long time, and Jeff thinks Abed is waiting for him to say something, but he can't find the words. Eventually, he gives up. 

"Let's go eat," he says, "and we can talk more later." 

Abed clicks his tongue and shoots him finger guns, then opens his door. 

Jeff chose a diner for their date, because he didn’t want there to be too much pressure, and also because Abed is a really weird and picky eater and this is a place they’ve been to before, so he knows he’ll be able to find something he likes on the menu. They talk mostly about Greendale, and their friends, and it doesn’t feel much different than other times they’ve gone out to dinner, except that it’s just the two of them and Jeff insists on paying at the end of the night. It reminds him a little of Abed’s birthday dinner a few years ago, but Jeff tries not to think about that too often.

They get back in the car after dinner, and Jeff turns to Abed, and he feels kind of empowered by the darkness that now surrounds them. He leans over and kisses Abed, long and deep, deep enough that Abed makes a sighing sound in the back of his throat. Jeff pulls away.

“Go out with me again,” he says.

“Okay.”

“I’ll tell the study group about us,” he says.

“Okay.”

“Come back to my place,” he says.

“Okay.”

They hold hands again as Jeff drives them to his condo, and he thinks, _this is our thing, this is a thing we do, me and Abed, we hold hands in the car._ It makes him feel shivery and happy. It makes him feel young and optimistic. It makes him feel whole.

Inside, Abed immediately grabs Jeff and pulls him onto the couch and into a kiss. Jeff loses himself in Abed’s embrace, and he’s amazed by how strong Abed is despite his slight build. He moves Jeff until he’s laying on his back and climbs on top of him, pressing their bodies together, and there’s a frantic desperation about him that Jeff finds impossibly sexy. He bends his knee, shoving it between Abed’s legs, and delights at the sound Abed makes.

Abed reaches his hands under Jeff’s shirt and his palms and fingers are cold against Jeff’s skin and he shudders. He yanks at Abed’s hoodie and Abed wriggles out of it, then pulls his t-shirt off and throws it without regard, and Jeff understands now how Abed managed to lose his shirt the night before.

Jeff stands up and pulls his own shirt off, then walks Abed to the bedroom where he throws himself on the bed and waits for Abed to join him. He’s surprised when Abed doesn’t. Instead, he carefully slides Jeff’s legs apart and kneels between them. He clumsily unbuttons Jeff’s pants and every movement feels like fire shooting through Jeff’s entire nervous system. 

He’s not sure what to expect, but it doesn’t matter because he couldn’t possibly have expected _this_ , the confident, skilled movements of Abed’s mouth and hands and tongue, hard and soft, quick and slow, seemingly everywhere at once, predicting exactly where Jeff wants them, _needs them_ to be. Jeff’s mind goes blank and all he can do is _feel,_ and this feels incredible, and he doesn’t want it to ever end. When it does, it’s with a gasp and a shout, and then he pulls Abed up next to him, holds him close, and Abed strokes his hair and kisses him until he stops trembling.

“Your turn?” he whispers to Abed, once he’s finally come back to himself.

“Sure,” Abed replies. “But only if you’re comfortable with it.”

“You might need to give me directions,” Jeff says shyly, and he barely recognizes his own voice.

Abed smiles, eyes huge and dark. Then he bites his lip and runs his eyes up and down Jeff’s body.

“Get on your knees, please."


	4. The One Where They Tell Troy and Annie

They decide to tell Troy and Annie first. Abed requests it, because he hates lying to them and doesn’t want to wait until the next study group meeting, and Jeff doesn’t try to change his mind. They decide to do it over breakfast the next morning, and in an attempt to put everyone in a good mood they swing by a bakery on the way to the apartment and pick up pastries.

Annie is in the kitchen making coffee when they arrive, and Troy stumbles sleepily out of the blanket fort when he hears the front door open.

“Jeff! What are you doing here?” Annie says.

“You were with Jeff last night?” Troy asks Abed at the same time.

“Jeff and I are sleeping together,” Abed says, because he doesn’t see any point in delaying this.

“Dating,” Jeff corrects.

“Jeff and I are dating. Sorry, that part is a new development,” Abed says.

 _“That’s_ what you’ve been doing the last couple of days?” Troy sputters. _“Jeff?!”_

“Yup,” Abed says with a shrug. “Sorry for not telling you before. We weren’t ready yet.”

Out of the corner of his eye he notices Jeff smile when he says “we,” and files that information away for later.

“You and Jeff are dating,” Annie repeats, eyes narrowed.

“We are,” Jeff says, and steps closer to Abed and puts his arm around his waist.

“Sorry, I just…” Troy says. “What? I didn’t even know you were…”

“Well, now you do,” Abed says, and shoots Troy what he hopes is a meaningful glance.

“Right. Sorry,” Troy says. “I’m just surprised. I’m not, like, judging you or anything. You know that, right?”

“I appreciate the clarification,” Jeff confesses. 

“I’m not judging you either!” Annie squeaks. “God, I just realized how we must sound. You guys. We’re happy for you. Aren’t we?” She looks at Troy.

“We really are,” Troy says, and Abed can hear the sincerity in his voice. 

“Good,” Abed says. “Because we’re very happy for us, too.”

He turns and kisses Jeff on the mouth, just on the edge of chaste. Jeff pinches Abed’s waist and it tickles, and Abed can’t help it, the kiss turns into a giggle. It’s contagious, and then both of them are half-kissing, half-laughing.

“Aww!” exclaims Annie, clasping her hands, and Abed and Jeff pull apart, both blushing.

“Okay, well, that’s adorable,” admits Troy with a grin. “Congratulations, guys.”

“Are you going to tell the rest of the group?” Annie asks suddenly, as if she just thought of it.

“Yeah. On Monday,” Abed says. “And any assistance in keeping them from making it weird would be much appreciated.”

“On it!” says Annie, and Troy gives her a high five.

“Hey, we brought breakfast,” Jeff says, pointing to the box on the table and effectively changing the subject.

After breakfast Annie leaves to work on a project for a class and Troy goes to the comic book store. Jeff and Abed stay at the apartment, and Abed gives Jeff a tour of the blanket fort, since he's never been in it. It takes all of two minutes, because it's not a huge space, and then Abed climbs up to the top bunk.

“Remember when you stayed in my dorm?” Abed asks. “And I stole the top bunk from you?”

“I remember,” Jeff says with a grin.

“We can share this time.”

Jeff climbs up the ladder. There’s enough room for them to lay side-by-side, flat on their backs, and then Jeff throws an arm across Abed’s chest and turns it into cuddling.

Abed has never been much of a cuddler, historically. It’s not that he hates all forms of touch, it’s that whatever seemingly arbitrary requirements his brain has created to make it tolerable are very specific and inconsistent. And sometimes he can’t tolerate any touch at all, and that frustrates some people, though none of them more than Abed himself.

Jeff has superpowers, though, Abed thinks. Because he always knows how much to touch Abed and when, and he’s never touched Abed when he didn’t want him to, and he’s definitely never given Abed a hard time about any of it.

“How can you tell,” he asks now, in the safety of the blanket fort, “when it’s okay to touch me?”

“Your eyes, usually,” Jeff says. “I know people tell you you’re unreadable, but you’re not. You just have to know how to look. It’s the same with your emotions.”

“My emotions?” 

“People act like you don’t have them. Like you don’t feel things. I think if anything, you feel things more than the rest of us. You just don’t express it the same way.”

“I’m getting a little better about it, I think,” Abed says. “I hope. You guys have kind of been teaching me.”

“You definitely are,” Jeff says. “You’re so different from when I met you.”

“You didn’t immediately see me as a prospective partner?” Abed asks, practicing a wry grin, 60% Han Solo and 40% Rhett Butler.

“I did not,” Jeff confirms. 

“What changed?”

“I’m not sure, to be honest,” Jeff says. “Okay, so I’ve never actually read Hemingway, but there’s this famous quote about going bankrupt where--”

“Gradually and then suddenly. _The Sun Also Rises._ Got it.”

“ _You’ve_ read Hemingway?” Jeff turns to look at Abed and raises an eyebrow.

“No, but that quote is referenced in _Prozac Nation._ She uses it to describe mental illness, though.”

“Okay,” Jeff says. “Well, whatever. The point is, I think that’s how it happened. Like it was building for a while, and I didn’t really notice, but then it escalated when I came over to watch the movie. I honestly don’t know when it started building, though. I may be okay at recognizing _your_ feelings, but I’m pretty bad sometimes at recognizing my own.”

“Fair enough.” None of this is surprising to Abed. Jeff isn’t known for being in touch with his emotions. 

“Did you always see _me_ as a prospective partner?” Jeff asks, and Abed is surprised at how shy he sounds.

“No,” Abed says. “Like I said the other day, I halfheartedly ran the simulation once or twice, but it seemed like such an unlikely scenario, I never gave it much thought or energy.”

“Do you know what changed for you?”

“You started looking at me,” Abed says. “Differently, I mean. It made me feel...important? It made me want to show you more of me.” He can feel himself blushing. “Not in, like, a sexual way, just…well, maybe in a sexual way _now_ , but…what was I saying? God, Jeff, what have you done to me?” He’s all flustered, in a way that’s unfamiliar, and Jeff laughing beside him isn’t helping.

Jeff doesn’t say anything, just leans over and kisses Abed, shifting so he’s on his side. He puts his hand on Abed’s hip, underneath his shirt, and Abed relishes the sensation of Jeff’s warm hand on his perpetually cold skin. His breath stutters as Jeff slides his hand around to Abed’s back, rubbing circles over his ribs and spine.

“I worry I could break you,” Jeff whispers. 

“Physically or emotionally?” Abed asks.

“Physically. You’re all bones.” Jeff runs a finger down Abed’s knobby spine to make a point, making him shiver.

“I’m stronger than you think,” Abed murmurs.

“Emotionally, too. You’re all heart.” He pulls Abed close, pressing them together.

“I’m stronger than you think,” Abed repeats, and tilts his chin up.

“I know.”

Jeff kisses him gently along his jaw and hums softly, still rubbing Abed’s back, holding him close as if to keep him safe.

“You’re not going to break me, Jeff,” he insists.

In an effort to change the subject, Abed deliberately shifts his position, a slow and calculated movement. The strangled sound Jeff makes combined with the way he looks at Abed, wide eyes and pupils dilated, tells him that it’s a success.


	5. The One Where Jeff Has a Nightmare

On Sunday night Abed stays over at Jeff's again. They're sprawled out on top of the bed with the light on, talking about nothing, when Abed reaches out and traces a scar low on Jeff's stomach. Jeff immediately tenses. 

"What happened?" Abed asks. 

"I got my appendix taken out?" Jeff replies, trying to make it sound like a solid explanation, but it comes out tentative, more like a question. 

Abed moves his gaze up to Jeff's face and looks at him for what feels like a very long time, searching. 

"Are you lying?" he asks, and it's compassion and curiosity in his voice, not disappointment or accusation, which is what Jeff would have expected. 

"Yes," Jeff admits. 

Abed doesn't say anything, just waits for Jeff to elaborate. His hand is still grazing Jeff's stomach, absentmindedly rubbing circles here and there, but he doesn't touch the scar again. 

"I was in seventh grade, and I told the kids in my class that I got my appendix out," he says. "So they would care about me. Worry about me. So _someone_ would worry about me. And one of the kids asked to see the scar. So I…made one." He feels his cheeks burn hot with shame and stares straight up at the ceiling, wondering what Abed will say. 

Abed pulls Jeff into his arms and holds him close, and then he begins to kiss him, soft kisses, first on his cheeks, then across his forehead, his jaw, and his throat. Finally he buries his face in Jeff's shoulder and stays like that, rubbing Jeff's back with his cool hands. 

"You are loved, Jeff," he says, like he's just stating a simple fact. His voice is soft and familiar, monotone but also warm. The words tickle Jeff's skin and send shivers down his spine. "And thanks for telling me the truth," he adds. 

Jeff doesn't know how to process what's happening, doesn't understand how the confession of his shameful secret has been met with this kind of grace, and he thinks maybe now isn't the time to analyze it. 

"So do you think I'm crazy?" Jeff asks, only half serious, only half changing the subject. 

"Not any more than I already did," Abed replies, and Jeff can hear the smile in his voice. 

Jeff kisses him softly on his temple, and then then they get under the covers and turn out the light. 

A few hours later, Jeff wakes up in a panic, his heart pounding, unable to catch his breath. It's pitch black, still the middle of the night, and Abed is asleep beside him. He sits up, gasping, and in seconds Abed is sitting up next to him and turning on the light. 

"Jeff," he says softly and deliberately. 

Jeff can't move. He just sits there, shaking. 

"Jeff," Abed says again, his tone unchanged. "Can I touch you?" 

Jeff looks at him with wide eyes, breathing too fast, and it takes him a minute to process Abed's question. Finally he nods, and Abed places one hand on his back, applying pressure, and takes Jeff's hand in his other one, squeezing it gently. 

"Nightmare?" he asks. 

Jeff nods.

"Do you remember what it was about?" 

He shakes his head. The feelings are all still there, the fear and terror and anxiety that are gripping him and stealing his breath, but he can't remember the dream at all. 

"Can you breathe with me?" Abed asks, and he begins to take slow, exaggerated breaths. He places Jeff's hand on his chest so he can feel it moving. 

Jeff puts all his concentration into matching Abed's breath. It's hard at first, and his heart is beating so fast, and he keeps getting confused about when to breathe, but Abed is patient, and eventually Jeff's breathing becomes deeper and more regular. 

"Do you want some water or tea?" Abed asks. 

"Some water," Jeff says shakily. 

"Will you be okay if I go get it, or do you want to come with me?" 

"I'll come," he says, because he can't stand the thought of being alone. 

They hold hands as they walk to the kitchen, and Abed pours a glass of water for Jeff, and they stay in the kitchen while he sips it. Abed pulls himself up on the counter to sit and then reaches for Jeff, placing his hands lightly on his shoulders.

"Anything you want to talk about?" he says softly. 

"I don't…I don't remember the dream," Jeff says. 

"Doesn't have to be about the dream." 

"The last time someone took care of me after a nightmare was probably my mom. When I was a kid." 

"Do you have them often?" 

He shrugs. 

"Do you want me to quit interrogating you?" 

That makes Jeff laugh a little. He doesn't answer, just kisses Abed on the mouth and then goes back to sipping his water. By the time he finishes the whole glass, Jeff feels slightly more like himself again. 

Back in the bedroom, Abed turns on some cartoons, keeping the volume down low, and sets the sleep timer on the TV. 

"Just something to fall asleep to," he explains. "To focus on, instead of whatever is going on in your brain. To keep the bad thoughts out." 

They are spooning, with Abed as the big spoon, and Jeff is surprised at how safe he feels. 

"You're good at this," he tells Abed. "Nightmare management." 

"I have some experience," Abed replies, and he doesn't elaborate, he just reaches behind him and turns off the light. The glow from the TV keeps the room from getting too dark. 

"Thanks, Abed," Jeff whispers.

"Goodnight, Jeff," Abed replies, pressing a kiss to the back of Jeff's neck and squeezing him tightly. "Sweet dreams." 


	6. The One Where They Tell The Group

Monday starts off weird. Abed wakes up in Jeff's arms with three thoughts on his mind. The first is, _I hope Jeff is feeling better._ The second is, _We're telling the group about our relationship today._ The third is, _I need to move. Now._

There are days when Abed doesn't like to be touched, and generally it's not a huge deal because no one is touching him anyway. Troy sometimes, or Annie, and both of them have had the fun experience of showing Abed physical affection only for him to flinch and pull away. They're used to it. It doesn't bother them. They've discussed it. 

Abed hasn't discussed it with Jeff because it hasn't come up, and now seems like the worst possible time to bring it up, but Abed has no choice because he is already scrambling desperately to get out of Jeff's embrace. He feels hot and trapped and everything hurts. And of course it wakes Jeff up, and Abed feels like a jerk, and probably also a bad boyfriend.

"You okay?" Jeff asks sleepily, a concerned look on his face, as Abed finishes extracting himself. 

"Um. Yeah," Abed says, now laying flat on his back, mortified. "Sometimes I don't like to be touched. And today is one of those days I guess." 

"Oh, okay," Jeff says. "I'll try to remember. If I fuck up, just yell at me, okay?" 

Abed turns his head to look at Jeff and blinks a couple of times, trying to process his words. 

"That's it?" he asks, finally. "It doesn't…bother you?" 

"Of course not," Jeff says. "It's just one of your things. We both have things. In fact, you had to deal with one of my things last night, and I don't see you complaining." 

"Of course not," Abed echoes thoughtfully. 

"Just keep me up-to-date on what you need, and it'll be fine," Jeff adds. "And let me know when I can touch you again. I miss it already." He says the last part with a grin, so Abed tries not to feel guilty. 

"Thanks," he says. "How are _you_ feeling this morning?" 

"Fully recovered and ready to bring the study group up to speed." 

They arrive at the study room together, and everyone else is already there. Troy and Annie are both smiling at them expectantly, and Abed sees Jeff’s confidence waver for just a second. They stop just past the doorway.

“Okay, _what_ is going on?” Britta asks immediately. “These two keep grinning like idiots and they won’t say why.” She narrows her eyes at Jeff. “Are you hiding something?”

“What are you looking at me for?” Jeff says, flustered.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Pierce pipes up. “Jeff is finally coming out of the closet!”

Abed is prepared for the worst. He doesn’t react at all, he just waits to see what everyone else will do, and he tries to glance covertly at Jeff to see if he’s okay. He expects Jeff to storm out, maybe, or Annie to yell at Pierce.

“Actually, that’s exactly what I’m doing,” Jeff says calmly, and everyone is silent. He looks at Abed and raises an eyebrow.

“Jeff and I are in a relationship,” Abed adds, and then he and Jeff both take their seats.

Pierce’s mouth is wide open and he doesn’t say anything, he just looks kind of shocked and confused, which Abed thinks he deserves. He doesn’t know what Pierce’s motivation ever is when he calls Jeff gay, but it’s clear that he wasn’t expecting this.

Britta, however, already has tears streaming down her face, mascara running everywhere.

“I’m so happy for you guys,” she sobs. “I love you both and I’m here as your ally and your friend and if you need _anything…”_

She turns toward Abed, and he thinks she’s going to try to hug him, and before he can even react Jeff is on the other side of her, and he sweeps her into a hug instead as if it’s nothing, as though he’d planned it that way all along. 

Abed is floored, and he thinks he has never felt more loved in his entire life.

Britta’s tears set Annie off, of course, and even Troy is sniffling a little, but Abed is focused on Shirley, because she has the biggest smile on her face. Abed had envisioned her as kind of a wild card, and wasn’t really sure how she would react, but he’s pleased to see that she looks happy.

“I’m shocked,” she says. “I sure didn’t see that coming, but now that I think about it, it makes sense. I’m so proud of you boys. Congratulations.”

“Thank you, Shirley,” Abed says. “And thank you, too, Britta.”

“You and Annie already knew?” Britta asks Troy, who nods.

“When you share a bunk bed with someone, it’s kind of hard not to notice when they stop coming home at night,” he says with a shrug. 

“Also, he comes home wearing Jeff’s clothes sometimes,” Annie pipes up.

“ _One_ time,” Abed says sternly. “That was _one_ time. And I don’t stay at Jeff’s _every_ night. Anyway, what do you expect me to do, ask him to share the top bunk?”

 _“Please_ don’t ever do that,” Troy mutters.

“Hey, I knew it before anyone else did,” Pierce interjects. “I knew Jeff was gay. I win!”

“Win _what?”_ Britta asks, rolling her eyes.

“I just win. _And,_ I knew Abed was gay, too. I just never said so. Didn’t want to embarrass him, you know.”

“Whatever,” Annie says. 

“I think Jeff and I actually were the first to know,” Abed points out. 

He is starting to feel a little agitated, and he grabs an empty mechanical pencil from his bag and starts clicking the top.

“That’s different. You just don’t want to admit that my gaydar is streets ahead,” Pierce scoffs.

“No, we just don’t want to encourage your compulsion to constantly be a dick to everyone around you!” Britta shoots back.

“Okay, well, Abed and I are gonna go,” Jeff says suddenly. “Thanks for your support, almost everyone. See you at lunch.” 

Abed follows him out of the room and down the hall until they end up in one of the old crappy study rooms that no one ever uses. Jeff shuts the door and leans against it.

“Sorry,” he says. “That went pretty well, all things considered. I just got overwhelmed.”

“Yeah, I was getting there too,” Abed admits, still clicking the pencil in his hand. “I agree, though. That went better than I expected. Except Pierce, he was exactly as I expected.”

“Yeah,” Jeff agrees. “Shirley was surprisingly supportive, though. I wasn’t sure how that was going to go.”

“She loves us. And luckily that seems to outweigh any previously voiced objections to homosexuality and premarital sex as dictated by her religion.”

“Luckily, indeed,” Jeff says with a sigh. “I was really worried about losing her as a friend.”

“Me too,” Abed says. “But most TV tropes would indicate that our friendship is stronger than ever now.”

“Well, if the hallowed TV tropes indicate it, I guess we’re in the clear,” Jeff says, and Abed can tell he’s teasing, but he can also tell that it’s the nice kind of teasing.

“This is going to sound really strange, but could you lay down on the table?” Abed asks hesitantly.

“What?” Jeff says, looking startled.

“Could you lay down on the table? On your back?”

“Uh. Okay.” Jeff jumps up on the table and lays down. 

Abed follows and gingerly lays down next to him so their heads are next to each other.

“Sorry if this is weird,” Abed says. “I just wanted to be close to you. But…”

“But without touching. Got it.”

“A bed would be ideal, obviously,” Abed says, but he’s already feeling calmer, and he lets the pencil drop out of his hand.

“Later,” Jeff says. “Promise.”


	7. The One Where Jeff Says I Love You

The abandoned study room becomes Jeff and Abed’s new secret meeting spot. Abed appreciates it because it feels like a spy movie, and Jeff appreciates it because it’s nice to have some privacy. For some reason, the door to this room locks from the inside, which Jeff thinks opens up some possibilities.

They meet there most mornings before class, and in the afternoons before they go home. Even when they drive to or from school together, they still take a few minutes in there to relax, to get settled and centered and make out a little, or sometimes a lot. To be in a space on campus that is quiet and safe and uniquely theirs. They’ve never seen anyone else use it, and Abed tapes a piece of paper with a warning about asbestos on the door just to be safe. 

On this particular morning, Abed is sitting on the table and Jeff is curled up with his head in Abed’s lap. He didn’t sleep well last night and he’s exhausted, and they have some time before they need to be anywhere.

“Your hair is softer,” Abed remarks, running his fingers through it. “It used to be kind of crunchy.”

“I stopped using gel,” Jeff explains. 

“How come?”

“Because I like it when you play with my hair like this,” he admits a little sheepishly.

Abed doesn’t say anything, just makes a pleased humming sound and slides one hand under Jeff’s shirt, resting it on his waist. Jeff closes his eyes, enjoying the sensation. He’s always warm, and Abed is always cold, and it makes touching each other even better, like they were meant for it.

“Can I keep you?” Abed whispers after a while.

“Huh?”

“It’s from _Casper.”_

“The friendly ghost?” Jeff has a vague memory of the comics.

“Yes. The live action film with Christina Ricci and Devon Sawa and Bill Pullman and Cathy Moriarty and Eric Idle…” Abed says, counting the actors on his fingers.

“Okay, okay, okay. And why did you quote it?”

“Casper was all alone,” Abed explains. “For a really long time. And then Kat and her dad moved in, and Kat was lonely too. And she and Casper became friends, and then they weren’t alone anymore. And Casper didn’t want to lose her, and he asked her, _can I keep you?_ And something about us right now just reminded me of it.”

“Oh. Well, in that case, yes. You can keep me.”

“Excellent."

Jeff is thinking about how he used to tease Abed about his movie references, his homages, his make-believe games. The more he gets to know Abed the better he understands why he does these things, realizes that it’s not an unwillingness to grow up, it’s a framework to understand the world. Jeff now has a deeper respect for the way Troy just goes with it, understanding that this is what Abed needs. He vows to be more like Troy in this way, and what’s surprising is that he isn’t daunted by the task. He looks forward to it.

It turns out he doesn’t need to learn to _tolerate_ Abed’s quirks, because the quirks are what make him beautifully and uniquely _Abed._ Jeff makes a study of them, an examination of idiosyncrasies, of film references and makeshift fidget toys, of character studies and buttered noodles, of untied shoes and simulations in the Dreamatorium. He curates an anthology of observations, piecing together the things that make Abed who he is.

“Jeff.”

Jeff startles and opens his eyes to see Abed peering down at him.

“What?” he says, confused and a little disoriented.

“You fell asleep.”

“What time is it?” Jeff asks.

“I don’t know, my phone is in my bag.”

“There’s a clock on the wall behind you. I can’t see it from here. Can you?”

“Yes," Abed says stiffly.

“So, what time is it?”

“Hold on.”

Jeff hears him whispering numbers under his breath.

“Abed?”

“Just...hold on. I have trouble with analog clocks,” he says, sounding frustrated.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jeff says, filing that piece of information away for future reference. He sits up and glances at the clock himself. “It’s 10:25.”

“I’m gifted in other ways,” Abed mutters.

“I know you are,” Jeff says, and kisses Abed on the cheek.

Abed responds by kissing him back full on the mouth and wrapping his arms around Jeff’s waist. Jeff slides down to his feet and moves in front of Abed, whose legs are dangling off the edge of the table. He positions himself so that he’s standing between Abed’s legs and leans forward, kissing him so deeply that Abed starts to lean backwards, and Jeff catches him with a hand flat on his back.

Abed’s eyes fly wide open.

“Movie kiss,” he murmurs into Jeff’s mouth. “Cool. Cool cool cool.”

Jeff can’t help but laugh, both at Abed’s delight, and the fact that he chose to speak _through_ the kiss instead of just pulling away. Abed begins to laugh, too, and the kiss sort of dissolves, so Jeff wraps him in a hug that Abed eagerly reciprocates, resting his chin on Jeff’s shoulder.

“I love you,” Jeff says, and it comes out sounding like a revelation, because that’s what it is. He’s never said those words to someone he was dating before. He thought about it a couple of times, long ago. Contemplated when and where and how and _why_ he would say it. But he never actually did, he always put it off because it never felt quite right.

This feels right. When: mid-morning, early in their relationship but years into their friendship. Where: in their secret space with peeling paint and flickering lights and splintered furniture. How: simple and honest and real. _Why: because it’s the truth._

In his arms, Abed takes a deep breath and presses his lips to Jeff’s neck. He doesn’t reply right away, and Jeff stops him before he can say anything, takes a step backward and puts his hands on Abed’s shoulders.

“You’re trying to decide whether to answer honestly or do the homage, aren’t you?”

Abed grins and nods and bites his lip, and Jeff wants to be irritated but he can’t because Abed is so fucking adorable that he can’t think straight. 

“Get it out of your system,” he grumbles, trying not to smile and failing miserably. “I’ll set it up again. I love you.”

“I know,” Abed-as-Han-Solo declares sardonically, gazing into Jeff’s eyes. Then he blinks and relaxes and he’s Abed again. “And I love you too.”


	8. The One Where Jeff Has Some Issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little heavier and references alcohol abuse. I'm including this disclaimer because I just updated the tags and I'm assuming not everyone checks them every time they read a new chapter <3

Jeff continues to have nightmares on a regular basis, and Abed gets used to taking care of him. He’s generally a light sleeper, so he wakes up when Jeff does, and holds him, and gets him water, and distracts him, and makes sure he falls back to sleep. It happens at least once a week. It’s become almost like a routine.

Jeff refuses to talk about it. 

Abed approaches it from different angles, trying to talk to him in bed when they’re going back to sleep, or the next morning over breakfast, or in their secret study room during the day. Every time he does, Jeff changes the subject or tells him it isn’t important. Most recently he’s been telling Abed they’ll “talk about it sometime soon, I promise,” as if Abed doesn’t know he’s deflecting. Abed is worried, though, and not sure what to do.

And then one night Abed wakes up in Jeff’s bed, and it’s late, it’s what Abed privately calls _nightmare o’clock,_ and Jeff isn’t next to him. He’s freaked out for a second, but then he sees a strip of dim light coming through the crack in the door, so he gets up and goes to investigate. It’s a quick search; Jeff is in the living room, sitting on the floor in front of the couch, an oversized mug in his hands.

“Jeff?” Abed says softly, and Jeff looks up at him with bloodshot eyes.

“Hey. Sorry. I tried not to wake you.” He’s sitting curled up in a ball, and Abed is surprised how small he seems.

“You can always wake me,” Abed says. “You _should_ always wake me. Please wake me next time.”

“No, you need sleep. And you don’t need to see... _this.”_ His voice sounds strange, and Abed has an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

Abed drops down next to Jeff on the floor and folds himself up so his knees are under his chin. They’re crammed into the tiny space between the couch and the coffee table, and Abed notices that this is something he and Jeff have in common -- they both seek out small enclosed spaces when they’re upset.

“Yes I do,” Abed says, and lays his head down on Jeff’s shoulder. “I want to see all of you.”

Jeff doesn’t say anything, just lifts the mug to his lips to take a sip, and Abed is close enough now to tell that it’s full of scotch.

“Jeff,” he says, and Jeff still doesn’t respond, just stares straight ahead and takes another big gulp, and Abed doesn’t even think before reaching up and covering Jeff’s hand with his own, guiding the mug away from Jeff’s mouth. Jeff isn’t having it, though, and he stops Abed’s movement so abruptly that the scotch spills over the rim and all over both of their hands, and the unexpected feeling of liquid on his skin startles Abed and he yanks his hand away, and the mug tumbles out of Jeff’s grip and lands on the wood floor, cracking in several pieces and spilling its contents everywhere.

Abed expects Jeff to swear, or to yell, maybe. To get angry. Instead, his face crumples and he _sobs,_ and Abed turns and throws his arms around him, holding as tightly as he can, ignoring the fact that he’s now kneeling in the puddle on the floor. After a moment Jeff brings his arms up to wrap around Abed and presses his face into his shoulder, and Abed can feel the warm tears soaking through his shirt as Jeff shakes in his embrace.

They stay like that for a very long time, Abed gently rubbing Jeff’s back and running a hand through his hair, Jeff clinging to Abed like the edge of a cliff, like if he lets go he’ll fall and probably die. The scent of alcohol is thick in the air, most of the mess soaked up by Abed’s pajama pants. By the time Jeff stops crying, the sun is coming up, and by the time Jeff finally lets Abed go, Abed has made the executive decision that they aren’t going to school today. Jeff doesn’t argue.

Once Abed becomes aware of the fact that his pants are soaked he is desperate to change, but he doesn’t want to leave Jeff alone, so he suggests they take a shower together, and again, Jeff doesn’t argue. It’s like he has no fight left in him, like his resolve was broken with the mug, and Abed finds it chilling, but also knows that this is his opportunity, that now they can finally start to address what’s happening. 

He waits until after the shower, when they’re clean and dry and dressed, and after they’ve eaten breakfast and he has made the bed and cleaned up the last of the spill and the pieces of broken mug from the floor in the living room. Then he takes Jeff by the hand and leads him back to the bedroom and lays down on the bed on his back, looking up at the ceiling, and gestures for Jeff to join him, and he does. Abed thinks maybe it will be easier for Jeff to talk if he doesn’t have to look at him. He takes Jeff’s hand and squeezes it.

“It’s sometime soon,” Abed says.

“What?”

“You keep saying we’ll talk about it sometime soon.” Abed tries to keep his voice soft, like that’ll somehow stop him from spooking Jeff.

“I know,” Jeff says, “But…” He doesn’t finish the thought.

“No,” Abed says evenly, and he scoots closer to Jeff so that their sides are pressed together, but he keeps looking at the ceiling. “No, we have to talk about it. Please. I can’t--” He takes a deep breath. “I love you, and I can’t stand seeing you like this, and you won’t tell me why, and now you’re drinking, too, and I just--” Another deep breath. “We need to be a team. Please, Jeff.” His voice breaks on the last _please._

Jeff is silent, and Abed sneaks a glance and sees that Jeff’s eyes are closed, but his eyelashes are sparkling with tears. He’s breathing erratically, but Abed can tell he’s trying to get it under control, so he doesn’t interfere, he just waits, and eventually Jeff opens his eyes, runs a sleeve across them, and turns to look at Abed.

“I don’t know why I have nightmares,” he says carefully. “I usually don’t remember what they’re about. But sometimes I do, and they’re about things that happened when I was a kid, so, you know, there’s that. I don’t particularly want to talk about it right now, but maybe eventually. Or maybe I should go back to therapy.”

“I didn’t know you’d stopped going,” Abed says quietly, and Jeff shrugs.

“Before you were here to...take care of me, when I would have nightmares, there was only one way I could get myself back to sleep.”

“Drinking.”

“Yes. But not one drink. I had to get, like, gross, sloppy drunk. Sad drunk. Hating myself and throwing up and passing out on the floor drunk, because it was guaranteed to end with me unconscious, which was the goal.”

“Jeff…”

“So you can see how you being here was pretty much the best thing. And I figured that you would never have to see the gross part, because if you were here, I wouldn’t end up like that. And then last night you didn’t wake up right away and I didn’t want to wake you up because it didn’t seem fair, and it was dark and I was still kind of stuck in the nightmare, and everything just felt bad, and then I started thinking about how I don’t deserve you, and then next thing I knew I was sitting on the floor with a drink and I don’t even remember pouring it, so apparently I’m just losing my goddamn mind--”

“You’re spiraling a little,” Abed says, and puts an arm over Jeff’s chest as if to steady him, and he feels Jeff catch his breath.

“I’m scared,” Jeff admits. “I don’t want to head straight for the liquor cabinet anytime something unpleasant happens, but I do anyway. I always have. This time I did it without even realizing, but other times, it just feels inevitable. And I use that to justify it somehow. That and the fact that scotch is what classy people drink, so it could always be worse, because at least I’m not drinking, like, plastic bottle vodka or something. _Those_ are the people with real problems.”

“Okay, you _know_ that’s bullshit, right? Like, I’m pretty confident you do, but I just feel like it’s my responsibility to be absolutely sure.”

“Yes, Abed,” Jeff says, and he laughs a little.

“Okay, good,” Abed says, relieved. “Um, can I ask why you stopped going to therapy?”

“I just felt like it was pointless,” Jeff sighs.

“Did you talk about the nightmares and the drinking and stuff?”

“Not exactly,” Jeff says, sounding embarrassed.

“Jeff.”

“Some things are hard to talk about.”

“I know,” Abed says, and he _does_ know, and hearing Jeff say it makes him want to cry.

“I wanted to, I just...couldn’t.”

“Maybe you need to find someone you trust more?” Abed suggests. “I could help you.”

“Probably. Maybe. I don’t know. Probably.”

“Okay,” Abed says. “We don’t have to figure that out now. Just think about it, okay?”

“I will,” Jeff says sincerely. “Promise.”

“Thank you for talking to me. I love you.” Abed props himself up on his elbow and kisses Jeff.

“I love you too,” Jeff replies, pulling him closer.

“Want to change the subject now?” Abed asks, raising an eyebrow.

“God, yes,” Jeff says, and pulls Abed on top of him.


	9. The One With the Self Care Day

Jeff and Abed spend the day in their pajamas. Abed calls it a self care day, and Jeff is skeptical because “self care” makes him think of spa days and face masks and indulgence, and while he’s generally pretty into that kind of stuff, none of it is particularly appealing right now. Also, it doesn’t strike him as the kind of thing _Abed_ would be into at all.

It’s not, actually, because Abed has a very different view of self care.

“It’s about getting through the day,” he explains. “It’s not about doing fancy things that make you feel pampered and cared for. I mean, I guess it _can_ be, for some people. For me, it’s about literally caring for yourself so you don’t self-destruct. It’s about doing whatever the bare minimum is to keep going and recognizing that sometimes that can be enough.”

“So, what does that look like?” Jeff asks.

“We make sure we eat food and drink water, even if we don’t want to. We take a nap if we’re tired, or we go for a run if we have too much energy. We probably have sex, if that sounds good. If it doesn’t, we don’t judge ourselves for it. For me, it also usually involves watching a lot of TV and messing around with sensory stuff. And I’m sure there are specific things that you need, too. You just have to figure out what they are.”

“Sensory stuff?”

“Remind me to show you next time we’re at my place,” Abed says, making finger guns. “But, like, look at this.” He walks across the room to his messenger bag and pulls out a mechanical pencil and hands it to Jeff, who shakes it.

“It’s empty.”

“That’s because it’s not for writing. It’s for clicking. It calms me down sometimes. I have a whole collection of stuff like this, because certain things work better at different times. But that’s self care for me, because it keeps me from getting so agitated I can’t function. What helps you when you’re upset?”

“I don’t know,” Jeff says honestly. “I don’t usually go looking for healthy ways to cope, I guess.”

“What are things you like in general? Things that make you feel good?”

“Working out, I guess? Being with you? I...I don’t know,” he says. “I’ve never really thought about it.”

“That’s okay,” Abed says calmly. “We’ll make it up as we go. Don’t worry. This isn’t meant to stress you out. Just relax and tell me what you want to do right now.”

“Go back to bed,” Jeff says, and walks closer to Abed.

“Okay.”

“With you,” Jeff adds, holding out his hand.

“We can do that,” Abed says, smiling as Jeff pulls him up from the couch.

“I just want to be close to you right now. Is that okay?”

“Yes,” Abed says, wrapping an arm around Jeff’s waist and following him to the bedroom.

They sit at the foot of the bed and Jeff kisses Abed softly, tentatively, like he’s asking, _are you sure you still want to be with me after all of this?_

Abed kisses back fierce and sure, placing his hand on the back of Jeff’s head and doing a thing with his tongue that gets rid of all of Jeff’s doubts. Jeff gasps into Abed’s mouth and he feels Abed smile. Jeff pulls Abed closer, craving his closeness, his touch, and slides his hands under Abed’s shirt, pressing his fingers into Abed’s back, which is all hard bones and cool skin, like marble, like a sculpture, only Abed responds with movement, rippling and trembling, small noises of pleasure echoing in Jeff’s own mouth.

Abed twists and puts his hand on Jeff’s back, carefully lowering him so that he’s laying on the bed and Abed is above him. Jeff loves this. He loves to be in charge, but even more he loves Abed taking control of the situation, directing him where to go and what to do, showing him with his hands and his body and his mouth. Physically, Jeff is more imposing, stronger, the kind of person who can get what he wants. In the bedroom, though, Abed exudes confidence and Jeff is drawn to him, wants nothing more than to follow Abed’s lead, and it’s like nothing he’s ever experienced. He can’t get enough of it.

“Lift,” Abed whispers, and Jeff does, and Abed slides his pants off, then tugs at his shirt and Jeff removes that as well, so he’s left only in his underwear. He reaches up and helps Abed remove his own shirt, and Abed quickly discards his own pants as well so they are back on equal ground, just a few thin pieces of fabric between them. Abed sits back and runs his fingernails down Jeff’s chest, and Jeff can tell he’s using considerable effort not to scratch Jeff too hard.

He lifts a hand and Jeff is unable to look anywhere but Abed’s dark, dilated eyes as he takes Abed’s fingers in his mouth and sucks, and _god,_ he can feel the sensation everywhere. Abed too, apparently, because he makes a strangled noise and yanks his hand away and dives back down to meet Jeff’s mouth with his own. It’s frantic and sloppy, just like whatever he is doing with his hips right now, rocking desperately against Jeff, and Jeff is thrusting back almost involuntarily.

They break apart to catch their breath for a second, and Abed is biting his bottom lip, and it’s too much for Jeff. He pulls Abed back toward him, presses their mouths together again, and then sucks Abed’s bottom lip into his own mouth, nibbling as Abed cries out. Jeff lifts his hips again, trying to increase surface area and friction. He thinks about undressing them the rest of the way but he’s pretty sure there isn’t time for that, they’re both wound too tightly, ready to snap at any moment.

“Jeff, I...” Abed whimpers, his hands on Jeff’s hips, bracing himself as he grinds against him, and if he finishes the sentence, Jeff doesn’t know, because the sound of Abed’s voice alone is enough to unravel him. He cries out and comes hard against Abed, his ears ringing as his body tenses.

Abed’s breath speeds up as he watches Jeff, and when Jeff collapses into the bed he sighs, low and throaty, and that’s enough to tip Abed over the edge. He moans helplessly, pulsing against Jeff, arching his back and digging his fingernails into his skin. A little disoriented, he rolls off of Jeff and collapses next to him on the bed, still shuddering. Jeff wraps an arm around him and pulls him close, and they are side by side staring at the ceiling, just like they were a few hours ago, only he doesn’t feel ashamed, this time, just safe and loved.

“That was nice,” Abed says after a while, and his voice still sounds wrecked, and Jeff likes it.

“It was,” he agrees.

“I love cuddling with you,” Abed adds. “I really, really do. But, I’m sorry, I just can’t stay in these--” he tugs at his underwear-- “another second. It’s just...god, it’s so gross.”

Jeff laughs, because he agrees, but also at the look of pure horror on Abed’s face.

“Let’s go take another shower, then.”


	10. The One Where Troy and Abed Made Out a Couple Times

It’s a Thursday afternoon and Jeff is over at Casa Trobedison. They’ve started spending more time at the apartment, ever since Troy and Annie complained they never saw Abed anymore, and they weren’t wrong. Today is special, though, because everyone is helping Abed move from the blanket fort into the room that once held the Dreamatorium.

While Abed packs boxes full of DVDs and comic books and clothes and about 15 canisters of what looks like silly putty, Annie takes the opportunity to clean and Jeff pulls Troy into the kitchen.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Jeff asks. “Losing the Holodeck? And your roommate?”

“This isn’t _Star Trek,_ Jeff. You know it’s called the Dreamatorium,” Troy says sternly. “You’re just trying to distract me from the fact that you feel guilty, which is very un-Winger-like.”

“Fine,” Jeff admits. “But, for real, is this cool with you?”

“Yes, for two reasons,” Troy says. “First, the Dreamatorium was Abed’s idea to start with and he’s a little more attached to it than I am. Second, he’s already created a new one in a refrigerator box. Don’t tell Annie.”

Jeff laughs at that, relieved.

“What about losing your roommate? To be honest, when Abed and I started dating I kind of worried that I’d stolen your boyfriend.”

“Did you tell Abed that?”

“Of course not.”

“Okay, well, if you _had,_ Abed would have told you that we tried that before and it didn’t work.”

“You _what?”_ Jeff can feel how big his eyes are, and he’s embarrassed to be both out of the loop and showing this level of emotion. He grabs Troy and drags him into the hallway, closing the door behind them.

“He really didn’t tell you?” Troy asks, looking amused.

“No, he didn’t _tell me,”_ Jeff says. “But I’d appreciate it if you would.”

“He probably just didn’t think it was relevant,” Troy says, “so don’t be upset.”

“I’m not upset,” Jeff grumbles. “Mostly because I’m sure you’re right. Now, spill.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Troy says. “You know how we are. We’re super close and we spend all our time together, and we just kind of...decided to experiment a couple times. To make sure we weren’t missing out on anything. Like, to make sure that our awesome friendship wasn’t making us blind to other potentially awesome stuff.”

“And?”

“It wasn’t.” Troy shrugs. “I mean, it wasn’t bad. I’m sure I don’t have to tell _you_ that. It just wasn’t...our spark is a friendship spark, not a romance spark. That’s how Abed described it. And he’s right. We’re best friends and it’s perfect and it’s enough, and also I’m really glad he has you, because he deserves to have that other kind of spark, too, and now I know he does.”

“And you?”

“I’ll find my person,” Troy says, and grins like it’s no big deal, and Jeff realizes to Troy maybe it _isn’t_ a big deal. He’s always admired Troy’s confidence.

“Now, when you say experimented…” 

“Nope,” Troy says, shaking his head. “You gotta talk to Abed about that one.”

“Troy.”

“Nope,” he repeats. He’s grinning, though, as he lets himself back into the apartment, and Jeff follows close behind.

It takes a surprisingly long time to take the strips of tape down from the walls of the Dreamatorium and then move all of Abed’s stuff in there. They’d found a double bed in decent condition, which allows Troy to keep the blanket fort intact with the bunk bed. Jeff and Troy take charge of getting the bed into the room while Abed unpacks boxes and Annie orders food. Abed is adamant that moving requires pizza and beer, so that’s what they have for dinner, except Abed doesn’t actually like beer, and neither does Annie, so they stick to soda instead. 

After dinner they split off to their respective bedrooms, and Jeff and Abed lay down on Abed’s new bed, which is made up with his favorite rocket ship sheets and plaid comforter. Jeff considers making a comment about the lack of matching, but then he thinks about Abed’s wardrobe and realizes there’s no point.

“Glad to have your own room again?” he asks instead.

“Yup,” Abed replies. “Want to talk about my relationship with Troy now?”

“What?” Jeff sputters. “What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been looking at him weird ever since you and him went out in the hall while Annie and I were moving,” Abed explains. “I’m guessing he said something that surprised you, and I can only think of a couple of things that might be.”

“A _couple_ of things?”

“Jeff. Calm down. What do you want to know?” Abed takes Jeff’s hand and squeezes it.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, you know,” he says, and almost means it.

“I know,” Abed replies. “But I do want to tell you.”

“Then how come you never said anything before?” 

“I didn’t think it was relevant.”

“Jesus, that’s exactly what Troy said,” Jeff groans.

“Troy knows me really well,” Abed says matter-of-factly.

“Then why on earth do you want to be with me instead of him?!” Jeff doesn’t mean for it to come out so loud, or so desperate, and because he is a mature grown adult, he follows it up by grabbing one of Abed’s pillows and covering his face, turning his head toward Abed so he can still breathe.

There’s a pause, and then Abed turns his head toward Jeff and adjusts the pillow so it’s over both of them like a shelter, like their own personal pillow fort. It’s dark and safe and Abed is still holding Jeff’s hand.

“Why are you so insecure, Jeff?” Abed asks quietly

“I don’t _know,”_ Jeff says, and he knows he sounds like a child, and he kind of feels like one, too, jealous and sad and unable to express himself properly.

“Do you actually want to know about me and Troy? Or is this about you?”

“It’s about me,” he admits. “But I still want to know. About Troy. If that’s okay.” He’s having a hard time getting the words out.

“We kissed a few times,” Abed says, and pauses. “Made out, I guess, is more accurate. That’s it.”

“That’s it?” It’s not that Jeff has been imagining Troy and Abed having sex, except that’s exactly what he’s been imagining.

“That’s it.”

“Why?” Jeff blurts out.

“Why what?” Abed asks patiently.

“Why was that it?”

It’s dark under the pillow, but he can still see Abed blink a couple of times.

“There were no sparks,” he says, as if it’s obvious.

“Again, exactly what Troy said you’d say.” He doesn’t mean to sound annoyed, but he’s pretty sure he does.

“Well, yeah, Jeff, he’s still my best friend. He can still read my mind and stuff. You knew that already.”

Jeff takes a deep breath and lets it out, an attempt to clear his mind. He’s acting like a crazy person. Of course he already knew what Troy and Abed were like. How their friendship is. Nothing has changed. He’s never really been jealous like this before, not of Troy.

“I’m not upset about you and Troy,” Jeff says quietly. “I don’t care if you kissed him. Actually, I’m glad you did, because now I don’t have to worry that I’m stealing you from him.”

“I know,” Abed says.

“I’m insecure because now that you know I’m broken, I don’t want to scare you away.”

Abed reaches up and slides his hand between the pillow and Jeff’s cheek and cups his chin.

“Three things,” he says. “First, I’ve always known you were broken and I still fell in love with you. Second, you know that I’m broken, too, so don’t expect any sympathy.” He leans over and kisses Jeff softly. “And third, I’m not going anywhere.”

Jeff pulls the pillow off of their heads and tosses it aside, enjoying the rush of cool air on his face.

“I love you,” he says, and it’s an affirmation, not a plea.

“I love you too,” Abed replies, smiling.


	11. The One Where Abed Gets Sick

Jeff and Abed agree to meet in their secret study room one morning after spending a rare night apart from one another. Abed doesn’t know if he had a hard time sleeping last night _because_ they spent the night apart, but he spent hours hot and uncomfortable and tossing and turning and now he has a headache and he’s exhausted. 

He’s sure spending some time with Jeff will make him feel better. He rides to campus with Troy and Annie, and sits quietly in the back seat while they argue about something he can’t follow. He gets to the room first and curls up on the table, closing his eyes. He thinks that if he can just get a few minutes’ rest before Jeff arrives, everything will be fine.

The next thing he knows, someone is shaking him, and when he opens his eyes his first thought is, _wow, my headache is way worse,_ followed quickly by, _wow, my headache has spread to my entire body._

“Abed?” Jeff says softly.

“Mmm,” Abed replies, blinking a few times to adjust to the light.

“You’re sick,” Jeff says. “What are you doing here?”

“Not sick,” Abed mumbles. “I don’t get sick.”

“You’re _burning up,”_ Jeff says, and his hand is cool on Abed’s forehead, which is strange because Abed is always the cold one. This time Jeff is, and it’s like his hand is getting colder, because suddenly Abed is freezing, shivering right there on the table, curling up smaller for warmth.

“I’m not burning,” Abed says. “I'm so cold.”

“I’m taking you home,” Jeff says. “And maybe to the--”

“Don’t say doctor,” Abed groans. 

“We’ll start with me taking you home, okay?”

“Not until you promise,” Abed says, trying to convey to Jeff how important this is, but he’s so tired it’s hard to think right.

“Abed.”

“Promise.”

“Fine,” Jeff says with an exasperated sigh, and Abed chooses to trust him because he doesn’t have the energy to continue this conversation. 

Abed slowly sits up and slides off the table, and then immediately pitches forward when the ground seems to tilt underneath him. Jeff catches him and holds him close, arms all the way around him, supporting him completely.

“You’re gonna get sick,” Abed says worriedly. 

“It’s fine,” Jeff says. “I have a strong immune system. Now, can you walk, or do you want me to carry you?”

“I can walk. Just. Stay near. Where’s my bag?”

“I’ve got it,” Jeff says, picking it up and sliding the strap over his shoulder.

He wraps his arm securely around Abed’s waist, supporting him, and Abed slumps against him, just trying to stay upright. He feels like his shoes are made of concrete and his head is pounding. The walk to the car feels like it takes all day. Jeff gets him settled into the front seat and hands him his bag and he immediately falls asleep.

“Abed?” 

He opens his eyes, and it’s _so bright._ He reaches for the door handle to get out of the car.

“Don’t get out,” Jeff says. “We’re at the store. I’m going to run in and grab a few things, but I need you to tell me how you feel so I know what to get.”

“Um,” says Abed. “Hot.”

“Yeah, you definitely have a fever,” Jeff says. “What else?”

“Everything hurts.”

“What specifically?” Jeff is speaking gently, quietly, and Abed appreciates it.

“Head. Throat. Body. Everything.” Every word takes immense effort to get out of his mouth.

“Are you hungry?” 

“No.” Abed didn’t eat breakfast before leaving this morning, but he’s definitely not hungry now.

“Thirsty?”

“Yeah,” Abed says, and he didn’t realize how thirsty until Jeff asked, and now he can’t think of anything else.

“Here,” Jeff says, and hands him a water bottle.

“Don’t wanna contaminate it,” Abed mutters.

“I can wash it later,” Jeff says, sounding amused. “Just drink.”

Abed drinks, and it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted in his life, which is good because it feels like fire going down his throat. It’s a confusing sensation.

“Thanks,” he whispers when the water is gone.

“I’m going to run inside,” Jeff says. “Just go back to sleep, okay? I’ll wake you up when we're home.”

Abed isn’t sure if he manages to nod before he dozes off.

The next time he wakes up, he’s in his bed, which is very disorienting because he doesn’t know how he got there or how long he’s been asleep. He’s absolutely freezing, and alone, and he’s about to start panicking when Jeff walks into the room.

“You’re awake,” he says, handing Abed a glass of water and some Tylenol. “How are you feeling?”

“So cold,” Abed says, and swallows the pills, making a face at the way they feel as they slide down his throat. “How did I get here?”

“I carried you,” Jeff says with a shrug, like it’s no big deal, like it’s not one of the nicest things he’s ever done. “Let me help you put on pajamas and get into bed.”

He grabs Abed’s pajamas out of the dresser and sets them on the bed. Abed shimmies out of his hoodie and then slowly raises his hands up in the air like a little kid. Jeff pulls off his t-shirt and slips the pajama top on in its place. Then Abed falls back on the bed and lets Jeff pull off his skinny jeans and replace them with pajama pants. He burrows under the blankets and Jeff tucks him in.

“Still cold,” Abed laments, shivering, so Jeff lays down on the bed and wraps his body around him, holding him close.

“Better?” he asks.

“Mm-hmm,” Abed sighs. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Jeff murmurs against Abed’s neck, and it’s warm and wonderful.

The next time he wakes up, Jeff makes him soup.

“I’m not hungry,” Abed protests.

“When was the last time you ate?”

“Yesterday, I guess,” he admits, and the look on Jeff’s face convinces him to take the bowl. Jeff sits on the bed with him while he eats.

After a few bites, Abed sets the bowl of soup in his lap and closes his eyes, swaying a little.

“Abed? You okay?” Jeff asks.

Abed is about to answer when he breaks out in a coughing fit, twisting to avoid coughing on Jeff, and, _oh, it hurts,_ it’s like knives in his throat, and when he finally stops coughing he just kind of folds in half, collapsing forward, and Jeff yanks the soup out of his lap before he can faceplant into it.

He doesn’t move for a minute, he’s too tired and it hurts too much, and he thinks maybe he won’t ever move again, and then he feels a pressure on his back and it’s Jeff, rubbing circles exactly the way Abed likes, and he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask Abed to move, and Abed actually nods off for a minute or two, folded up just like that. 

“Are you hot or cold right now?” Jeff asks, and Abed sits up slowly, his muscles aching.

“Hot,” he says, his voice raspy and painful. 

“I’ll be right back,” Jeff says, and he walks out of the room, reappearing a minute later with some cough medicine and a cup of ice water with a straw.

“Thanks,” Abed croaks. “What if I’d said cold?”

“I’d have made you tea,” Jeff says, and Abed feels a happy flutter in his stomach despite the numerous other unpleasant sensations currently at war in his body.

“You’re the best,” Abed whispers, his voice disappearing.

“Do you want more soup?” Jeff asks. “You barely ate any.”

Abed shakes his head and then lays down and pats the bed next to him.

“You want me to lay with you for a little while?”

Abed nods, closing his eyes already, and he feels Jeff move the covers out of the way since Abed isn't using them. He lays next to Abed, keeping a little space between them, but then Abed feels Jeff's fingers running through his hair, like he can't completely keep his hands off Abed, despite the fever. Abed starts to cough again, and Jeff reaches for the cup of water on the nightstand and guides the straw into Abed’s mouth, holding it there while he takes a few sips, and then sets it down carefully so it doesn’t spill.

“I’m making you more soup later,” Jeff says softly, like he's unsure if Abed is already asleep, and doesn't want to wake him if he is. “And I’ll bring you more water, and medicine, and whatever you need, until you feel better.”

There's a shift behind him and then Abed feels Jeff's lips press to his temple.

“‘Kay,” Abed mumbles. “Love you, Jeff.” 

The words are barely out of his mouth before he’s fast asleep.


	12. The One Where Abed is Still Sick

Jeff stays to care for Abed, even after Troy and Annie get home. Abed wakes up in the middle of the night in a coughing fit, only to find Jeff on the floor next to his bed, wrapped in blankets. He startles at the sound and sits up, reflexively reaching for the glass of water on the nightstand and passing it to Abed.

“Why are you on the floor?” Abed asks, just awake enough to feel guilty.

“You were really hot,” Jeff explains. “I didn’t want to make it worse.”

“Not hot anymore,” Abed yawns. “Wanna come back?”

“Sure,” Jeff says. “How are you feeling?” 

“Sick,” Abed says. “So sick. And I have to pee. And I don’t know if I can stand up.”

“I’ll help you,” Jeff says, getting up and facing Abed. “Can you walk? Or do you need me to carry you?”

“I can walk,” Abed says, not at all sure, but there’s no way Jeff is _carrying him to the bathroom,_ things are bad enough as it is. He slowly sits up and waits for the room to stop spinning before he stands.

Jeff puts an arm all the way around his waist, holding him tight, and takes his hand. 

“Ready?” Jeff asks.

“Not yet.”

“Okay. Just let me know.” 

He waits patiently while Abed gets his bearings. He hasn’t been on his feet in over 12 hours, and hasn’t eaten more than a little soup in over 24. When he’s sure he’s not going to fall, he nods at Jeff and puts a foot forward.

They slowly make their way, and the walk to the bathroom feels like a marathon. Abed’s head is heavy and fuzzy and none of his muscles want to move right, and his chest is all crackly and wet, and everything about him feels disgusting.

“Wait, why are you here?” he asks suddenly. “Where are Troy and Annie?”

“In their rooms sleeping,” Jeff says. “They offered to take care of you but I wanted to stay.”

“This is gross, though,” Abed says, confused. “Why would you want to stay for this?”

“Because I love you. Duh. Wouldn’t you stay for me?”

“Yes, but you don’t have anyone else to take care of you.” It’s not something he’s ever thought about before, but he just kind of assumed that Jeff would leave Abed to his roommates once they were available to take over. He and Troy and Annie have all experienced each other sick or drunk or messy or crazy. It’s not _fun,_ it’s just part of the roommate package. 

“I’m here because I want to be,” Jeff assures him. “Also, I’m really hoping you can manage on your own now that we’ve reached the bathroom, because I can go in with you if you really need--”

“God, no,” Abed interrupts. “Let me keep some of my dignity, please. I’ll figure it out.” He grips the counter to steady himself and closes the door behind him.

He manages with no catastrophes, and when he emerges Jeff picks him up and carries him like a bride back to his bed.

“I can walk,” Abed says. “You just saw me walk.”

“It took us like ten minutes to get there from your bedroom,” Jeff says. “And, no offense, but you look like you’re about to die. Also you weigh literally nothing, it’s no big deal. Here, it’s time for more medicine.”

He hands Abed the medicine and the cup of water and it’s probably a good thing Abed doesn’t have any energy to argue, because it’s disgusting and he almost chokes when he swallows. 

“Come be with me,” Abed says, burrowing back under the covers, and Jeff obliges, curling up around him like a comma and running his fingers through Abed’s hair. It’s one of Abed’s favorite things, Jeff playing with his hair, and he tries not to think of how sweaty and greasy his hair probably is right now.

He sleeps through until morning, and when he wakes up this time Jeff is still asleep. He doesn’t want to disturb him, since he was up half the night with Abed, but he’s out of water so he decides to try to get it on his own. He sits up slowly and picks up the glass, takes a couple of breaths, and then stands up. 

There’s a rushing sound in his ears and the next thing he knows, he’s on the floor. 

“Abed?”

Jeff sounds scared. Why is Jeff scared? He opens his eyes and tries to get up.

“Don’t move!” Jeff says sharply.

Abed opens his eyes wider, frightened at Jeff’s tone, and confused, _just so confused._

“Jeff?” he says weakly.

“Be careful,” Jeff says. “There’s broken glass everywhere.”

“Glass?”

“Yes, and I don’t want you to get cut.”

“Why is there glass? Why am I… What is happening?” Abed thinks he might cry, because that’s how disoriented and confused he is, plus his head is pounding and it’s hard to breathe and he’s tired, _so tired._

“Okay, take a breath,” Jeff says. “Just relax. You fainted.”

“What?”

“And you were holding your water glass, and it shattered when you dropped it. It woke me up, and I found you on the floor.”

“How long…”

“Just a couple of minutes,” Jeff says. “But, Jesus, Abed, what were you doing? Why did you get up?”

“I just needed water,” he says. “And I felt bad waking you up. You were up all night because of me.”

“I don’t care if you wake me up a hundred times, Abed. I stayed the night _so that_ I could take care of you.”

“I still felt bad,” he says. “I don’t like it when people have to do things for me.”

“I know.”

“But I made it worse, and now you have to clean up glass, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay," Jeff says. "Don’t worry about it. Will you just let me help you back into bed?”

“Okay,” Abed says, and Jeff picks him up very carefully, brushing away the truly alarming amount of glass, and deposits him back in his bed.

“Just rest,” he says. “I’ll take care of everything.”

“Could you, um, do one thing for me first?” Abed asks, and he hates it, he hates asking for things.

“Anything.”

“Could you bring me some water? In...not a glass?”

“Definitely,” Jeff says. “Can you do something for me, too?”

“What?” Abed asks.

“Let me bring you some breakfast, too.”

Abed frowns. He’s not hungry at all, but he hasn’t eaten since those few bites of soup yesterday.

“Please?” Jeff adds. He reaches out and takes Abed’s wrist in his hand, circling it with his thumb and index finger. “You can’t just not eat. You don’t have weight to lose.”

“Fine,” Abed says, because he owes Jeff at least that much for all he’s put up with. Also, Jeff isn’t wrong. Abed is always a little insecure about how thin he is, and missing meals isn’t going to do him any favors.

“Good,” Jeff says, and heads to the kitchen, returning a few moments later with a plastic cup of water and some yogurt.

“I thought this would be easier on your throat than Lucky Charms,” he explains. “But if you want something different, just let me know and I can get it.”

“Yogurt is good,” Abed says, after thinking about it for a minute. “Wait, what flavor?”

“Key lime,” Jeff says.

“Okay, good,” Abed says. “I can’t eat the ones that have chunks of fruit in them. You should probably know that.”

“You threatened me with an explanation of your food quirks the first time we got together,” Jeff says, smiling. “Remember?”

“Yup. It’s more relevant now, though. Remind me when I’m better and we’ll discuss,” Abed says.

“Will do,” Jeff says. “For now, no regular soda and no fruit in yogurt.”

Abed throws him a couple of weak finger guns and then takes the bowl. He stirs it a few times and then takes a bite, and it’s cold and feels nice on his throat. He manages to eat all of it, and feels a weird sense of satisfaction at that.

“Can I go back to sleep now?” he asks, handing Jeff the bowl.

“Of course,” he says, kissing Abed on the forehead.

“Will you come lay down with me again?”

“After I clean up the glass,” he promises.

“Thanks again,” Abed mumbles.

He thinks he hears Jeff say, “Anything for you,” but maybe he’s already dreaming, because that’s pretty sappy, even for Jeff.


	13. The One Where Jeff and Abed Weren't Having Sex

Miraculously, Jeff doesn’t get sick. After about a week Abed is basically back to normal, and they are back in their secret study room again, hanging out before meeting up with the rest of the group. They’re going to be late, but Jeff has a problem, and that problem is that he can’t stop making out with Abed.

It’s not his fault. With Abed sick, it’s been a long week of naps and temperatures and medicine and tissues and glasses of water and _waking up to the terror of finding Abed unconscious on the floor surrounded in shattered fucking glass._ And it’s been punctuated with soft kisses on Abed’s neck or forehead, lots of hugs and whispered _I love you_ s, and occasionally carrying Abed in his arms, which he loves more than he’d ever admit. But it’s not enough. There have been no real kisses, there’s been no real touching.

He feels the loss acutely, missing Abed even while holding him, trying not to wake him when he slips out of bed each morning hard and aching, shuffling to the bathroom to take care of it. Feeling like a teenager at summer camp as he sneaks around a space that isn’t his, trying to be as quick and discreet as possible while listening for signs of life outside the door, biting his hand to keep from making a sound when he comes. Not being entirely successful, and praying to any possible potential deity that there’s no one around to hear the strangled cry that escapes his throat. Making his way back to the bedroom afterwards, and it’s not a walk of shame by any stretch, but somehow he still feels a little guilty. Getting back into bed and wrapping himself around Abed as if he never left. He half wonders if Abed knows what he’s doing and isn’t saying anything to preserve Jeff’s dignity.

This morning, though, as soon as they get to the secret study room, Abed locks the door behind them and Jeff sits down on the table, which is a habit he picked up from Abed. The next thing he knows Abed is in his lap, his mouth pressing urgently against Jeff’s as though tasting something delicious that he’s missed, and actually, maybe that’s how it feels to him.

There’s something about making out while they can hear the noise and bustle of people in the hallway outside that both Jeff and Abed find a little thrilling, which is probably why they get carried away. When Abed’s phone vibrates in his pocket, they both feel it because it’s pressed between them, Jeff on his back on the table, Abed on top of him, both of them trying to focus on kissing, just kissing, because they’re at school, and they have places to be. 

Abed tears himself away from Jeff to check his phone, holding it up between them so Jeff can see, too. 

It’s Troy:

**Where are u guys? Coming 2 study grp?**

“Shit, what time is it?” Jeff says, glancing up at the clock, and they’re almost ten minutes late already.

Abed texts back:

**On our way, sorry. Running late.**

He jumps off the table and grabs his messenger bag. Jeff slides down next to him and heads to the door.

“Wait,” Abed says, and puts his hand on Jeff’s shoulder.

“What’s up?” Jeff asks, a little impatient. He feels in his pockets to make sure he has his keys and cell phone.

“You look like you’ve been making out intensely in a study room for the last hour.”

“I have.”

“Right. Do you want the group to know that, though?”

“I’m positive they already know, Abed,” Jeff says, not needing a reminder.

“Wipe your mouth and fix your clothes, Jeff,” Abed says with a sigh.

When Jeff finally looks at him, he understands. Abed’s hoodie is all askew, his jeans wrinkled, his mouth shiny and swollen, his eyes dilated. Jeff can’t see his own face, obviously, but he wipes his mouth anyway, and his hand comes away wet. When he looks down he sees that his shirt is riding up and the top button of his jeans has somehow come undone.

“Jesus, what did we just _do?”_ he mutters.

“Some very good kissing,” Abed says, and Jeff can’t quite tell if that’s a smirk on his face.

He reaches over and tugs on Abed’s clothes, trying to flatten them and make him presentable, and Abed does the same for Jeff, pulling and buttoning and arranging until he seems basically back to normal. 

“Shall we?” says Jeff, and steps out the door, Abed behind him.

They get to Study Room F and walk in, quickly finding their seats, and Jeff doesn’t notice right away that the room is silent until he looks up and sees everyone else staring at them.

“Uh, sorry we’re late,” he says, confused.

“What have you been _doing?”_ Britta bursts out.

“What? What do you mean?” He glances at Abed without thinking, and Abed’s eyes suddenly go wide and he buries his face in his hands.

“Your, uh, hair,” Troy chimes in, and he’s clearly trying not to laugh. 

“It’s obvious that you two are late because you’ve been having gay sex,” Pierce says helpfully. 

Jeff puts a hand up to his head and cringes. He pulls out his phone and turns on the front camera, then holds it up and...yup. He _does_ have sex hair, and when he looks at Abed again, who is now frantically messing with his, it’s obvious that he does, too, and somehow they both missed it.

“Um,” Jeff says, at a loss. “We weren’t having sex?”

Five sets of eyebrows raise in response.

“We really weren’t,” Abed insists. “We were just making out.”

“I’m going to choose to believe that,” Shirley says.

“I’m not,” says Annie, grinning. “Abed, I’m surprised at you! Jeff, not so much, considering what you and Britta did in this room. But Abed!”

“I can’t make you believe us,” Abed says calmly, shrugging. “See you later.” He picks up his bag and walks out of the room.

“Abed!” calls Britta, but he doesn’t turn around, and Jeff glares at her.

“Now see what you guys have done?” he says. 

“Do you think he’s really upset?” Annie asks, suddenly subdued.

“No,” Jeff and Troy say at the same time, and then look at each other in surprise. _That’s a new one,_ Jeff thinks.

“Abed doesn’t care if you think he’s having sex,” Troy says. 

“He cares that you don’t believe him,” Jeff adds. “And I do, too, which is why I’m also leaving.” He walks out of the room without another word or glance.

Abed is waiting for him in their secret room, of course. Jeff locks the door behind him.

“You okay?” Jeff asks warily.

“Yup,” Abed says. “Honestly, I was a little annoyed, but mostly I figured I’d use that as an excuse to escape, and then you would follow me, and then we could make out some more before class.”

“You’re insatiable,” Jeff says.

“I’ve been sick for a week,” Abed replies. “And you’re not the only one who wakes up frustrated every morning. You’re just the only one who’s been doing something about it.”

He gives Jeff a meaningful look and bites his lip, a picture of innocence, and Jeff doesn’t know whether to feel humiliated or turned on. He opens his mouth, but no words come out, and he closes it again, feeling like a fish.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Abed says, putting his hands on Jeff’s shoulder and standing on his toes so his mouth is right next to Jeff’s ear. “It’s kinda hot,” he whispers, and then steps away and pulls himself up to sit on the table, ankles dangling, watching Jeff.

Jeff is pretty sure his brain is short-circuiting, and he just stands there for a minute, staring at Abed.

 _“You’re_ kinda hot,” he finally says, and then blushes.

“I like when you blush,” Abed says. “It reminds me of the romantic comedy stuff from when we started dating.”

Jeff steps up to the table so that he’s standing between Abed’s legs and reaches for him, sliding his fingers into Abed’s still-messy hair and kissing him thoroughly.

“They probably all think we’re having sex again,” he murmurs into Abed’s mouth.

“So why aren’t we?” Abed breathes back.

“We don’t even have class for an hour,” Jeff says. “Let’s go to my place.”

Abed is on his feet and opening the door before he even finishes speaking.


	14. The One With the Stimming and Food Stuff

“Hey, Abed, can I ask you a question?” Jeff says one day when they’re hanging out in Abed’s room. Abed is on his bed paging through a comic book and Jeff is looking at the stuff on his bookshelves. 

“Go for it,” Abed says, without looking up.

“What are all these tins stacked on your shelf?” He remembers them from when they moved Abed into this room, but he never got around to asking at the time.

“That’s my putty collection,” Abed says matter-of-factly, joining Jeff in front of the shelf and picking up one of the tins. He opens it, and sure enough, what’s inside is brightly colored and reminds Jeff of the stuff that used to come in plastic eggs, just more of it.

“Why…” Jeff starts to speak without thinking about what he’s going to say, and ends up stuck, not wanting to be rude, but also not really understanding.

“It helps when I get anxious or overwhelmed,” Abed explains. “To play with it, I mean. Or to bring me back when I’m spacing out. And it keeps my hands busy.” He frowns.

It looks like Abed isn’t done speaking, so Jeff doesn’t say anything, he just nods and waits.

“Sometimes I get really agitated,” Abed says. “And if my hands aren’t busy doing something else, I kind of accidentally hurt myself without realizing it?” He takes the putty out of the tin as he’s talking and starts to work it between his hands. He doesn’t look at Jeff.

“Hurt yourself how?” Jeff asks softly, keeping his eyes on the bookshelf instead of Abed.

“Nothing terrible,” Abed says quickly. “Just, like, pinching or scratching. But I bruise easily, so it’s not great.”

“Okay,” says Jeff, because he’s not sure what else to say. “This helps, though?”

“Yeah,” Abed says. “A lot. To keep my hands busy, like I said, but also I think it gives me something to focus on when other stuff is too much. Sometimes I get, like, overstimulated? Sounds are too loud, lights are too bright. This helps me calm down. It’s soothing. It’s the same concept as that box of fidget cubes.” He points to a box on another shelf.

“Or those empty mechanical pencils you click?” Jeff asks.

“Exactly.”

“That used to drive me crazy, you know,” he says. “In study group. I had no idea why you were doing it.”

“The pencils are a last resort, because they’re annoying,” Abed says. “The putty is quieter. That’s why I have so many of them. I usually keep them all over the place so there’s always one within reach.”

“You should bring some to my place,” Jeff says.

Abed grins and plucks a few tins off the shelf and hands them to Jeff, who puts them in his pocket. 

“Cool,” he says. “Cool cool cool.”

“While we’re kind of on the subject,” Jeff says, “want to give me a rundown of your food stuff?”

“I can try,” Abed says. “It’s dumb and complicated, though. I call them quirks because it’s easier to say. It’s actually pretty messed up.”

“So is ditching carbs and patting pizza with a napkin before eating it, but I do both of those,” Jeff points out, and that makes Abed smile.

“It’s mostly textures and temperatures,” he says, and walks over to the bed and lays down, and Jeff follows. They both stare up at the ceiling, and Jeff takes Abed’s hand in his.

“Okay,” Jeff says.

“I need hot food to be really hot and cold food to be really cold,” he says in a rush. “I can’t deal with things not being the temperature they’re supposed to be. That one is the worst, because it makes me look like an asshole when I can’t eat because my food has been sitting out too long and it’s room temperature.”

He turns his head to look at Jeff, and Jeff squeezes his hand.

“I’ll remember that,” he says, and Abed nods.

“I can’t eat things with radically different textures together, like yogurt with fruit in it, or ice cream with cookie dough, or tuna salad with celery. It freaks me out.”

“Got it,” Jeff says.

“There’s a bunch of other random foods I can’t eat. There’s no pattern, it’s inconsistent and complicated and really, really annoying, but I can’t help it. And you’ll probably just learn about those as we go.” The longer Abed talks, the softer his voice gets, and Jeff thinks it’s a good thing they’re so close together.

“That’s fine,” he says, trying to sound comforting.

“It’s not just being picky,” Abed says, a little desperately. “I _can’t_ eat those things. I literally can’t swallow them. I promise it’s not me trying to be difficult.”

“I never thought it was,” Jeff assures him.

“I don’t, um, know why I’m like this?” Abed says, his voice suddenly frantic and very small. “Like, if it’s just related to all the other sensory stuff, or if it’s an eating disorder. I don’t know. I’ve always been like this. And I don’t like to talk about it, so I usually don’t.”

Abed has let go of Jeff’s hand, and when Jeff looks over he sees Abed furiously working the putty that must have been in his other hand this whole time, stretching it and squeezing it and tossing it back and forth.

“I’m glad you’re talking to me about it now,” he says. “You know I love you, right?”

“Yeah. I just wanted to be honest. You make me want to be honest.” Abed takes a deep breath. “Oh, and I love you, too.”

“I just want to know you,” Jeff says, and leans over to kiss Abed’s temple. “All of you.”

“I want to know all of you, too,” Abed says, glancing at him with wide eyes.

“I don’t just ditch carbs,” Jeff blurts out suddenly, taking himself by surprise. “I’m afraid of them. It’s, uh, probably not okay, actually.”

He feels a tugging on his jeans and looks to see Abed pulling one of the tins of putty out of his pocket. He wordlessly hands it to Jeff, and Jeff opens it. It’s bright blue and soft and sticky, and he rolls it between his hands and thinks about what he just said.

“Thank you for telling me,” Abed says calmly.

“You don’t sound surprised,” Jeff says.

“It’s not that I knew,” Abed says. “I kind of suspected, though.”

“Why?” Jeff squeezes the putty in his hands and finds it surprisingly satisfying.

“Some stuff you said to me at my birthday dinner a few years ago, mostly,” Abed says hesitantly, like he knows that’s not what Jeff wants to hear, and he’s right.

“Jesus, Abed, I’d finally blocked that out of my mind,” Jeff grumbles. He knows what Abed is referring to, though, Jeff’s confession about his body image issues, things he’s never told another person, and he guesses maybe it’s good that Abed already knows.

“Sorry,” Abed says. “For real. I’m sorry about that whole night. It was a bad idea.”

“Yes, it was,” Jeff says. “But I understand why you did it -- sort of -- and I forgave you a long time ago.”

“Good,” Abed says, sounding relieved. 

“Anyway,” says Jeff, intending to finish the thought, but finding himself at a loss.

“Anyway,” Abed agrees. “Do you want to keep talking about heavy stuff, or do you want to go see if Troy and Annie want to watch a movie?”

“Movie,” Jeff says, standing up. “Definitely movie.”

“Excellent,” Abed says, following him.

“Hey.” Jeff stops in the doorway and turns so Abed almost walks into him. He wraps his arms around him and kisses him hard on the mouth, like he’s trying to say something important.

Abed melts into his touch and lets his mouth fall open, and it’s a kiss but it’s also a conversation, a much easier conversation than the one they just had, and they draw it out much longer than strictly necessary.


	15. The One Where Jeff Takes a Positive Step

Abed is watching _Inspector Spacetime_ with Troy one afternoon when the phone rings, and it’s Jeff. He’s surprised, because Jeff usually texts him. He tells Troy he’ll be right back and heads to his room, answering on the way.

“Hi, Jeff,” he says.

“Hey,” Jeff says, and his voice sounds funny.

“Are you okay?” Abed asks, trying not to sound alarmed.

“Yeah,” Jeff says. “I just...it’s not a big deal.”

“What’s not a big deal?”

“I know you think something’s wrong because I sound like I’m losing my fucking mind but it’s actually a good thing? Probably?”

“Okay,” Abed says, and waits.

“I, uh. Made an appointment. With a new therapist.”

“Jeff, that’s awesome.”

“It’s someone who specializes in, uh, trauma,” Jeff says. “And alcoholism and eating issues and stuff like that. I think it’s all probably related.”

“Definitely,” Abed agrees. “Jeff, that’s amazing. I’m so proud of you.”

“I was expecting to have to wait a long time,” Jeff says, his voice shaking. “But she had an opening in a few days and I said okay. And now I’m freaking out a little. Or a lot. I kind of, uh, faked it through therapy last time.”

“Do you want to come over?” Abed asks, because Jeff just sounds so fragile. 

“No,” Jeff says. “But I do want to be with you. Can I pick you up? And bring you back here?”

“Yes,” Abed says. “Text me when you get here. I'll be ready.”

“See you soon.”

Abed goes back to the living room where Troy is waiting on the couch.

“Jeff is coming to pick me up,” he tells Troy.

“I thought we were watching TV tonight!” Troy exclaims, turning to look at Abed.

“We were. But it’s kind of an emergency.”

“Uh-oh, is everything okay?” Troy asks, quickly flipping from annoyed to concerned.

“Yeah,” Abed says. “Nothing bad happened. It’s kind of hard to explain without sharing Jeff’s business, though.”

“No problem, buddy,” Troy says. “Pick this up again tomorrow night?”

“Yes,” Abed says. “See you later. Or in the morning.” He heads down to the parking lot to wait for Jeff.

When he gets in the car Jeff immediately grabs his hand and doesn’t let go. He doesn’t say anything, just starts driving towards his place.

“Hey,” Abed says softly, after they’ve been driving for a minute or so. He squeezes Jeff’s hand.

“Hey,” Jeff replies. 

“Are you okay?” Abed asks. “For real?”

Jeff takes a breath, only it’s more like a gasp, and doesn’t say anything.

“Pull over,” Abed says.

“What?”

“Pull over,” he repeats. “I’m gonna drive.”

“You can drive?” Jeff asks, apparently momentarily distracted from his distress.

“Yup,” Abed says. “I don’t love it, and I don’t have a car, so I usually don’t. But I have a license.” He pulls out his wallet and shows Jeff. “Now, let me drive. I hate to tell you, but you’re not in great shape for it right now.”

“I know,” Jeff mutters, pulling into a gas station parking lot.

“Will you be okay if I run inside real quick?” Abed asks, and Jeff nods.

Abed goes into the gas station and buys two cups of hot tea. When he gets back to the car, Jeff has moved to the passenger seat, and Abed slips into the driver’s side and moves the seat forward, passing Jeff one of the cups.

“It’s soothing,” he explains when Jeff doesn’t say anything, and starts adjusting the mirrors.

“Thanks,” Jeff sputters.

“Do you want to go home or do you want to drive around or do you want to go somewhere in particular?” Abed asks. “Or if you don’t feel like making decisions, I can pick something for you.”

“You pick,” Jeff says, sounding relieved. “How did you know?”

“I can’t make choices when I’m panicking,” Abed says. 

“I’m not panicking.”

“Are you sure about that?” Abed glances at Jeff before pulling onto the road.

“I just don’t want to do this,” Jeff bursts out. “But I also feel like not doing it isn’t an option anymore.” His voice is already starting to sound ragged.

“Why isn’t it an option anymore?” Abed asks, and he’s not trying to play therapist, he’s actually curious.

Jeff responds, but he speaks so quietly Abed can’t hear him.

“What?” he asks. “Sorry.”

“I said, _because of you,”_ Jeff says, slightly louder than before.

“What did I do?” Abed asks, eyes wide, and reaches for his tea.

“You...you’re not perfect,” Jeff begins. “I mean, you have issues and obstacles, but you overcome them.”

“Um,” says Abed, not sure whether to interrupt.

“Okay, overcome is the wrong word,” Jeff says, and Abed relaxes a little. “You handle them.”

“Sometimes,” Abed agrees. “Sometimes I manage them.”

“You have tools, though,” Jeff explains. “Workarounds. I...I want to have those, too.”

“Good,” Abed says slowly. “That’s good. I want you to have those, too. But I also need you to know I’m still really fucked up. I can’t...don’t make me into a role model or anything. I don’t want to give you unrealistic expectations. My brain is a terrifying place.”

Jeff squeezes his hand.

“I know,” he says. “I was there for your stop-motion Christmas.”

“Right.”

“I’m not expressing it right,” Jeff says. “What I mean is, you’re trying, and I’m not, and I _want_ to try. For the first time.”

“I can get behind that,” Abed says.

“Where are we going, by the way?” Jeff asks, as Abed gets on the freeway.

“I don’t know,” Abed admits. “But isn’t it easier to talk when you’re in the car and you can’t look at each other and there’s nothing else you feel like you need to be doing?”

Jeff squeezes Abed’s hand again.

“Yeah, it actually is,” he says. “Hey, now that I know you can drive, can I ask you a favor?”

“I would love to drive you to your appointment so you don’t chicken out at the last minute. Thank you _so_ much for asking.” Abed doesn’t look at Jeff but he can feel Jeff look at him, and he grins.

“Jesus, Abed, how do you do that?”

Abed shrugs.

“I just know you, I guess,” he says. “Or maybe it has to do with me loving you. Or maybe I just recognize a good sitcom trope when I see one.”

Instead of responding, Jeff reaches out and turns on the stereo. There’s a CD already in the player, and a piano riff starts, and when Abed glances over he notes that track 5 is auto-set to play on repeat, and he wonders how long Jeff’s had it that way.

_"I’ve found a way to make you_  
_I’ve found a way_ _  
_ _A way to make you smile..."_

They don’t speak for a while, both just listening, and the song plays over and over and eventually Abed turns around and starts heading for Jeff’s place.

“How--” Abed begins, and Jeff interrupts him.

“Since we started dating,” he says. “It makes me think of you.”

“You haven’t gotten sick of it?”

“I could never,” he insists. 

“Love you,” Abed says, feeling warm and content.

“Love you, too,” Jeff says, and Abed thinks his voice sounds calm for the first time since they got in the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is [At My Most Beautiful](https://youtu.be/SVbdumANi1A) by R.E.M.


	16. The One Where They Discuss Consent

They end up back at Jeff’s, on the couch under a blanket watching TV, Abed curled up against Jeff’s shoulder and Jeff’s arm wrapped around him. He kisses the top of Abed’s head, lingers there for a moment, breathes in the scent of his shampoo. He feels calm and warm and cozy. He feels safe.

“Mmm,” Abed says, and tilts his head up until he can see Jeff, and Jeff takes the opportunity to kiss him on the mouth, soft and chaste, and then pull him even closer, wrapping both arms around him and holding him tight. Abed relaxes and melts into Jeff and they sit like that for a long time.

“I love you,” Jeff says eventually. “Thanks for being here.”

“I love you too,” Abed replies. “How are you?”

“Better than earlier.”

“Good,” Abed says, and pulls the blanket up higher.

“Are you cold?” Jeff asks, already knowing the answer.

“Always,” Abed says, and tries to snuggle even closer to Jeff, as if that were possible, and Jeff thinks it’s impossibly cute.

“Let’s go lay in bed,” Jeff says, and Abed sits up and wraps the blanket around his shoulders like a cape. He takes Jeff’s hand and follows him to the bedroom.

They sit down on the bed and Abed slips his shoes off, then looks at Jeff questioningly, waiting, and Jeff wonders if Abed can read his mind, wonders how Abed can tell that this is different.

“I don’t want to have sex,” Jeff says without meaning to, which is the best way to say it, because otherwise he might not be able to find the words.

“Okay,” says Abed, as if Jeff said that he didn’t want a cup of coffee.

“Okay,” Jeff says with a sigh.

“Was that hard for you to say?” Abed asks, a confused look on his face.

“Kind of.”

“Why?” Abed wraps the blanket all the way around himself and turns toward Jeff. He’s leaning forward a little, as if he wants to go to him but he doesn’t know if he should.

There’s a long pause while Jeff gathers his thoughts.

“I felt bad, I guess,” he finally says, staring down at his hands. “Or embarrassed, or something.”

“Because you don’t feel like having sex right now,” Abed says slowly, almost like a question.

“Yeah.”

“Do I make you feel pressured to have sex, Jeff?” Abed asks, and the devastation in his voice makes Jeff glance up. Abed’s eyes are huge and his face shows something like horror or despair.

“God, no, Abed,” Jeff says as quickly as possible, and lunges across the bed and puts his arms around him. “Never. I promise.”

“I don’t understand,” Abed says warily. “Did I do something else to make you feel like you couldn’t be honest about what you want?”

“No,” Jeff says. “No, it’s nothing to do with you at all, Abed. It’s my own issue.”

“Oh. Okay,” Abed says, and relaxes the tiniest bit. “But you know you can always tell me. What you want and what you don’t want, I mean. You  _ should  _ always tell me.”

“I will.”

“Can you promise?” Abed asks.

“Promise what?”

“That you won’t ever let me make you do something that you don’t want to do. That you’ll communicate with me, because otherwise I won’t know. Can you promise me?”

“Yeah, Abed,” Jeff says, taking his hand and squeezing it. “I promise.”

“Cool. Cool cool cool,” Abed says, and squeezes back. “I promise you, too. Just for the record.”

Jeff lets go of Abed’s hand and puts his arms around him, hugging him tight. Abed is still wrapped up in the blanket from the couch. Jeff doesn’t think it’s that cold in the apartment, but Abed’s hand  _ was _ freezing. 

“Let’s get in the bed,” he says. “So we can get you warm.”

Under the covers, Jeff cuddles Abed close, brushing his lips across his temple. They are quiet, and Abed relaxes into his arms, and pretty soon his breathing slows and Jeff realizes he’s fallen asleep. 

Jeff marvels at the incredible human in his arms, this man who was so horrified at the thought that he might have accidentally pressured Jeff into something he wasn’t comfortable with. It all feels brand new to Jeff, the concept of explicitly discussing consent instead of trying to maintain an image and keep face at all costs. The idea of trusting another person enough to not only call them to express his insecurities about starting therapy, but to let them drive his Lexus when he’s never even seen them behind the wheel of a car before.

He kisses Abed lightly on the head and rubs his back, wanting to stay like this forever, because when they’re together he knows that things might actually be okay. He thinks about the first time he met Abed, and their friendship, and how much both of them have grown. He thinks about how easily this never could have happened, this thing between them, how Jeff could have missed it or ignored it, how  _ Abed _ could have missed it or ignored it, and it gives him a stomachache, so he stops thinking about that.

He thinks,  _ Winger, when did you become so soft? _ And then he thinks,  _ this is so much better, though. _ The study group is his family, and it’s a family that makes him better, makes him  _ want to be _ better. It’s a family whose baggage they can confront and overcome together, and that’s definitely something he’s never known before. 

Abed stirs and a moment later his eyes flutter open.

“Hey,” he says, his voice lazy and still full of sleep.

“Good morning,” Jeff teases. “How was your nap?”

“Finally warm,” Abed says, and yawns, squeezing his eyes shut, then blinking a few times.

“I’m glad,” Jeff says. 

“Did you sleep?” Abed asks.

“No.”

“You just held me this whole time?” Abed looks surprised.

“Yup,” Jeff says, and ruffles his hair.

“How come?”

“I like to watch you sleep. Not in a creepy way. And I had some stuff to think about.”

“Was it good thinking?” Abed rearranges himself in Jeff’s arms so that he’s sitting up.

“Yeah, it was,” Jeff says. “Really good, actually.”

“Good,” Abed says. “I’m guessing you probably needed that.”

Jeff answers by hugging Abed.

“Are you hungry?” he asks. “We can order dinner, or I can take you home.”

“Dinner’s good,” Abed says. 

“Do you want to stay here tonight?”

“Yeah,” Abed says. “I sleep better when I’m with you.”

Jeff leans down and kisses him, and he can tell Abed is letting him take the lead, allowing him the opportunity to decide what he’s comfortable with. Jeff appreciates the gesture, but he responds by opening his mouth and deepening the kiss, moving his hand up to cradle the back of Abed’s head, and Abed responds in kind, exploring Jeff’s mouth with his tongue and resting a hand on his chest.

Jeff knows he still doesn’t want to have sex tonight, but for the first time he’s not worried about it, he doesn’t feel like he has to try to convince himself, to talk himself into something just in case that’s what his partner wants. He’s never felt pressured by Abed, not even a little, but it’s automatic for his brain to go there anyway, because he’s been doing it for so long. 

They kiss for a good while, and when they’re done kissing they have dinner and watch TV, and then they go to bed and kiss some more, and it’s enough, it’s everything. It’s perfect.


	17. The One Where Jeff Goes to Therapy

The morning of Jeff’s first therapy appointment, he texts Abed early.

**7:01AM**   
**JEFF: Just a heads up, woke up not feeling very well**

**7:02AM** **  
****ABED: Are you trying to set up a plausible reason for you to back out of your therapy session this afternoon?**

 **7:02AM** **  
****JEFF: …**

 **7:03AM** **  
****JEFF: …**

 **7:04AM** **  
****JEFF: It can’t be THAT common of a TV trope**

 **7:04AM** **  
****ABED: It’s not, I recognize it because I’ve done it a bunch of times.**

 **7:05AM** **  
****JEFF: …**

 **7:06AM** **  
****JEFF: So this would be you not letting me off the hook, then**

 **7:06AM** **  
****ABED: Correct.**

They meet soon after in their secret study room. Abed gets there first, and when Jeff opens the door, Abed grabs him and pulls him straight into his arms and hugs him tight.

“It’s going to be okay,” Abed says into Jeff’s shoulder. “You can do this. I promise.”

Jeff doesn’t say anything, just lifts his arms around Abed’s waist and hugs him back. They stay there for a while, and this has become one of their things, these long, drawn out hugs where they just hold each other, literally support each other, feel safe with each other.

Then Jeff lets go and Abed sits on the table, his usual spot. Jeff reaches out and takes Abed’s hands, like he can’t bear to be completely separate from him right now, and Abed doesn’t mind, he loves the feel of Jeff’s hands in his.

“I just don’t know,” Jeff says, finally responding to Abed. “I don’t _know_ if I can do this.”

“You can, though,” Abed says. “Just focus on today. It’s your first appointment. It’s new and terrifying. Just focus on going. On getting there. Walking through the door. You’re not going to have to reveal all of your stuff to this person on the first day. There’s trust to be built. So don’t worry about that yet, don’t let that send you into a panic or a spiral. Just worry about giving this person a chance.”

“How do you always know what to say?” Jeff asks.

“I don’t,” Abed says. “We’re just really similar, only we experience things in a different order. Sometimes I draw on my experiences to help you. Sometimes you draw on your experiences to help me. It’s why we work so well, I think.”

“I never really thought about it that way,” Jeff says, and leans in to kiss Abed’s forehead. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being you,” Jeff says, and Abed smiles.

The school day goes by quickly for Abed, although he’s sure it’s dragging for Jeff, and the appointment is at 4:00 so they head to Jeff’s car right after study group. Abed holds out his hand to Jeff.

“Keys, please,” he says, and Jeff reluctantly hands them over.

“What if I just...didn’t go,” Jeff says hopefully.

“That wouldn’t be great,” Abed says. “Because then you’d have to reschedule, and then you’d have to keep dreading it for a lot longer. Is that what you want?”

“No,” Jeff grumbles, and walks around to the passenger side of the car.

It’s a short drive, and they get there with a few minutes to spare before Jeff needs to go inside.

“I don’t want to do this,” Jeff says.

Abed responds by leaning over the console and kissing Jeff so intensely it’s a good thing the windows are tinted. He rests one hand on Jeff’s thigh and hums into his mouth and he doesn’t pull back until he hears Jeff make a quiet moaning sound in the back of his throat.

“Distracted?” he asks, wiping his mouth as Jeff stares at him.

“Uh. Yeah,” Jeff says, and blinks.

“Good, because you have like three minutes to cool down before you have to go in,” Abed says, and hands him a bottle of water.

Jeff drinks, still looking dazed, and then shakes his head at Abed and laughs.

“That’s one way to do it, I guess,” he says.

“Yup. Now, go, before you’re late. Everything is fine. I’ll be here when you’re done.”

“Are you going anywhere?” Jeff asks.

“No, I have my laptop,” Abed replies. “I’ll watch a movie.”

“Oh. Okay. See you soon, then.” He still looks hesitant.

“I love you,” Abed says, and nods at him.

“I love you too," Jeff says, nods once, and walks toward the building.

An hour later, Abed checks the clock and puts his computer away, because Jeff should be finishing up any minute. He wonders what he will be greeted with, how Jeff will be, if he should be prepared to console or congratulate. He decides to stop stressing about it, and his timing is good because that’s when he sees Jeff approaching.

He gets in the car and closes the door and buckles his seatbelt. Abed doesn’t say anything, just waits.

“It wasn’t the _worst_ hour I’ve ever spent,” Jeff says slowly.

“That’s good?” Abed says, not sure if he’s asking a question, and then decides to commit. “I mean, _is_ that good?”

“I think so,” Jeff says, and he just looks so fragile, and Abed wants to hold him, but the car isn’t the place to do that.

“Should I head to your place?” Abed asks, getting ready to turn the key in the ignition. “Don’t stop talking. It’s just, the sooner we get there the sooner I can hug you.”

“Hug me first,” Jeff blurts out, and unbuckles his seatbelt and bursts out of the car. 

Abed takes a split second to process and then follows, and they meet behind the car and Abed throws his arms around Jeff, squeezing him as tight as he can. And it’s as though Jeff draws strength from Abed’s embrace, because Abed can feel him stand up a little straighter, and when they let go he walks purposefully back to the passenger seat.

“Better?” Abed asks.

“Much,” Jeff says. “I needed that.”

“Glad to be of service,” Abed replies. “Still want me to drive? And if so, where are we going?”

“Yeah, you should still drive,” Jeff says. “I’m still a little...weird. Want to go to that diner where I took you on our first date? And just...talk and drink tea or something?”

“Cool,” Abed says. “Cool cool cool.” He starts driving in that direction, and Jeff turns on the radio.

Once they’re settled in a booth at the diner, each with a cup of tea, Abed looks at Jeff and raises his eyebrows.

“Okay,” says Jeff. “I didn’t like it. At all.”

Abed nods, but doesn’t say anything. He sips his tea.

“But I made another appointment for next week.”

Abed can’t help the smile that breaks out on his face, relief washing through his body. He didn’t realize how tense he was until now.

“That’s excellent,” he says. “I’m really glad. Do you want to talk more about it?”

“I just...I hate therapy, and I hate talking about my issues. And my last therapist used to kind of follow my lead and respond to what I had to say, and that was it. Which was great because I didn’t _have_ to say anything. This lady is more direct. She asks questions and expects answers. She asked me what I want to get out of our sessions. It was really unpleasant and I didn’t like it, but I also felt like she clearly knows what she’s doing and she’s not afraid to push me. And that’s probably what I need.”

“Do you feel like you could grow to trust her?” Abed asks.

“Yeah,” Jeff says. “That’s what made me decide to go back.”

“I’m really glad, Jeff. I really wanted this to work out for you.”

“Me too,” he admits. “Thanks for not letting me chicken out. I would have.”

“I know,” Abed says, and smiles, and bites his lip.

“Don’t do that in here,” Jeff hisses. “It does things to me.”

Abed can’t help it, he starts to _giggle,_ and he reaches across the table and takes Jeff’s hand.

“Why don’t we just go home, then?” Abed suggests. “Yours or mine, it doesn’t matter to me.”

“Mine,” Jeff says, tossing a few dollars on the table to pay for the tea. “And I’m driving this time.


	18. The One Where Abed Has Spidey-Senses

Jeff arrives at the secret study room one morning to find Abed sitting hunched over at the table with headphones on. It’s an odd sight, because Abed usually sits on top of the table, and Jeff isn’t sure he’s ever seen him wear headphones before. Abed’s eyes are shut, and he’s click-click-clicking a mechanical pencil in his hand. 

Jeff approaches him, concerned, but unsure how to get his attention. He’s guessing touching Abed isn’t a great idea, although that’s pure speculation. Finally he picks up the chair next to Abed and pulls it out noisily, hoping that will be enough. 

It turns out it is, but in maybe the worst way, because Abed’s eyes fly open long enough to see Jeff standing there before he lowers his head to the table and wraps his arms around it, effectively sealing the headphones to his ears. One hand still holds the pencil, clicking in a rhythm that comes and goes.

Jeff doesn’t know what to do, unsure what Abed is reacting to, what is causing this, if anything is causing it at all. A small voice in his head keeps piping up to ask if it was something _he_ did, but he tries to ignore it since he doesn’t have any evidence of that (yet). He decides to sit down in the chair he just pulled out and play on his phone until Abed is ready to move, and hopes that will be soon, because they have study group in 15 minutes. He realizes that from where he’s sitting he can hear a little bit of the sound coming from Abed’s headphones, which means the music must be _really_ loud.

Unfortunately, 15 minutes pass and Abed hasn’t moved; the only way Jeff knows he isn’t dead is because he can see his back rise and fall slightly with each breath. He wonders for a second if he should go, just leave Abed alone, but he can’t bear the thought of abandoning him like this, so instead he texts Troy:

**Do you know what to do when Abed puts on headphones and hides and is unresponsive? Related question: can you let everyone know we won’t be at study group?**

He hopes he’s not breaking some sort of bond of trust, but this is _Troy,_ so he’s not really worried about it, he just hopes Troy can help, and wonders why he didn’t think to text him 15 minutes ago.

Troy responds:

**are u at school or at home? did something happen? is he making any kind of noise?**

Jeff relaxes a tiny bit, just knowing that he’s not alone in this, that Troy has faced this before, and Troy loves Abed as much as Jeff does, if in a different way. This is just someone who loves Abed learning from someone who also loves Abed.

 **8:41AM** **  
****JEFF: We’re at school. He’s got his head down on a table and won’t look or talk. He’s not making any sound. Keeps clicking a mechanical pencil.**

 **8:42AM** **  
****TROY: u can do one of 2 things. leave him alone and let it pass. idk how long it will take. he’s probably got that spidey-sense thing and it’s overwhelming him.**

 **8:42AM** **  
****JEFF: Spidey-sense thing?**

 **8:43AM** **  
****TROY: like where all his senses are enhanced and he can hear the lights and stuff.**

 **8:43AM** **  
****TROY: u can also try touching him but if u do make sure u use a lot of pressure, like press his back or something. but that could also make it worse so it’s up to u if u want 2 try.**

 **8:43AM** **  
****TROY: definitely don’t like shake him or yell at him but i think u know that already. oh and if the lights are on turn them off.**

 **8:44AM** **  
****JEFF: Thanks, Troy.**

 **8:44AM** **  
****TROY: are u okay? i can come to where u are if u want. but i don’t know where that is so u would have 2 tell me.**

Jeff has always had respect for Troy, and he’s always known that Troy and Abed sort of look out for each other. Since he’s been dating Abed, though, the actual depth of their friendship has become clear to him, the way they complement each other. 

Abed tells Jeff about the ways in which he explains things to Troy when he doesn’t understand, only he never tells it in a way that makes Troy look anything less than intelligent. And he tells Jeff about the ways in which Troy helps him understand and interact with the world, and it’s like they have this symbiotic friendship, and it’s so perfect Jeff can’t even manage to feel jealous anymore, because this is clearly just the way things were meant to be, and he’s really glad they have each other, and also really glad he has Abed.

He texts Troy back:

**Abandoned study room at the end of the hall. The gross one with the asbestos sign on the door. It’s unlocked. Please don’t tell anyone about this room, it’s a secret.**

He pretends to play a game on his phone, and he doesn’t even know who he’s pretending for, while he watches Abed and waits for Troy. He tries to remind himself that this will be okay, that everything will be okay, but it’s hard. Abed is the person who grounds him, and with Abed off...somewhere, Jeff feels like he’s floating a little unsteadily.

Troy shows up a minute or two later, and Jeff is relieved to have him there.

“Dude, you guys have a secret hideout?” Troy exclaims. 

“It’s, uh…” Jeff begins.

“Oh, my god, you guys have sex in here don’t you?” Troy says, a look of horror blooming on his face.

“No!” Jeff snaps. “We do not _have sex_ in here.”

“Oh. Okay, good,” Troy says, relaxing. “I just thought, you know, secret room, plus you have a history of having sex on study room tables…”

“I get it, thank you,” Jeff grumbles. “Can we forget about it now?”

“Sure,” Troy says. “So, you guys doing okay?”

Jeff motions helplessly towards Abed.

“How long?” Troy asks, watching him.

“When I got here almost a half an hour ago he had the headphones and the pencil but he was sitting up. When I sat next to him he put his head down and hasn’t moved since.”

Troy nods and walks over to Abed. He puts his hand on Abed’s back and rubs it a few times, pressing hard, and then removes his hand. Then he waits. 

Abed lifts his head slightly from the table, out of the cocoon of his arms. He doesn’t look at Troy or Jeff, doesn’t even open his eyes, just shakes his head and then lays it back down.

“We just have to wait till he’s ready,” Troy says, and shrugs.

“Do you know what might have caused it?” Jeff asks. “Was he okay this morning? Did you drive together?”

“Yeah, he was fine at home and on the way here,” Troy says. “But this just happens sometimes for no reason. Or some reason that seems like nothing to you or me, except for him it’s a Huge Thing. Like when they changed the clocks for daylight savings, or when Cougar Town got moved to mid-season.”

“Right,” says Jeff.

“It’s good that he’s not screaming,” Troy says. “He always feels really, really bad about that later.”

“Small miracles,” Jeff says, nodding.

“It’ll be okay,” Troy says, patting him on the back, like he’s the one who needs to be comforted, and maybe he does.

“I know,” says Jeff. “I just…”

“Feel helpless, I know,” says Troy. “He’ll be glad you’re here when he comes out of it, though. For sure.”

“Yeah,” Jeff says, and he wishes he felt as confident as Troy. He’s conflicted because he’s worried about Abed and that makes him sad, but he doesn’t want Abed to _know that_ when he finally does come back to himself. He wants to be Strong and Understanding.

“Want me to hang out with you until he does?” Troy asks. “I’m guessing you’re not gonna leave him.”

“What about study group? And class?” Jeff asks.

“Annie’s in both of those,” Troy says. “So it’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Jeff says. “Yeah, if you wouldn’t mind. That would be great.”

They spend some time chatting and playing phone games and making fun of Pierce, and then finally, _finally,_ Abed moves.

Jeff whirls around at the sound, and Abed is very slowly sitting up, eyes still closed. He carefully removes his headphones and opens his eyes, then notices Jeff and Troy and freezes.

“Hey,” Jeff says softly.

“What, um. Are you doing here?” Abed asks, his voice thin and scratchy.

“Me?” Jeff asks. “Or Troy?”

“Both of you.”

“Hanging out,” Troy says. “Waiting for you to feel better.”

“You didn’t have to wait for me,” Abed says, his voice full of sorrow. “You should have gone to class.”

“No,” says Jeff. “This is where we wanted to be.”

“And Annie will make sure we get our work and everything,” Troy adds. “You know how she is.”

Abed nods warily. “What time is it?”

“Almost ten,” Troy says. 

“I think I need to go home,” Abed says shakily. “I can’t--it’s too much.” He picks up the pencil he dropped on the table and starts clicking it frantically.

Jeff reaches into his bag and pulls out one of Abed’s canisters of putty and silently hands it to him. Abed inhales sharply as he takes it from him.

“Thanks,” he whispers.

“Come on,” Jeff says. “Do you want to go to your place or mine?”

“Mine,” Abed says, and pulls his hood up. 

“Do you need these, buddy?” Troy asks, and hands him a pair of sunglasses.

“These…are mine,” Abed says, looking confused.

“I keep them around in case you need them,” Troy says. “Because, no offense, you always lose them. And they’re not easy to replace.” He turns to Jeff. “They have to be a certain material and color and texture…”

“Got it,” says Jeff, and he’s not surprised.

“Um,” says Abed, putting the sunglasses on. “Thank you. Both.”

“No problem, buddy,” Troy says. “Do you need me to come home or are you guys okay on your own?”

“We’ll be okay,” Abed whispers. “Right?” he adds, looking at Jeff.

“Of course we will,” Jeff says. “Ready to go?”

Abed nods, and they head to Jeff’s car.


	19. The One Where Abed Feels Like a Burden

Abed doesn’t say anything to Jeff on the drive to his apartment, because the smells of gasoline and air freshener are making him nauseous. When they get there, he goes straight to bed. He feels terrible, like he’s alienating Jeff, or pushing him away, only it’s not that at all. It’s just that he’s too full, his brain is too full, he’s feeling and hearing and seeing and smelling everything too much and all at once and it’s unbearable.

He tucks his head under the covers so he’s completely hidden and he brings his headphones with him because it gives him one source of sound to focus on, so he can try to block out the rest. He doesn’t know how long he stays under there, but eventually he starts to relax and everything seems to slow down a little. When he gets to the point where he feels like he can peek his head out, he’s shocked to find Jeff sitting on the floor of his bedroom, playing with his phone.

“Hey,” Jeff says, looking up.

“Why are you still here?” Abed asks, and even he knows that sounds rude, but he can’t help it, he just said the first thing that came to mind. He doesn’t understand why Jeff is here, why Jeff is _waiting._

“I told you before,” Jeff says. “I want to be with you. And I wanted to make sure you were okay. I wasn’t going to leave you here alone.”

“You could, you know,” says Abed, sitting up. “Then you wouldn’t have to miss class. And study group.”

“I’d rather be with you anytime,” Jeff says. “I promise. I’m not saying this to make you feel better, okay? I love you.”

“Okay,” Abed says quietly, not sure if he’s convinced.

“Can I come sit with you?” Jeff asks. “Or do you want me to stay over here?”

“You can come here,” Abed says. “Just don’t touch me yet, okay?”

“Okay,” Jeff says, and sits on the edge of the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know,” Abed says. “Not all the way better. But it’s bearable now, so that’s something, I guess.”

“Do you need anything?”

“Could you close the curtains? It’s just...really bright in here.” 

“Of course,” Jeff says, and quickly closes them. “Anything else?”

“I don’t think so,” Abed says.

“Did, uh, something happen this morning?” Jeff asks. “To make you...feel bad?”

“No. Kind of. It’s hard to explain.”

“Okay…” 

“It was already not great when I woke up,” Abed explains. “Everything felt a little bit too much. Troy calls it spidey-senses. Annie’s coffee smelled too strong and it was too bright outside. But I thought it would be okay. And then we got to school and I was walking into the building and a fire truck drove by, and the siren was _so loud._ And that kind of set it off, and then everything was too loud and too bright and I could smell everything in the building and I thought I was going to be sick, so I went to our study room to get away from it. And that made the smell part better, but it was still too much of everything, so I put my headphones on to drown it out, and it just kept getting worse and worse. And then you showed up, and I knew I couldn’t handle talking to you, and I felt really bad about it, so I put my head down and stayed that way until I felt like I could move again. And then you and Troy were there. Why was Troy there?”

Abed falls back on the bed when he finishes speaking, exhausted. 

“I texted him,” Jeff says. “To tell him we wouldn’t be in study group, and to see if he knew how I could help you.”

“He’s pretty good at knowing what I need,” Abed admits. “He’s had a lot of practice with it.”

“I appreciated him coming,” Jeff says. “I made him promise not to tell anyone about our study room. And I had to convince him we didn’t have sex on the table.”

“Because of you and Britta,” Abed says, nodding.

“Why does everybody -- whatever,” Jeff says. “Anyway, is there anything I could have done better? To make things easier for you?”

“I don’t think so,” Abed says. “You kind of just have to wait for it to pass. Well, _I_ have to wait for it to pass. _You_ don’t _have_ to do anything, and I hope you know that.”

“I know, Abed, but I love you and I want to be there for you. I _like_ being there for you. And you’re going to have to get used to that.”

“I’ll try,” Abed says, and closes his eyes. “It took me a long time to get used to Troy being there, too, you know. I got mad at him the first few times.”

“Mad? Why?”

“Because I didn’t want him to see me like that. I don’t like anyone seeing me like that. It makes it harder to pretend it never happened, and I feel like a burden.”

“You’re not a burden,” Jeff assures him. “And remember that night you found me drunk on the floor in my living room after a nightmare? And then I broke a full mug of scotch? That wasn’t my finest moment.”

“First of all, _we_ broke that mug. It was a team effort,” Abed says. “Second of all, I guess that’s fair. We’ve both seen each other at bad times. And we still love each other.” He’s starting to come back into his body, his speech is coming more normally, and it’s a relief.

“We still love each other,” Jeff echoes.

“I think you can touch me now,” Abed says. “But use a lot of pressure, please.”

“Like this?” Jeff asks, and puts his arm firmly around Abed’s waist.

“That’s good,” Abed says, and leans into it. “That’s really nice, actually. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” says Jeff.

“What time is it?” Abed asks suddenly.

“A little after one,” Jeff says, looking at his watch. “You were under the covers for a while.”

“Yeah,” says Abed, suddenly disoriented. He doesn’t like the feeling of losing time.

"You're okay," says Jeff, clearly picking up on Abed's anxiety. He squeezes him a little tighter, and Abed likes that.

"Thanks, Jeff." 

"Is there anything you want to do right now? Watch a movie, eat something, drink water?" 

"Can we just…stay like this? For awhile?" Abed asks. "You make me feel safe." 

"Of course we can," says Jeff. "For as long as you want." 

They lay there in silence, and Abed thinks about the morning, and how exhausting it was, how exhausting it always is. How he wishes his brain would just do what it's supposed to, instead of glitching all over the place. And then he thinks about Jeff and Troy, and how they skipped class and study group just to be with him, how Troy had his sunglasses and Jeff drove him home, and he thinks maybe he doesn't have it so bad after all. 

This is a new kind of trust for Abed. He’s never been in a relationship like the one he has with Jeff, where he trusts a person with every part of him, the good parts and the flawed parts, joy and frustration, sex and meltdowns, movies and illness. And yet Jeff is the one who turned it all around for him in the very first place, who he met on the first day of school, who showed him that maybe things could be different. Jeff, who shows his own flaws even when he doesn’t want to, who lets Abed in, who draws strength from their entire group even if he’d never admit it out loud. Jeff, who makes Abed feel safe and loved.

He turns to look at Jeff, to tell him these things, only to find him fast asleep, leaning against the wall, his arm still around Abed. He kicks away his first thought, the part of his brain saying, _look what you did, you wore him out,_ and instead tries to make him comfortable, shifting his body so he’s laying at a better angle, and pulling the comforter up over him as best he can. Jeff has been sitting with an unresponsive Abed for half the day; he figures the least he can do is let Jeff sleep a little. 

When Troy gets home from school he peeks into Abed’s room and Abed waves to him from the bed, Jeff still asleep and now slouched over in his lap. Abed is rubbing his back.

“Hey,” whispers Troy. “How’s it going?”

“Better,” Abed replies. “Thanks for helping Jeff this morning. And me.”

“No problem, buddy,” Troy says. “I hope you know how important you are to him.”

“I think I do,” Abed says. “Or at least, I’m trying to.”

“He texted me in study group just to see if I knew what to do. Because he was worried about you.”

“I hate that he worries about me,” Abed says.

“Don’t tell me you don’t worry about _him,_ ” Troy says. “I know you do. I’ve seen you.”

“Yeah,” Abed sighs. “It’s just different.”

“Just keep being there for each other, and then you’re even, and neither one of you has to feel guilty or anything,” says Troy. “There, I solved it for you. You’re welcome.”

Abed grins and reaches out to do a one-armed version of their handshake, since his other arm is around Jeff. Troy happily obliges.

“Thank you, Troy,” Abed says sincerely.

“Anytime,” Troy says. “You guys gonna have dinner with me and Annie later?”

“Probably,” says Abed. “But I’ll double check with Jeff when he wakes up.”

Troy gives a thumbs up and leaves the room, and Abed smiles and runs his fingers through Jeff’s hair, feeling content.


	20. The One Where They Don't Go on a Date

A few nights later Jeff picks Abed up to take him on a dinner date. Abed gets in the car and without a word immediately leans over and kisses Jeff so deeply it makes his head spin a little. Then he sits back and gazes at Jeff, his eyes dark and unnerving.

“Uh, hi,” Jeff says. “What’s up?”

“Not much,” says Abed calmly. “Where are we going for dinner?”

“Abed, you can’t kiss me like that and then just switch to casual conversation.”

“Sorry,” Abed says, and it’s dark but Jeff thinks maybe he’s blushing. “I don’t know, I’ve just been thinking about you all day and then I saw you and I couldn’t help it.”

“Thinking of me how?” Jeff asks, grinning.

Abed opens his mouth to speak, and then closes it again, and then bites his lip and looks at Jeff.

“Gotcha,” says Jeff.

“Where are we going for dinner?” Abed asks again.

“I had some ideas,” Jeff says. “But the longer you keep looking at me like that, the more I want to just go back to my apartment.”

“Okay,” Abed breathes, looking delighted and a little scandalized at the same time. “I mean, yes. Please. Let’s do that.”

Jeff laughs, not used to seeing Abed so flustered, and starts driving, and Abed reaches for his hand. He begins to trace patterns with his fingers over the back of Jeff’s hand and across his palm, and then presses a kiss to the inside of his wrist.

“What has gotten into you?” Jeff asks fondly.

“I honestly _don’t know,”_ Abed says, sounding baffled. “I’m not usually like this. You know I’m not usually like this. I just...want to be touching you?”

“That can be arranged, don’t worry.”

They get to Jeff’s and when they get inside Abed pulls him straight to the couch and sits down on his lap, straddling him. He takes Jeff’s face in his hands and begins to kiss him, softly at first, but building in intensity as his hands migrate from his cheeks to his neck to his back, and Jeff wraps his arms around Abed’s waist, pulling him closer.

“I like this,” Jeff murmurs, taking an opportunity to catch his breath. 

“Mmm,” Abed replies incoherently, kissing his neck.

“I guess it’s kind of been awhile since we’ve had sex,” Jeff muses. “A lot’s been going on.”

“Mmm,” Abed repeats, shifting his hips. 

“So that probably explains why you’re feeling this way,” Jeff adds.

“If I didn’t...love the sound of your voice so much…” Abed hisses, “I would tell you...to shut up.”

“But you do,” Jeff says, and he’s loving this.

“Mhmmm,” Abed hums. 

“So I’m going to keep talking.”

“Sure,” Abed says, and then covers Jeff’s mouth again with his own and runs a hand through his hair. He rocks forward into Jeff’s lap.

“I love you,” Jeff says, trying to maintain his composure, and Abed grabs him and pulls him even closer.

“Love you too,” Abed says, and nips at his neck.

“Do you, um, want to move to the bedroom?” Jeff asks. “Because now probably would be a good time for that.”

“Yeah,” Abed says, and before he can say anything else Jeff scoops him up and stands, and Abed thankfully has enough presence of mind to lock his legs around Jeff’s waist so Jeff can carry him straight to the bed, stopping every few steps when Abed kisses him.

Jeff drops Abed onto the bed and then lays down next to him.

“What do you want to do?” Jeff asks softly.

“I don’t care,” Abed says, “but I want to make it last. And I want you to keep talking to me.”

“I can do that,” says Jeff. “Can I take your clothes off?”

“Yeah,” says Abed, his eyes wide.

Jeff carefully slips off Abed’s hoodie and tosses it out of the way. Then he leans down and takes the hem of his t-shirt between his teeth and drags it up, enjoying the sight of Abed’s exposed skin and the way he shudders when Jeff breathes on him. He uses his hands to pull the shirt over Abed’s head and then just looks at him for a moment, savoring how _beautiful_ he is, and then he remembers that Abed wants him to keep talking, so he decides to tell him.

“You’re so beautiful,” he says. “So beautiful, Abed.”

Then Abed’s hands are all over Jeff, his long fingers clumsily unbuttoning his shirt and then shoving it the rest of the way off. He puts his arms around Jeff and hugs him, Abed’s bare skin cool against Jeff’s, and they stay that way for a minute before Jeff puts a hand behind Abed and lowers him gently to the bed, hovering over him, his knees on either side of Abed’s narrow hips. He leans down to kiss Abed, and it’s passionate and messy, and then continues to kiss and lick down his throat, his collar bones, his chest and stomach. He sits up and moves to the side so he can unbutton Abed’s pants and then slowly tugs them off along with his underwear, dropping them on the floor, and he can hear Abed’s breath begin to stutter.

“Is this good?” he asks, and Abed nods.

“Keep talking,” he breathes.

“I love you,” Jeff says. “I love this.”

He sits back up and looks at Abed, who immediately gets up on his knees and lunges toward Jeff, struggling for a second with his belt buckle but ultimately finding success, and then quickly pulling his jeans and boxer briefs off. Then Abed finds his way back to Jeff’s lap and leans into him until Jeff topples backwards, Abed splayed out on top of him, and Jeff can’t help but giggle, and Abed joins in a second later.

Abed snuggles into Jeff’s shoulder as they both catch their breath, and then Jeff pinches Abed’s side which sets them both off again, and soon they’re both laughing so hard they’re crying.

“I guess that’s one way to make it last,” Abed says, wiping his eyes.

“Yeah,” Jeff says, and kisses him on the head. “But we can get back to business, if you want.”

Abed doesn’t say anything, just repositions himself on top of Jeff and then moves his hips experimentally. Jeff gasps, and Abed looks satisfied. He leans in and kisses Jeff’s jawbone, then blows softly in Jeff’s ear, and suddenly Jeff’s whole body is on fire, and his hips buck up into Abed’s. 

“Good?” Abed asks quietly, his mouth still next to Jeff’s ear, and he shivers.

“Do that again,” Jeff begs, and Abed does, and this time Abed pushes back when Jeff moves against him, increasing the friction, and it’s good, it’s so good.

“Abed,” he says, because he knows he’s supposed to talk, but can’t form a coherent thought.

“Mmm,” says Abed, and that’s when Jeff loses track of what’s happening, because it’s all a drawn-out blur of hard and slick and warm and _oh_ , of moving and tumbling and pressing and _yes_ , of trust and need and desire and _please_.

Abed cries out Jeff’s name when he comes, and it’s the first time he’s done that, and Jeff kisses him all over as he shudders. Jeff feels like a raw nerve, like the slightest touch will send him over the edge.

And it _is_ the slightest touch, it’s the whisper of Abed’s soft fingers in exactly the right place and then Jeff is moaning as he climaxes, and Abed curls around him, holds him close.

Jeff isn’t sure if he actually falls asleep, but some time definitely passes and the light outside the window seems dimmer when he finally comes back to himself. He stretches against Abed and tilts his head to look at him.

“Hi,” Jeff says.

“Hi,” Abed replies. “Thank you.” He puts his arms around Jeff.

“You’re welcome,” Jeff says. “But if you think that was just for you, you’re mistaken.”

“Fair enough,” Abed says. “In any case, I enjoyed that very much.”

“Good. Me, too.”

“Hey, wasn’t this supposed to be a dinner date?”

“Oh yeah,” says Jeff. “Do you, uh, still want to go somewhere?”

“Not particularly,” Abed says. “Can we eat here?”

“Yeah. I’m sure we can find something.”

“I don’t know what time it is, but can I spend the night? I don’t want to stop cuddling with you.”

“Definitely,” Jeff says, because he doesn’t particularly want to stop cuddling, either.

“And can I borrow some pajamas?”

“Yes, Abed, you can borrow pajamas.”

"Cool," says Abed. "Cool cool cool."


	21. The One With the Dinner Party, Part One

Annie decides she wants to have a dinner party with the entire study group, and Troy agrees as long as he doesn’t have to try to cook anything, and Abed is in but puts a ban on any and all dice games. Jeff comes over early to help clean, and everyone gets dressed up, and Jeff helps tie Abed’s tie for him while Abed’s brain short-circuits at the sight of Jeff in dress clothes.

“Do you not know how to tie a tie?” Jeff asks, his hands fiddling with the fabric next to Abed’s throat and giving him shivers.

“I know how in theory,” Abed says. “I just can’t make my fingers do what they’re supposed to when I actually try to _do_ it. It’s the same as with shoelaces.”

“Wait, what about shoelaces?” Jeff asks, letting go of the tie, and Abed turns his head to stare at him.

“Did you not know that I can’t tie shoelaces?” Abed asks, baffled.

“No, I definitely did not know that,” Jeff says. “So...how do your shoes get tied then?”

“Troy and Annie, pretty much,” Abed explains. “But once they’re tied I just slip them on and off until they come undone, it’s not like they do it every morning.”

“And why don’t you just wear shoes without laces?”

“Because I don’t like the way elastic feels around my feet, and velcro makes my skin crawl,” Abed says patiently. 

“Oh,” says Jeff, “I guess that makes sense.”

“It really doesn’t,” Abed says. “But there’s nothing I can do about it. It was worse when I was alone in the dorms.”

“What did you do then?”

“At first I tried putting superglue on the knot so it wouldn’t come undone,” Abed says. “Which kind of worked, but it also kind of ruined the laces. By the time I needed help again, though, I had met Pavel, so he did it for me.”

“Got it,” Jeff says, and quickly finishes with the tie. “Well, let me know if you ever need my help tying...anything.”

“I will,” Abed says. “Thank you for offering. And for this,” he adds, tugging experimentally on the tie.

“Anytime,” Jeff says, reaching up to cup his chin and kiss him on the mouth, and Abed takes the opportunity to pull him into a hug.

Annie makes lasagna for dinner, and it’s ready just as everyone arrives, so they eat dinner first. Abed observes their guests and can’t help comparing things to the last dinner party they had. Pierce keeps trying to work anecdotes about his sexual escapades into the conversation again, and Abed doesn’t know what it is about their apartment that makes him fixate like that. Shirley keeps warning everyone to save room for the brownies she brought for dessert, even though no one asked her to bring anything, but they also didn’t agree not to eat her baked goods. Britta seems to have laid off the marijuana, which is a nice change.

It’s a really good time, and everyone keeps agreeing that they should do it more often, maybe make it a regular thing. It makes Troy and Annie and Abed feel grown up, which they like, and Shirley gets to check on them and make sure they aren’t living like animals, and Britta’s just fun to hang out with, and Pierce is invited because if they didn’t invite him he’d find out somehow and do something to ruin it.

Abed never had a big family, and he definitely never had a group of friends before, so the closest reference he has for this kind of gathering is the one summer he and his dad went to Gaza, and he met a whole bunch of family he’d never met before and hasn’t seen since. He thinks that this is a lot more enjoyable than that, because he not only knows these people, he loves them. 

And not only _that,_ he has Jeff now, and he loves Jeff differently than the others, and it’s great and weird and perfect. He doesn’t understand what he did to deserve a relationship like this. He never thought it was possible, never thought that this was in the cards for him, and yet here he is. Jeff who knows his quirks and issues and loves him anyway, Jeff who has his own quirks and issues, and it makes Abed feel less alone. Jeff who ties his ties and offers to tie his shoelaces and doesn’t mind that he can’t read an analog clock.

After dinner everyone stands around and tries to decide what to do next, and Abed is about to suggest putting in a movie when Jeff grabs him and pulls him into his bedroom, closing the door behind them.

“Hi,” says Abed, confused. “What’s up?”

Jeff answers by kissing him, hard and sloppy, and he doesn’t stop until both of them are gasping for air and somehow Abed is pinned against the wall, even though he doesn’t remember moving at all. Jeff’s fingers are tangled in his hair and his skin is hot against Abed’s.

“You look...really good,” Jeff says, and leans in again, pressing a kiss right where Abed’s jaw and throat meet.

“So do you,” Abed admits, relaxing against the wall and hitching a leg around Jeff, bringing him closer, his hands splayed out against his back, and that’s the exact moment when the door bursts open and Pierce is standing there, finger pointed at them, the rest of the group gathered behind him looking miserable.

“I _told_ you they were having gay sex,” Pierce says triumphantly.

“No one was arguing with you, Pierce!” Britta shouts. “We just didn’t want to disturb them. I’m so sorry, you guys,” she adds, turning to Jeff and Abed but avoiding eye contact.

Abed is trying to process what’s happening, standing frozen behind Jeff, who has turned around to face everyone.

“Okay, first of all,” Jeff says, “we weren’t having sex. You guys _always_ think we’re having sex. And you’re always wrong. Just give it a rest.”

“Well--” Pierce begins, and Annie cuts him off.

“Pierce!” she yells, and actually stomps her foot, and Abed stifles a grin. “Just stop!”

“Second of all,” Jeff growls, “I think I’m allowed to kiss my boyfriend in his own home, so forgive me for being a little irritated with the present situation.”

“You have every right to be upset, Jeffrey,” Shirley says. “Honestly, we were trying to stop him from opening the door, that’s all.”

“I believe you,” Abed says, stepping out from behind Jeff. “And also, thank you. And also, can you all please leave now, because we were kind of in the middle of something.”

Pierce huffs and stomps out, and everyone else follows, muttering apologies. Abed can swear he hears Troy snickering, but he doesn’t mind. Annie is the last one out, and she pulls the door shut behind her, and then Abed walks over and presses the lock.

“So, that was something,” Jeff says, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes,” says Abed. 

“Are you upset?”

“No,” Abed says. “Irritated at Pierce, but that’s nothing new. Are you upset?”

“A little,” Jeff admits. “I just wish they didn’t have to make themselves a part of everything, you know?”

“Yeah,” Abed says. “Although I believe them, that they were just trying to stop Pierce from coming in. They’ve been surprisingly supportive of our relationship, don’t you think?”

“You’re right. They have. I’m not giving them enough credit.”

“How about if we stop talking about them now?” Abed suggests, and takes Jeff by the hand.

“Deal,” Jeff says, and lets Abed drag him over to the bed.

“Here’s the thing,” Abed says, pulling him down so they’re both sitting. _“No one_ is going to bother us now. We can kind of do whatever we want.” He raises his eyebrows.

“Abed, the walls in this apartment are paper thin,” Jeff says. “And everyone is right outside in the living room. I can hear them. Right now.”

“We’ll just have to be quiet, then,” Abed says. “And also, I guarantee someone is going to turn on some music any second, because _they_ know that _we_ know that they’re not going to interrupt us again.”

“What?”

Abed doesn’t have to answer, because that’s when the stereo comes on and he pins Jeff down on the bed.

“Told you,” he breathes in Jeff’s ear. “But you still have to be quiet. Can you do that?”

The noise Jeff makes indicates that he is not at all sure if he can do that, so Abed gently lays his hand over Jeff’s mouth.

“Shh,” he whispers. “Okay?”

Jeff nods, wide-eyed.

“If you make a sound,” Abed says quietly, “I’ll stop, and we’ll be done, and we’ll have to go back out to the party. Okay?”

Jeff nods again. 

“Good,” Abed says. “Let’s get started.”


	22. The One With the Dinner Party, Part Two

Jeff doesn’t nod this time, he just waits to see what Abed will do next. This is another side of Abed he’s never seen -- Jeff had no idea, when they started dating, that he was so full of surprises. And yet here he is, a look of determination in his eyes, his hand still over Jeff’s mouth. Jeff is impressed by the level of control Abed is displaying; his hand doesn’t move, but he’s obviously making a conscious effort not to press down, not to take Jeff’s agency away. Like he’s giving a firm suggestion instead of a command.

Abed kisses Jeff on the forehead, and then the temple, and then he takes his hand away from Jeff’s mouth, his other hand bracing himself on the bed. He traces a finger down Jeff’s chest, slowly, lazily, and Jeff shivers. He continues to brush against different parts of Jeff’s body, and he’s fully clothed but it’s pretty erotic anyway.

Abed moves his hand slowly further down, dancing it across the front of Jeff’s jeans, and at that moment there’s a burst of laughter from the living room, loud enough to be heard over the music, like maybe someone told a joke. Jeff and Abed both freeze, and Abed doesn’t move again until they’ve quieted down.

“Is this still okay?” he whispers, leaning close to Jeff’s ear, and Jeff nods emphatically, trying to convey the message _don’t stop_ with his eyes. “We should hurry,” Abed whispers, and then he unbuttons Jeff’s pants and shoves a hand inside.

At the same time, as if he planned this, and he probably did, he leans down and puts his lips over Jeff’s, kissing him and muffling the involuntary whimper that escapes Jeff’s mouth.

There’s another burst of laughter outside the door and this time Abed doesn’t stop, and for someone who can’t tie shoelaces, Jeff is impressed by his dexterity in this particular activity. Abed tries to keep kissing him to keep him quiet, but he’s not that great at multitasking, and finally Jeff puts his own hand over his mouth to stay silent, noticing the way Abed bites his lip when he does.

Maybe it’s the fear of getting caught, of being too loud, or maybe it’s the way Abed is taking charge, but Jeff doesn’t last long at all, which is probably for the best, all things considered. He bites his hand as he comes and then Abed is kissing him again, and it’s wet and sweet and a little bit desperate. His head is all fuzzy and he lets it overtake him for a moment, and then he’s back in reality just as Abed pulls away and hands him a box of tissues, and they both take a minute to clean up as best they can.

“This is a little gross,” Jeff sighs, and kisses Abed.

“And you’re about to go back out there like nothing happened,” Abed murmurs. “But you won’t be able to forget.”

“Jesus, Abed,” Jeff sputters.

“What?”

“You’ve gotta give me time to recover before you say stuff like that,” he says, and zips up his jeans.

“I need to go wash my hands,” Abed says. “I’ll see you out there.” He turns and walks out the door, leaving Jeff gaping after him.

Jeff waits a minute and then heads back out into the living room, where everyone is sitting around discussing which of the dean’s costumes are their favorites. Jeff sits on the floor next to Britta.

“Hey,” she says, grinning at him.

“Hey,” he replies. “So, best dean outfits, huh?”

“Uh-huh,” she says, and raises an eyebrow at him. “What, uh, have you been up to?”

“Nothing,” Jeff says.

“You know your fly is down, right?”

“What?!” Jeff hisses, and looks at his lap.

“I’m fucking with you,” Britta says, laughing. “But now I know for sure what you were doing.”

Then Abed comes out of the bathroom and wedges himself between Jeff and Britta on the floor. He takes Jeff’s hand, and his is cold and soft, and Jeff wants to warm it up so he puts his other hand on top and rubs it a little.

“It’s not gonna get warm,” Abed warns him. “It never does.”

“That’s okay,” Jeff says.

“You guys are really cute,” Britta says. “I don’t know if I’ve told you that before. But seeing you together makes me really happy. You’re good for each other.”

“Thanks, Britta,” Abed says, knocking his shoulder fondly into hers.

“Yeah, thanks,” Jeff echoes. 

“I wouldn’t have expected it,” she continues. “You’re so different.”

“We’re not really that different,” Jeff says. “I mean, in some ways, obviously. But not every way.”

“We’re both kind of fucked up,” Abed adds helpfully.

“Abed!” exclaims Britta.

“What?” Abed says. “It’s true, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Jeff says, and drapes his arm around Abed’s shoulders. “We are definitely both kind of fucked up.”

“Right,” says Britta. “Whatever. Anyway, good for you guys.”

“Thanks,” Jeff and Abed say together.

The conversation about the dean’s outfits lasts a surprisingly long time, and eventually it peters out and everyone realizes that Pierce is asleep, and they play “nose goes” to see who has to wake him up, and it’s Annie. She pokes him and he snorts and shoots up in his chair and everyone decides that’s a good enough time as any to call it a night, and Shirley, Britta and Pierce head home.

Once they’re all gone, everyone helps clean up, and between the four of them they get it done remarkably quickly. Everyone makes their way to their own rooms, and Jeff and Abed lay down on Abed’s bed, trying to decide if they’re ready to go to sleep or not.

“That was fun,” Abed says. “And a lot less stressful than the last dinner party, at least in terms of potential timeline dynamics.”

“Less stressful for you, because you didn’t have to try to be quiet while your boyfriend gave you a handjob ten feet away from everyone,” Jeff says snarkily, and pokes Abed in the side.

“There was a _wall_ in between,” Abed says. “But you’re right. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll never do it again.” 

Jeff rolls over and gently butts his head against Abed’s chest.

“That’s not what I meant,” he says. “And I think you know that.”

“I do, yes,” says Abed, kissing Jeff’s head. “I’m gonna go change into my pajamas,” he adds.

“Shit, I forgot to bring mine,” Jeff says. He sleeps in his underwear when he’s alone, but Abed is so cold all the time he’s gotten into the habit of putting on sweats before bed when they spend the night together.

“I have that pair of your sweatpants that I wore home last week,” Abed says. “In the top drawer.”

“Perfect,” says Jeff. “You don’t happen to have a t-shirt that would fit me, do you?”

Abed starts to shake his head, then stops.

“Abed?”

Abed bites his lip and stares at Jeff, like he’s trying to make a decision. Finally he turns around and grabs his pillow and pulls something out of the pillowcase and hands it to Jeff. He recognizes it immediately.

“This is my Greendale t-shirt,” he says. “Why was this in your pillowcase?”

“Um, because I wore it home the first time we spent the night together, when I couldn’t find my shirt, and it smelled like you, so I kept it and put it under my pillow, and then I moved rooms and I didn’t want you to find it so I put it in the pillowcase, and I know that’s really weird and I’m sorry but also I don’t have another t-shirt that will fit you,” Abed says in a rush, without stopping for breath.

“Oh,” Jeff says.

“Yeah,” Abed says. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Hey. Do you think I’m mad?”

“I don’t really know what to think? I don’t usually do the crazy ex-lover trope, especially not while still actively in a relationship, but here we are.” He’s tapping his finger tips together in what Jeff would consider an increasingly frantic way.

“You’re not a crazy ex-lover, Abed. You’re not even being crazy. It’s cute.”

“Really?” Abed says. “Because it feels really weird.”

“Here’s the thing. I smell _amazing._ So I can’t really blame you for wanting to keep an article of clothing that smells like me.”

That gets a smile out of Abed, and he gets up and goes to the dresser. He grabs his pajamas and tosses Jeff’s sweatpants to him, and they both quickly get changed and brush their teeth and get in bed. They snuggle up close, Jeff’s chest pressed to Abed’s back.

“Jeff,” says Abed sleepily, and then stops.

“Don’t feel bad about the shirt, Abed,” Jeff says. “It’s not weird, I promise.”

“No, that’s not what I was gonna say,” Abed says, and yawns. “Next time I come over can I borrow another one of your shirts?”

Jeff laughs and squeezes Abed closer.

“Of course you can,” he says softly in Abed’s ear. “Now, let’s go to sleep, okay?”

“Mmm,” says Abed, already drifting off.

“I love you,” Jeff whispers.

“MmmloveyouJeff,” mumbles Abed, yawning again, and within minutes they’re both fast asleep.


	23. The One Where They Cook Together

Jeff and Abed usually go out or order in when they have dinner together, because they both have so many rules about food that it’s rare for them to eat the same thing. Also, neither of them knows a ton about cooking. But they decide one day that they ought to try something new, and Abed suggests cooking dinner together because it’s a good romance trope, and Jeff agrees that it might be fun. They decide to cook at Abed’s apartment, because Annie and Troy will be out.

The first step is to figure out what to cook, and this turns out to be the most difficult step. It doesn’t come as a surprise for either one of them, but it still feels like a daunting task. They start by scouring the internet for recipes, but that quickly becomes too complicated and overwhelming and instead decide to just start throwing out suggestions.

“Buttered noodles,” Abed says, knowing Jeff won’t agree to it, but they’ve got to start somewhere.

“Nothing pasta-based,” Jeff counters, and then they’re off, throwing out ideas ranging from shepherd’s pie (Jeff’s suggestion, vetoed by Abed for texture reasons) to Lucky Charms (because at a certain point Abed’s ready to give up).

“What about sweet potatoes?” Abed says, making his way down what Annie calls his “worryingly short” list of foods that are both tolerable and healthy. 

“Sweet potatoes?”

“If we baked them,” Abed adds.

“I like sweet potatoes,” Jeff says slowly. “Yeah, that’s perfect. With some kind of protein.”

“Or we could just do sweet potatoes.”

“Abed, there has to be protein. I don’t eat meals that don’t have protein.”

“Right, but protein is meat, and meat doesn’t go with sweet potatoes. The chewy with the soft…” His skin crawls just thinking about it.

“Eggs are protein,” Jeff suggests. “How about we put a fried egg on top?”

Abed thinks about it for a while, because it’s a combination he’s never tried, and that makes him nervous, but also he can’t find any glaring issues with it.

“Okay,” he says finally. “But if I hate it, can I have Lucky Charms?”

“Sure,” Jeff says, and reaches out and ruffles his hair. “I think you’ll like it, though.”

They go to the grocery store, because they don’t actually have any sweet potatoes or eggs, and Abed makes sure to pick up some candy for Troy, because he always picks up candy for Troy when he goes to the grocery store. Jeff offers to buy wine, but Abed doesn’t really like to drink very much and also doesn’t really like wine, and he persuades Jeff to get Diet Squirt instead.

“You know you’re a grown man,” Jeff says, putting it in the basket.

“A grown man who knows what he likes,” Abed says, raising an eyebrow.

The throw in some strawberries for dessert and call it good, heading to the checkout.

Back at the apartment, Abed hands Jeff one of Annie’s aprons. Shirley gives Annie an apron every year for Christmas and her birthday, so she’s got quite a collection. The one Abed gives Jeff is printed all over with pictures of chickens, and he puts one on that is pink and blue and ruffled. 

"Well, we definitely look amazing," Jeff observes. 

Abed responds by twirling and then striking a pose and shooting finger guns at Jeff, and he responds by pulling Abed in for a kiss, dipping him back slightly.

“Dinner first,” Abed says. “Then dancing.”

“Prep dinner first, then dancing,” Jeff amends. “These potatoes have to bake for like 45 minutes.”

Abed gets the sweet potatoes ready for the oven and Jeff goes to turn on some music in the living room. It’s almost a montage moment, definitely a movie moment, so Abed suggests that Jeff find some old-timey swing music. Jeff seems skeptical, but ends up choosing something absolutely perfect. He gets back to the kitchen just as Abed sets the timer.

“You should know that I don’t really know how to dance,” Abed says. “But it’s an important part of the bit, so I’ll do my best.”

“Fine by me,” says Jeff. “We’ll make it up as we go.”

Jeff settles one hand firmly on Abed’s narrow hip and takes Abed’s hand in the other. Abed stands awkwardly, not sure what to do with his body, and Jeff pulls him closer and starts to move back and forth. It’s weird until Abed realizes if he just relaxes, Jeff will move enough for both of them and he doesn’t really have to do much, and after that it’s kind of nice.

They dance like that for a while, and then Jeff pulls Abed even closer and wraps his arms around Abed’s waist, guiding Abed’s arms around his neck, and they stay like that, swaying.

“It’s like being at a school dance,” Jeff says. “Like prom.”

“I never went to a dance,” Abed confesses.

“Never?” Jeff asks, surprised.

“Nope. I never really wanted to, though.”

“This is much better, don’t worry,” Jeff says. “Much less crowded, and we won’t get in trouble for touching each other.”

“We’d better not,” says Abed, and kisses Jeff, and Jeff kisses back, and slow dancing in the middle of the living room turns into making out in the middle of the living room, and naturally that’s when the front door opens and Troy and Annie walk in.

“Aww!” cries Annie, dropping her purse on the counter. “Nice aprons, guys!”

“Get a room,” Troy adds, but when Abed pulls away from Jeff and looks up, he’s grinning.

“Sorry,” Abed says.

“We were just making dinner,” Jeff adds.

“Don’t be sorry, Abed. This is your home, too,” Annie says, and elbows Troy in the ribs. 

“I was _kidding,”_ Troy says, rolling his eyes.

“What are you guys making?” Annie asks, glancing at the oven.

“Sweet potatoes and eggs,” Jeff replies.

Troy makes a face, and Abed laughs.

“You try finding a meal we can both agree on,” he says, and Troy walks over and they do their handshake.

“Anyway,” says Annie. “We’re going to meet Britta’s new cat, but I needed to take some allergy medicine first, so we’ll be out of here in a minute.” She disappears into her bedroom.

“I got you candy,” Abed says to Troy, pointing to a bag on the kitchen counter.

“Sweet, thanks!” exclaims Troy, picking up the bag and taking it to the blanket fort.

“He has a secret stash,” Abed explains to Jeff. “It’s not really a secret, though, everyone knows it’s in his top dresser drawer.”

“Gotcha,” says Jeff with a smirk. “I’m going to check on dinner.”

He heads into the kitchen and Abed sits down on the couch and fiddles with the strings of his apron, which he’s had to wrap around his waist twice. He’s trying not to be nervous about dinner, because it’s just him and Jeff, and no matter what Jeff will love him, and they always enjoy each other’s company. But he always gets nervous trying new combinations of food, and it’s not something he can just ignore, so he finally gets up and follows Troy to the blanket fort to distract himself.

“Knock,” Abed says, because there’s no door.

“Come in,” Troy says, and Abed steps inside.

“Hi,” he says.

“You okay, buddy?” Troy asks, turning to look at Abed.

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure? Because it’s okay if you’re freaking out about eating different food.”

Abed doesn’t say anything, just nods and sits down on the bottom bunk, pulling his feet up and sitting cross legged. He stares at the floor.

“He loves you, Abed. He doesn’t care if you’re weird about some stuff.”

“I know,” Abed says softly. “I just don’t want to ruin our night. It was my idea in the first place.”

“Even if you hate the food, that doesn’t mean your night is ruined. Just make some Lucky Charms if you have to.”

“He already promised I could,” Abed says, smiling slightly.

“Of course he did,” Troy laughs. “I told you. He _loves_ you.”

“Abed, the potatoes are just about ready, so I’m going to start the eggs,” Jeff calls from the kitchen.

Abed stands up and sticks his head out of the opening to the blanket fort.

“Cool,” he says. “I’ll be right there.”

He ducks back into the fort and Troy holds out a hand and they do their handshake again.

“You’ve got this, buddy,” Troy says. “It’s gonna be fine. It’s just Jeff. Just you and Jeff.”

“Just me and Jeff,” Abed repeats. “Thanks, Troy.”

“Anytime,” Troy says, and grins. “Now, I bet Annie is ready to go meet those cats, and if we don’t leave soon Britta is going to call and ask where we are and it’ll be a whole thing.”

They exit the fort just as Annie steps out of her bedroom and all head to the front door.

“Bye, guys,” Jeff says. “Have fun with the cats.”

“See you later!” Annie calls. 

Troy nods at Abed one more time, and Abed nods back and walks into the kitchen.

“It’s almost done,” Jeff says. He’s got two eggs frying and the sweet potatoes are balanced on a trivet. “Do you want to plate the potatoes?”

“Sure,” says Abed. He puts Jeff’s potato on a plate and his own in a bowl, because he prefers to eat from bowls whenever possible, and then he cuts them open, and they smell excellent.

“Ready?” asks Jeff, and he comes from behind Abed and slides an egg on top of each potato.

“Cool,” says Abed. “Cool cool cool.”

They ditch the aprons and bring their dishes to the dining room table. Abed pours Diet Squirt into two wine glasses and hands one to Jeff, and they toast.

“To us,” says Jeff.

“To trying new things,” says Abed.

The meal is _delicious._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates to this might become a little sporadic. In the words of Vice Dean Laybourne, I'm going through some stuff right now.


	24. The One Where Britta Comes Over

It’s the middle of the night, and Abed is staying over at Jeff’s. They’re curled up together, legs tangled, fast asleep when Jeff’s phone vibrates on the nightstand, and it buzzes loudly enough to wake both of them.

Jeff throws his arm out and feels around for the phone, and the screen lights up with a text from Britta:

**r u up I’m so sorry I know its late**

“Say yes,” Abed whispers, reading over Jeff’s shoulder. “Britta never texts in the middle of the night unless it’s an emergency.”

Jeff nods and texts back.

 **2:27AM** **  
****JEFF: I’m up. Abed’s here. Are you okay?**

 **2:27AM** **  
****BRITTA: no**

 **2:28AM** **  
****JEFF: Do you want me to call you?**

 **2:29AM** **  
****BRITTA: i’m kinda outside ur building right now**

Abed raises an eyebrow at Jeff.

“Invite her in,” he says. “I’ll start making tea.”

“I’m sorry about this,” Jeff says.

“Don’t be,” Abed replies. “You have no control over this. And anyway, it’s our Britta and she needs us.”

Jeff smiles at that, because Abed’s right. He responds to Britta’s text:

**Come on up. Abed is making tea. Door’s unlocked.**

He hits send and then walks over to unlock the door, and as soon as he does it opens, and Britta is standing there in what Jeff is assuming are her pajamas, wrapped in a giant cardigan, her hair wild and messy. Her eyes are red.

She steps inside and closes the door and Jeff takes her hand and guides her to the couch. He sits down next to her and puts an arm around her shoulders. Abed comes with two cups of tea, which he sets on the coffee table before returning to the kitchen to grab the third. Then he settles in on the other side of Britta, so she’s sandwiched between him and Jeff, and she rests her head on Abed’s shoulder.

Neither Jeff nor Abed says anything. They both wait for Britta to talk when she’s ready. Eventually she reaches for her tea and blows on it, takes a sip. She sighs.

“Annie told me my parents Facebook messaged her,” she says dully. “Did they contact you guys, too?”

“Yes,” Jeff says, feeling guilty. “It was strange. I was going to mention it to you tomorrow.”

“That explains a lot,” Abed says. “I got a message from someone named George Perry, but I didn’t know who that was so I didn’t open it.”

“Fuck!” Britta exclaims, and starts messing with one of the buttons on her cardigan. “I don’t understand how they found you guys, or why they contacted you.”

“Annie didn’t tell you?” Jeff asks sharply.

“No,” Britta says. “She just called me and told me she’d gotten a message from my dad, and I got upset and hung up the phone, and then I cried for awhile and then I started walking.”

“Okay, well, you’re not going to like the next part,” Jeff says, grimacing. “They sort of...offered us money?”

 _“They offered you money?!”_ Britta hisses. “For me? To pay for me?”

“They, uh...said they thought it was probably pretty likely that you had borrowed money from us, and offered to pay it back.”

Britta is still pulling on her buttons, and Abed gets up and slips out of the room.

“Did you accept?” she asks Jeff, her voice suddenly flat.

“No, I didn’t accept,” Jeff says, squeezing her tighter around the shoulders. “I haven’t responded at all. I was going to talk to you about it. Your dad was really nice in the message, but I think all of us know how parents can be.”

“We do,” Abed says, walking back into the room. He gently takes Britta’s hand, pulling it away from the buttons, and drops a fidget cube in her palm. “You, me, Annie, Troy...none of us have the best relationships with our parents. We’re not going to choose yours over you, Britta. If you don’t want us to talk to them, we won’t.”

“Okay,” Britta says, fiddling with the cube, her breath shallow. “Okay. Thank you. Okay.”

“Breathe, Britta,” Jeff whispers. “Everything’s okay.”

“It’s not, though,” she says, and bursts into tears. Abed begins to rub circles on her back.

“What’s not okay?” he asks. 

“I just wanted to get away from them, and they keep finding me, and they act like they don’t know why I left, like they’re these great people and I’m their crazy daughter who just up and leaves for no reason.”

 _“We_ know that’s not who you are, Britta,” Jeff says. He kisses her on the top of her head. “We’re your family now. You know that, right?”

“Uh-huh,” she says, sniffling. Abed gets up and grabs a box of tissues from the bathroom and sets them in Britta’s lap. She blows her nose and then closes her eyes and burrows into Jeff’s chest.

“Do you want to stay here tonight?” Jeff asks. “I don’t have an extra room, but I can make up the couch for you.”

“I’d rather go home,” Britta says. “But I walked here, and I don’t--”

“You _walked_ here?” Abed exclaims. “You live miles away and it’s three o’clock in the morning. If you don’t want to stay, we’ll drive you home.”

He glances at Jeff, and Jeff nods.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t mind?” Britta asks softly. “Driving me home, I mean?”

“Not at all,” Jeff says. “Give me a minute to get dressed.”

Abed stays with Britta while Jeff throws on jeans and a shirt, and then they switch places, because Abed wants to come along for the ride. Jeff holds Britta while Abed changes. She looks so small and fragile, so different from her normal loud, boisterous presence. He’s not used to seeing her so vulnerable.

They get in the car, Britta in the passenger seat and Abed in the back, and head to Britta’s apartment. They don’t talk in the car. Britta stares out the window, and Abed and Jeff keep glancing at each other in the mirror. Abed blinks every time he catches Jeff’s eye, and it’s cute.

When they get to Britta’s, Jeff parks the car and both boys walk her to the door. Jeff gives her a hug, and she clings to his arms, gives him a desperate look.

 _“Promise_ you won’t take money from my parents,” she says fiercely. “Promise you won’t take their money and become friends with them and then take their side and turn against me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jeff says, and looks her in the eye. “We’ve got your back. Always.”

“Thank you,” she says, nodding and relaxing a little. “And sorry for, you know, showing up at your house in the middle of the night and then making you drive me home.”

“Anytime,” he promises. 

Then Abed gives her a hug, and they whisper a little bit, but Jeff doesn’t hear what they’re saying, except for Britta thanking him at the end, the same way she thanked Jeff. She walks into her apartment and Jeff and Abed head back to the car.

“So that was an interesting night,” Jeff says, pulling out of the parking lot and reaching for Abed’s hand.

“Poor Britta,” Abed says. “I don’t know what happened between her and her parents, but…”

“I know,” Jeff says. “I’m not even going to reply to the message.”

They drive in silence.

“What would you do if my dad messaged you like that?” Abed asks.

“Well, it would be different,” Jeff muses. “For one, I’ve already met your dad. For another, unlike Britta, you _don’t_ owe me money. And finally, your dad would just never do that.”

“Not in a million years,” Abed says. “I’m not too worried about your mom contacting me,” he adds. “She’s probably, what, 100 years old?”

“Wow, Abed, ouch,” Jeff says, laughing. “But to be fair, she is kind of old, and also she doesn’t give a shit who I may or may not owe money to.”

“Does she know we’re dating?” Abed asks.

“No,” Jeff admits. “I don’t talk to her very often.”

“Does she know you date men?” Abed is still holding Jeff’s hand, but he’s staring straight ahead now.

“Abed, what is this, twenty-questions?” Jeff asks, and he wants to turn and look at Abed, but he can’t, because he’s still driving.

“I think I should tell my dad about us,” Abed says, and his voice is thin and uncertain.

“Oh,” Jeff says. “Okay.”

“He doesn’t know I date men,” Abed adds. “I mean, as far as I know. We’ve never talked about it. I don’t think he would care? Except maybe he would?”

“Okay…” 

“It’s probably fine. It’ll be fine. I think. Maybe.”

“Abed.”

“He might get mad, but he probably won’t. Maybe he won’t care at all.”

_“Abed.”_

“There are probably other people in my family who aren’t straight. Although if there were, I’d probably know about them. So maybe there aren’t. Maybe it’s just me. That’s not great.”

Thankfully, they’re finally back at Jeff’s condo, and he parks the car and shuts it off. He turns to look at Abed, who is fluttering his hands as he talks.

“ABED,” he says, interrupting him, and Abed finally looks at Jeff. “Do you think maybe you’re spiralling a little bit?”

“Yeah,” Abed sighs. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. It happens. And everything is fine."

Abed nods.

“This is an important conversation,” Jeff adds. “Can we continue it when it’s not three in the morning?”

Abed nods again, and they get out of the car and head into Jeff’s condo. They walk straight to the bedroom and change back into their pajamas, then settle in under the covers.

“You good?” Jeff asks, kissing Abed on the forehead.

“Yes,” says Abed. “Goodnight. Love you.”

“Goodnight, Abed,” Jeff says, turning out the light. “I love you too.”


	25. The One Where Abed Comes Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue in italics is spoken in Arabic!

Abed doesn’t know what flips the switch, but it’s like as soon as he decides he needs to come out to his dad, he needs to do it _right away,_ and he can’t focus on anything else. He tries to create a script for the conversation, something to hold onto and keep him on track, but he can’t predict how his dad is going to react, and he ultimately decides it’s pointless to try to guess.

Jeff doesn’t understand why it’s such a Big Deal all of a sudden, but that’s okay, because honestly, Abed doesn’t either. He’s not on bad terms with his dad or anything; in fact, they get along quite well, and Abed has dinner with him every week or two. But that kind of makes this worse, the fact that he’s been _lying_ to his dad all this time, even if it’s just a lie of omission. He doesn’t like lying, not unless the plot demands it, and even then, only when absolutely necessary.

“Do you want me to come with you when you tell him?” Jeff asks one afternoon when they’re hanging out in the secret study room. 

Abed is sitting on the table swinging his legs back and forth, and Jeff keeps catching his ankle and squeezing it, and Abed finds it surprisingly reassuring. He’s anxious and he can’t stop moving, clicking a pencil in one hand and tapping on the table with the other and swaying in different directions, which is a thing he does a lot, and it’s one that he never actually notices he’s doing until someone (usually Jeff) points it out to him.

“I don’t know,” Abed says. “On one hand, I feel like my dad might be more comfortable if you’re not there. On the other, _I_ might be more comfortable if you are. Although it might be a little awkward if you are, because we usually speak Arabic together, especially if it’s something important, and if you’re there you won’t understand what we’re saying, obviously…”

“How about this,” Jeff suggests. “We’ll meet for dinner, all three of us. But you arrange to meet with your dad early, and that way the two of you can talk alone, but you’ll know that I’ll be there soon to support you. And if you need me to come early for any reason, just text me, and I’ll be ready.”

“You’d do that for me?” Abed asks shyly, dropping the pencil and reaching for Jeff’s hand. He takes it and holds on tight.

“Of course I would,” Jeff says. “This is a big deal, Abed.”

“Yeah,” Abed says. “It really is. I feel totally unprepared. Like I should have been preparing all this time. Like I should have started preparing as soon as I realized I liked guys, and then maybe by now I’d be ready, I’d know what to do.”

“Nah,” says Jeff. “I started thinking about it when _I_ realized I liked guys, and I’m still not ready.”

“How long ago was that?”

“High school,” Jeff says. “I didn’t tell anyone, though, and it was years before I found out you were allowed to like guys _and_ girls, so up to that point it was just a whole lot of confusion and denial. When did you first know?”

“Well, that’s the problem, I guess,” Abed says. “With what I said about preparing, I mean. Because I kind of feel like I’ve always known. I always knew I was different than other people in a bunch of ways. It’s kind of unavoidable, with the stimming and the meltdowns and, you know, _everything about me._ So it didn’t really occur to me for a long time that it might matter, liking both guys and girls. I knew most guys only liked girls, but I didn’t really care that I was different in that way. At the same time, I had already gotten really used to trying my best to hide my differences, so...I just kind of hid that one along with the others.”

“And you’ve never talked to your dad about it at all? Not even in the abstract?”

“No,” Abed says. “Honestly, I’ve always mostly tried to connect to my dad through movies, and there aren’t really movies about people like me. If there are, they certainly aren’t ones I had access to growing up.”

“Do you know how he feels about same-sex relationships, like, in general?”

“I don’t _think_ he has a problem with it?” Abed says. “But I can’t tell if that’s real or if I’m just making that up to make myself feel better. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that most of what we talk about, and have always talked about, involves either movies, falafel, me being fucked up, or my mom leaving.”

“Ouch,” says Jeff.

“It’s not bad, necessarily,” Abed says. “We’re just not really close, and we don’t talk about, like, current events or politics or anything like that, which is the only way I can see gay rights coming up organically.”

“So do you know how you’ll bring it up when you talk to him?”

“Just go for it, I guess,” Abed says. “Before I lose my nerve. Speaking of losing my nerve, I’m going to call him now and plan dinner. Are you available tomorrow night?”

“Yup,” Jeff says. “Perfect.”

Abed calls his dad and gets it all set up, and then he tries to calm down, because there’s really nothing else he can do right now. It stays on his mind, though, throughout the rest of the day and all of the next, and it feels like no time has passed when suddenly he’s in Jeff’s car on the way to his dad’s house.

Jeff pulls up out front and promises to come back in an hour for dinner, and that he’ll have his phone with him if Abed needs him earlier than that.

“I love you,” Jeff says. “It’s going to be okay. And I’m here for you. Okay?”

“Okay,” Abed says. “I love you too. See you soon.” He leans over and kisses Jeff, then jumps out of the car and walks quickly to the house, his whole body vibrating with anxiety.

 _“Hi Abed,”_ Gobi Nadir calls from the kitchen when Abed lets himself inside. _“Come on in.”_

 _“Hi,”_ Abed says. _“It smells good in here.”_

 _“Thank you,”_ Gobi says. _“I thought I’d cook for you and your friend. You said he’s coming later?”_

 _“Yeah,”_ Abed says. _“I wanted to talk to you about something first.”_

_“Do you want some tea? I just put some water on.”_

_“Sure,”_ Abed says, and sits down at the dining room table. He takes a canister of putty out of his pocket and starts to play with it.

 _“You’re still playing with those things?”_ Gobi asks several minutes later when he returns with the tea. He sits down across from Abed.

 _“Yes,”_ Abed says. _“I probably always will. They help me.”_

 _“Okay,”_ Gobi says. _“What did you want to talk to me about?”_

 _“I want to tell you something,”_ Abed says. _“I’m nervous. It’s important.”_

 _“Did something happen? Are you okay?”_ Gobi leans forward, looking concerned. 

_“No, nothing happened.”_ Abed says. _“I’m fine. I’m really good, actually.”_

 _“Did you meet a girl, then?”_ Gobi asks, visibly relaxing.

 _“Not a girl,”_ Abed says. He stares into the space over his dad’s shoulder.

 _“Not a girl?”_ Gobi says skeptically, and then waits.

 _“I’m dating a man,”_ Abed blurts out. _“Jeff. You’ve met him. He’s coming to dinner tonight.”_ He decides it would be awkward to mention that Jeff played Gobi in Abed’s movie freshman year, and he hopes his dad doesn’t make that connection.

 _“How long have you been dating this Jeff?”_ Gobi asks, his face unreadable to Abed.

 _“A few months now,”_ Abed says.

 _“You never said anything to me about him,”_ Gobi says, and he sounds a little disappointed.

 _“I didn’t know how you would react,”_ Abed says, and he’s beginning to panic a little bit. _“Honestly, I still don’t know how you’re reacting. Could you give me a clue? I can’t tell from your face.”_

 _“You’ve taken me by surprise, Abed,”_ Gobi says.

 _“That still doesn’t really answer my question,”_ Abed says desperately. “ _Are you upset? Are you happy for me?”_

 _“I love you, Abed. I want you to be happy. If you are happy, I am happy.”_ Gobi smiles finally, and it’s like a weight falls off of Abed’s shoulders.

 _“Really?”_ Abed says. _“You’re not angry or upset or convinced I’ll change my mind?”_

 _“What kind of TV shows have you been watching, Abed?”_ Gobi asks pointedly.

_“Literally all of them.”_

_“Well, I’m not angry or upset,”_ Gobi insists. _“And you can change your mind if you want, it doesn’t matter. What matters is you have found someone who loves you, and you love him, and that’s not an easy thing to find. You need to hang on to that.”_

_“I will.”_

_“He takes care of you? When you have problems?”_

_“Always.”_

_“He understands that some things are harder for you?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“He treats you with respect?”_

_“Totally.”_

_“He knows how to cook well?”_

_“Um.”_

_“Abed. How could you find a partner who doesn’t cook well?”_

_“I don’t cook well either!”_

_“That’s the point! You need someone to cook for you, or you’re going to spend your whole life eating those noodles!”_

_“I would spend my whole life eating those noodles even if I were dating a gourmet chef!”_

_“You need to branch out more! It’s not healthy!”_

_“What is happening right now? I just came out to you and now we’re fighting about noodles!”_

_“That’s maybe the best thing we could be fighting about, in these circumstances.”_

_“I’m feeding myself fine, you don’t have to worry.”_

_“I love you, Abed. No matter what you eat or who you love.”_

_“I love you too. Thank you.”_

Abed and his father both stand up abruptly and Abed falls into Gobi’s arms. They’re both bony and thin but the hug is warm and comforting nonetheless, and Abed can’t remember the last time they hugged like this. His dad squeezes him like he doesn’t want to ever let go, like Abed is the most important thing in the world to him, and he probably is. 

_“I love you,”_ Gobi whispers again into Abed’s shoulder. _“Thank you for being honest with me.”_

 _“I love you too,”_ Abed murmurs.

There’s a buzzing sound, Abed’s phone vibrating on the table. He bends down slightly to pick it up, and it’s a text message from Jeff:

**I’m here whenever you’re ready.**


	26. The One With the Falafel Dinner

Jeff has been sitting in his car down the road from Abed’s dad’s house ever since he dropped Abed off, wanting to be close by in case he needs him. When it finally reaches the time they agreed upon to meet for dinner, he drives a short way down the block and texts Abed to let him know that he’s there. He’s not sure what to expect, whether or not no news is good news in this situation. He’s staring at his phone waiting for a text back from Abed when there’s a _tap tap tap_ on the window and he nearly has a heart attack. 

It’s just Abed, of course, looking a little amused. Jeff gets out of the car and Abed wraps him in a hug.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he says. “Also, hi.”

“Hi,” Jeff replies. “It’s okay. I was expecting you to text me back. How did it go?”

“Good,” Abed says, stepping back with a strange look on his face.

“Are you sure?”

“He was more upset about the fact that you’re not a great cook than about the fact that you’re a guy.”

“Wait, you told him I’m not a great _cook?”_

“He _asked,_ Jeff. What was I going to do, lie? I was in the middle of coming out!” Abed rolls his eyes.

“But...why were you talking about whether I can cook?”

_“I don’t know!”_

The longer Jeff looks at Abed, the more he realizes that there is an undercurrent of panic running through him. His jaw is slightly tense. His hands are shaking a little. His eyes are darting all around.

“Okay. Sorry. We don’t have to talk about this right now.”

“It really wasn’t bad, I don’t know why I’m freaking out,” Abed says, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet. 

“It’s a big deal either way,” Jeff says. “Plus, I’m about to go meet a man who basically only knows me as the guy who played him in your movie, which is...maybe not great? If he even remembers me at all.”

“He’ll definitely remember,” Abed says. “But don’t bring it up. If it’s a problem, he will. If it isn’t, there’s no point in turning it into one.”

Jeff nods and shoves his hands in his pockets. Then he thinks better of it and takes one hand out, uses it to grab hold of Abed’s. 

“Ready?” Jeff asks, and Abed nods once.

They get to the front door and Abed lets them inside. Jeff hears Gobi say something in Arabic from the other room, and Abed responds in Arabic, and Jeff thinks it’s an awkward moment for him to realize that Abed speaking other languages is kind of sexy, but there’s nothing to be done about it now. He shakes the thought out of his head for the moment and follows him to the dining room, where the table is all laid out and the food smells _incredible._

“Hello, Jeff,” Gobi says, holding out his hand. Jeff shakes it.

“Nice to see you,” he says.

“I understand you and my son are an _item,”_ Gobi says severely, eyes narrowed. “What are your intentions with him?” The juxtaposition of slang with the tone of his voice and the look on his face catches Jeff off guard. He doesn’t say anything, his brain completely blank. He opens his mouth, then closes it again.

Abed says something in Arabic, and Gobi grins. Jeff looks at Abed.

“He’s messing with you,” Abed explains. 

“I’m sorry,” Gobi says, and pats Jeff on the back. “I am very happy for both of you.”

“Thank you,” Jeff says, his face hot. This isn’t really how he expected this to go.

“Come, sit down. Let us eat. Do you like falafel? I notice Abed has never brought you to my falafel restaurant, so I made it for you. But maybe he’s never brought you because you don’t like falafel. I don’t know, because he never told me you were dating until about fifteen minutes ago.”

Abed begins to speak, throwing his arms up in the air, and Jeff thinks he hears the phrase “passive-aggressive” in there, in the middle of all the Arabic. Gobi responds, and they aren’t really shouting, just talking over each other, so Jeff decides to sit down. The head of the table is obviously Gobi’s spot, and Jeff spies a can of Abed’s putty at another place setting, so he takes the third.

When they finally stop talking, Gobi puts his hand on Abed’s back and Abed nods and then both of them sit down.

“Sorry,” Abed says to Jeff. 

“Everything okay?” Jeff asks, trying to make it clear he’s asking both of them.

“Yes,” Gobi says. “We didn’t get a chance to talk very long before you showed up. I am still processing things a little bit. I apologize for being--” he narrows his eyes at Abed _“--passive-aggressive.”_

Out of the corner of his eye, Jeff sees Abed nodding indignantly.

“No problem,” Jeff says. “I love falafel, and we’ll definitely come to your restaurant sometime soon.”

Gobi nods and starts serving the food, and they don’t talk much while they eat. Jeff notices he only serves Abed about half of the dishes that are on the table, and it makes his heart swell a little to know that Abed’s preferences are still second-nature to Gobi, despite the fact that as far as he knows, it’s been quite a while since Abed’s dad has cooked for him. They always just eat at the restaurant, and Abed orders what he wants. 

“You know,” Gobi says. “When I first met you, I never would have imagined you dating my son. I figured you were with that blonde girl who thinks she knows how to take care of Abed better than me.”

“I was,” Jeff blurts out without thinking. “Kind of. I mean, not really. Actually, it wasn’t…”

“You know you don’t owe my dad an explanation, right, Jeff?” Abed asks, and Jeff thinks he might be trying not to laugh.

“Right,” Jeff says, flustered. “Um, I would like to make it clear that she doesn't know how to take care of Abed better than you. And I think she knows that now.”

“Good,” Gobi says, and takes a sip of water. “Do _you_ know how to take care of Abed?”

“I don’t think it’s my _job_ to take care of Abed,” Jeff says slowly. “Abed can take care of himself.”

“You’re right. I phrased that poorly. Sorry, Abed,” he adds, seeing the nonplussed look on Abed’s face. “What I mean is, my son has difficulties with some things. You know this?”

“Yes,” Jeff says. “Everybody has difficulties. Abed and I take care of each other.”

Gobi nods, looking satisfied with that answer. 

“You will come with us next time we have dinner, me and Abed?” he asks. 

“I’d love to,” Jeff replies.

The rest of the dinner goes smoothly, and Gobi sends them home with leftovers, which Jeff appreciates, and they set a date to have dinner at the restaurant, all three of them.

“That wasn’t so bad, right?” Abed asks in the car on the way back to Jeff’s place.

“No, it really wasn’t,” Jeff agrees. “How do you feel about it, though?”

“Good,” Abed says thoughtfully. “It went better than I expected. And now it’s done.”

They get to Jeff’s, and once inside they put the leftovers away and then cuddle up on the couch, Abed under a knit blanket, Jeff with his arm around Abed. It’s quiet and calm and easy. Jeff runs his fingers through Abed’s hair, gently massaging his scalp and playing with the baby hairs at his temples.

“Your hair is getting long,” Jeff comments. “It’s starting to curl a little bit.”

“I know,” Abed says. “I should cut it.”

“You don’t _have_ to.”

“Do you like it long?” Abed asks, tilting his head up to look at Jeff.

“I like it always,” Jeff says. “But it looks nice how it is. That’s all I’m saying.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Abed says thoughtfully. “Troy usually cuts it for me.”

“Really? Why?” Jeff asks, surprised. 

“It’s cheaper and I don’t like strangers touching my face.” Abed shrugs. “He’s been doing it ever since we moved in together.”

“I could learn how to do it,” Jeff says shyly. “If, you know, you wanted me to.”

_“Do_ you _want_ to?”

“I don’t know. I never thought about it before.”

“Well,” Abed says. “We can discuss it. Right now, can we go lay in your bed? I’m kind of exhausted and probably going to fall asleep soon.”

“Sure,” Jeff says. He swoops Abed up in his arms and carries him to the bedroom, the blanket still wrapped around him.


	27. The One With the Sexting

It's afternoon, and they're in study group, and they have a test coming up, so everyone is studying silently. Abed notices that Jeff is in a bad mood; he keeps snapping at everyone, and he seems like he'd rather be anywhere else, and he's on his phone more than usual. Abed doesn't want to make it worse, so he doesn't say anything, just tries to look encouraging whenever Jeff catches his eye. He isn't sure if he's successful. 

They've been there for about half an hour when Abed gets a text message. It surprises him, because most of the people who usually text him are currently in the room with him. When he checks it, he finds that it's from Jeff: 

**You should take your hoodie off.**

Abed glances up, confused, but Jeff is staring at his phone and seems to be deliberately avoiding looking at Abed. Abed texts him back.

**ABED: Why?**

**JEFF: I like looking at your arms.**

**ABED: I don't understand.**

**JEFF: You have sexy arms, Abed.**

**ABED: But we're in study group right now.**

**JEFF: I'm not allowed to want you when we're in study group?**

**ABED: It's just an odd request.**

**JEFF: An odd request would be if I asked you to promise to stay in your seat no matter what until study group is over.**

**ABED: Why is that an odd request?**

**JEFF: Because I don’t want you to leave when I keep texting you and telling you all the things I wish we were doing right now.**

**JEFF: And the places where I wish I was touching you.**

**JEFF: And the noises I wish you were making.**

Abed squirms in his seat and looks at Jeff with wide eyes, willing him to look up. He does, for the briefest of moments, and then looks back down at his phone, a grin spreading on his face. 

**JEFF: How's it going?**

**ABED: What are you doing??**

**JEFF: Just trying to make a shitty day a little more interesting.**

**JEFF: Wait til you see what I have in mind when we get out of here.**

**ABED: We could just leave now.**

**JEFF: Nope. I like seeing you squirm.**

**JEFF: I like knowing what I'm doing to you.**

Abed scoots closer to the table and focuses on keeping his face blank. Inside, he feels like a volcano, hot and churning. He can't help shifting in his chair, though, and Britta notices. 

"Are you okay, Abed?" she asks, frowning. 

"I'm fine," Abed says, and he thinks his voice sounds normal, and he hopes his face isn't as red as it feels. 

"Are you sure? It looked like maybe someone texted you bad news or something." 

Jeff starts coughing uncontrollably and reaches for his water bottle. 

"It's nothing," Abed says. "I'd rather not discuss it," he adds, for good measure. 

"Okay," Britta says. "We're here if you need us." 

Abed nods, and then his phone vibrates. 

**JEFF: I need you.**

**JEFF: I need you on top of this table.**

**JEFF: Or under it. Or on the couch. Or against the wall.**

Now Abed is the one coughing, and Britta pats him on the back, and he just sort of nods so she'll stop. He still feels like a volcano, only more like one that's ready to erupt, and he's already wondering how he's even going to get out of this room when study group ends, because he's certain his arousal is more than noticeable right now. 

**ABED: What is your endgame here?**

**JEFF: I hadn't thought that far ahead. Come to my place after this?**

**ABED: Okay. I hope this is improving your day.**

**JEFF: It really, really is.**

**JEFF: I love watching you like this and knowing it's because of me.**

**JEFF: I hope you know how much I want you. How hard it is to keep my hands off of you.**

**JEFF: Speaking of things that are hard…**

**ABED: You too?**

**JEFF: You didn't think I'd make you go through this alone, did you?**

**ABED: Kind of. This new knowledge is making my situation even more dire.**

**JEFF: Good.**

Abed looks up at Jeff again, and this time Jeff makes and holds eye contact, and too late, Abed realizes that this was a bad idea, because the look on Jeff's face is pure desire, and Abed feels like a raw nerve. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. 

"Okay," Annie says, standing up, and apparently study group is over. "See you guys tomorrow!" 

Everyone but Jeff and Abed stands up and starts packing up their things and heading out the door. Abed waves, and thankfully, no one really tries to talk to him except Troy, who asks if he's coming home now. 

"I'm going to Jeff's," Abed says. "He'll give me a ride home." 

"Stay the night," Jeff says. "I'll bring you to school in the morning." 

"Cool," Abed says. "Cool cool cool." 

"Cool," Troy agrees, because this isn't unusual. "See you tomorrow, buddy. Bye, Jeff." 

"Bye," Jeff says, and Troy leaves, and then Jeff and Abed are finally, finally alone. Jeff glances out the doorway, presumably to check that the coast is clear, and then he gets up and shuts the door.

“So,” Abed says, moving to sit on the table. “What the _hell_ has gotten into you?”

Jeff walks over and kisses him, and it’s a crashing, bruising kiss, teeth against teeth, hot and sloppy, and Abed groans into his mouth without meaning to.

“It’s been a shitty day,” Jeff says. “You’re making it better.”

“Cool, okay, that’s good, but also you have to stop,” Abed gasps. “We can’t do this right here.”

“Why not?” hisses Jeff, putting his hands on Abed’s waist.

“One, because anyone could walk in at any time,” Abed says. “Two, you’re about to make me come.”

“I haven’t even touched you,” Jeff says, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, well, it turns out that’s not a prerequisite,” Abed mutters. “Can we _please_ get out of here?”

“Fine,” Jeff says with a smirk, and Abed hops down from the table and grabs his messenger bag, positioning it so it’s hanging in front of him. They leave the study room, and Abed starts to turn towards the parking lot when Jeff grabs his arm. 

“What--”

“Our secret study room has a lock on the door,” Jeff reminds him. “And it’s a lot closer than my condo. And it’s late enough in the day that there aren’t too many people around. And--”

“You had me at ‘lock on the door,’” Abed interrupts, and starts walking faster.

They get to the room and lock the door and Jeff pushes Abed up against the table and kisses him again like before, only this time Abed sits on the table and wraps his legs around Jeff, pulling him closer, and puts his arms around him, clawing desperately at his back. Jeff pulls Abed’s hoodie off.

“I’ve been waiting for this all afternoon,” he growls.

“Wait, my arms really do turn you on?”

“Yeah,” Jeff says. “I mean, all of you turns me on, but...I think it’s because you always wear hoodies and cardigans, so your arms are always covered up. And the only time I really see them is when we’re having sex or sleeping. And it kind of makes me feel special, like I’m the only one who gets to see them.”

“Huh,” says Abed, and then goes back to kissing Jeff, pressing up against him, and Jeff runs his hands up and down Abed’s bare arms, giving him goosebumps. 

“God, I love you,” Jeff says roughly. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable today. I couldn’t--”

“No, it’s fine,” Abed gasps. “Just, please stop talking, I need you to...I’m going to…”

Jeff starts kissing him again and slides his hands under Abed’s t-shirt. Abed whimpers and tries to press himself even closer to Jeff, feeling frantic and needy. Jeff rocks his hips into Abed’s, and that’s all it takes, and the noise Abed makes as he comes is raw and wrecked and, thankfully, muffled against Jeff’s shoulder. 

He whimpers a little, overwhelmed, and Jeff steps back to give him space. He doesn’t want space, though, he wants Jeff, and he wants to give Jeff what he needs, so he pulls him closer and reaches a hand out, kisses Jeff and touches Jeff, keeps it up until Jeff falls apart, until he bites his lip to keep quiet and relaxes for the first time all day.

“Cool,” Abed says, after a few moments of quiet. “That was awesome. But can we please go to your condo now so I can change?”

“Yeah,” Jeff says, grinning, and he takes Abed’s hand. “Let’s go.”


	28. The One With the Bad Brain Day

Abed knows as soon as he wakes up that it’s going to be a Bad Brain Day, and he thinks about just staying home. He thinks about it while he drags himself out of bed and gets dressed, and he thinks about it as he skips breakfast and walks to school to try to clear his head. He thinks about it as he shuffles into his and Jeff’s secret study room, and as he curls up in the far back corner and rests his chin on his knees.

“Abed?” Jeff says as he enters the room.

“Yeah,” Abed says thinly, unsure if Jeff can even hear him, but he does, and he walks over to the corner and pulls out a chair, sitting on it backwards and facing him.

“God, I didn’t even see you,” Jeff says. “Why are you on the floor?”

Abed shrugs. “Bad brain,” he mutters, hoping it’s an adequate explanation. He doesn’t look at Jeff. 

“Are you okay?” Jeff asks, concerned. He leans forward, closer to Abed.

Abed means to nod. He means to find a way to convince Jeff he’ll be fine, and to go about his day, and Abed will get through it. He means to ignore the mess churning inside his brain until it goes away, as if that has ever once worked in his entire life. 

Instead, he shakes his head and lets his forehead fall to his knees, and he wraps his arms around his legs and squeezes in an attempt to make himself as small as possible. In an attempt to disappear.

“Can I touch you?” Jeff asks softly, and it’s a simple question, but it’s one most people don’t ask, and Abed appreciates it, and he doesn’t know how to convey that to Jeff.

He also doesn’t know whether he _does_ want to be touched, because on one hand he’s incredibly anxious and scattered and feels removed from his body, and maybe the comfort of contact from another human would help to ground him, especially if that human is Jeff. On the other hand, he’s feeling a little bit buzzy and agitated and overwhelmed, and maybe touch isn’t what he needs at all, maybe that will just make it worse.

Abed realizes it’s been a long time since Jeff asked the question, and he feels like a jerk for ignoring him, even though that’s not actually what he’s doing. He’s sure that’s what it looks like. He lifts his head up just enough to look at Jeff.

“I don’t know,” he says, and cringes at how his voice sounds, all floaty and distant. “You can try.”

Jeff reaches out and touches a hand to Abed’s back, and Abed recoils violently before he even realizes what’s happening. He flinches so hard he falls over, and then he hates himself so much he just stays there, lying on the dirty floor of the study room curled up like a bug. He yanks the hood of his sweatshirt over his head in an attempt to hide, and hopes that Jeff will just leave before he manages to completely destroy everything they’ve built over the last 9 months.

Jeff doesn’t leave, though. Abed can hear him sit back down in his chair, and he waits a little while before he speaks.

“Are you okay?” he asks, for the second time in ten minutes.

Abed wishes he could explain to Jeff what’s going on, why he’s acting like this, why he’s feeling this way. He wishes he had words to describe the mess in his head, the different pieces of things poking out at odd angles, things that he can’t quite place or understand. 

He wishes this were straightforward, simple, direct, but it’s none of those things. It’s cloudy and jumbled and confusing and scary, and he doesn’t know how it started, so he doesn’t know how to end it. 

He wants to sit down with whatever it is that is growing and spreading throughout his brain, he wants to take a sample of it and test it and tease out the answer, find out what it is and how to get rid of it. 

Instead, he lays curled up on the floor, hood covering his eyes, and hates himself.

He lays there for a long time, and maybe he even falls asleep for a bit, and he knows Jeff is still there, hasn’t left the room, not even for class or study group. Abed feels bad enough about missing his own classes and responsibilities. He hates that he’s causing Jeff to miss his own, too. 

Eventually he sits up. He stays on the floor, sits with his back against the wall, and looks up at Jeff, who comes and sits next to him. He’s careful not to touch Abed, but Abed thinks maybe he could handle it now. Maybe he wants it now, the feeling of another human being connecting with him. He reaches for Jeff’s hand, and Jeff carefully laces their fingers together and squeezes once.

It’s like that small action flips a switch, and Abed just starts crying. No -- _sobbing._ He falls against Jeff’s shoulder and lets himself be consumed by the unnamed thing that is haunting him, surrendering fully, putting all of his faith into Jeff to keep him safe. He can’t see anything, his eyes screwed shut and full of tears, and he can’t hear anything over the sound of his own chaotic gasping and sniffling. 

He feels Jeff slip his arm around his shoulders and pull him closer and Abed uses that as an anchor, something to keep him from losing himself completely. He wraps his own arms around Jeff’s middle and holds onto him as if his life depends on it. 

Abed doesn’t feel _better_ when he finally stops crying, but the thick fog he imagines to be occupying his brain seems to be a little bit lighter, both in terms of density and color. And he thinks maybe he can breathe a little bit easier. He doesn’t let go of Jeff, continues to cling to him for a long time, and Jeff doesn’t move or shift or say anything. He’s just there. He’s there for Abed.

When Abed does let go of Jeff, he turns toward him and tries not to imagine what his own face must look like. Jeff looks good, Jeff _always_ looks good, but his face is pinched with worry, and Abed feels another stab of guilt in his gut.

“Can we, um. Leave?” he asks. He should never have come here today. He should have just stayed in bed.

“Of course,” Jeff says. “Your place or mine?”

“You can just drop me off at my apartment,” Abed says quickly, awkwardly, like he hasn’t spent the better part of a year in a serious relationship with Jeff. “I mean, if you don’t mind. I know you have class and stuff. Actually, I can just walk home, don’t even worry about it…” He can hear himself speaking, but it’s like he’s watching from over his own shoulder. And cringing.

“Hey, hey. Abed. Hey. Stop,” Jeff says, interrupting. “I _want_ to be with you right now, and I _want_ to be with you for the rest of the day. If you want to be with me. If you want to be alone, I understand. But don’t send me away for _my_ sake, okay?”

Abed nods. 

“Your place, I guess,” he mumbles. “I just want to go to bed. Yours is comfier.”

Jeff laughs at that, and helps Abed stand up. His legs feel funny from being scrunched up to his body for such a long time, and he wobbles for a second, and Jeff catches him.

They get to the car, and Jeff turns it on, and then he turns to face Abed.

“If there’s anything you want or need to talk about,” he says, “you know I’m here, right?”

“Yeah,” Abed says. “I just…” He shrugs.

“I know,” Jeff says. “Sometimes you don’t have the words. That’s okay. I have those days, too.”

Abed knows that he does, and that’s how he can trust that Jeff is being sincere, that all of this is sincere. That Jeff probably doesn’t actually hate him for this.

They drive in silence, Abed with his face pressed against the window, staring at nothing. When they get to Jeff’s condo, he kicks off his shoes in the foyer and then walks straight to Jeff’s bed and lays down.

“Here,” Jeff says, pulling some sweatpants and a t-shirt out of a drawer. “Put these on and get in bed. Maximum comfort.”

Abed quickly changes and then dives under the covers, curling up into a little ball even though the bed is king size. Jeff sits down beside him.

“Do you want to be alone?” he asks. “Or do you want me to lay with you? Or do you need anything?”

“Don’t need anything,” Abed says, already sleepy. “And you can lay with me. Please. If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind,” Jeff says, slipping under the covers and wrapping himself around Abed. “It’s going to be okay, you know,” he adds. “Whatever it is. You won’t feel like this forever.”

Abed responds by twisting around and kissing Jeff on the mouth. Then he pulls the covers over his head and falls asleep.


	29. The One Where Abed Falls Up the Stairs

Jeff stays over a lot at Abed’s apartment, and tries to help out when he’s there. One Saturday morning he’s doing the breakfast dishes when Abed leaves to take the garbage to the dumpster outside. Jeff is humming along to the radio, fully immersed in his task, when it strikes him that Abed has been gone kind of a long time. He rinses his hands and wipes them on his jeans as he heads out of the apartment and down to the parking lot where the dumpster is. 

He makes it down the top two flights of stairs before he sees Abed crumpled up on the ground at the bottom of the third.

Jeff’s heart drops and he takes the rest of the steps three at a time, gripping the railing for balance, until he reaches Abed. He’s in a full panic, but he’s relieved to discover that Abed is fully conscious. He’s propped up against the railing, wriggling around awkwardly, and looks both dismayed and relieved when he sees Jeff.

“I was trying to get my phone to text you,” he explains weakly. “But I can’t, um, move.”

“What the hell happened??” Jeff asks frantically. “Are you okay?”

“I fell up the stairs,” Abed mutters.

_ “Up _ the stairs?” 

“And then down them.”

“Abed…”

“I don’t know, I was going up the stairs, and then my foot got caught and I tripped forward and I felt something pop and crackle in my leg. And it was really painful, and when I tried to move I fell backwards down the stairs and ended up here.” The explanation seems to sap all of Abed’s strength, because he just kind of slumps against the railing looking defeated.

“Is it just your leg?” Jeff asks, glancing over the rest of Abed for any obvious injuries.

“I scraped my hands a little,” Abed says. “But that’s it, I think.”

“Can you move your leg? Do you need me to take you to the hosp--”

“No!” Abed shouts, his eyes huge and expression dead serious. “No doctors.”

“Abed, you could be seriously hurt.”

“I’m not,” he says. “I’m fine. Can you just help me get inside?” He tries to stand up but as soon as he tries to straighten his right leg he gasps and freezes, and Jeff barely catches him before he falls back to the ground.

“Abed, it could be broken,” Jeff says. “You need to see a doctor.”

“It’s not broken,” Abed insists. “I can move it, look.” Jeff watches as he slowly moves his ankle from side to side.

“It could still be a serious injury,” Jeff says.

“Or I just pulled a muscle and it’ll be fine. We can Google it when we get back to the apartment. I just need you to help me get inside.”

“Abed…”

“Please, Jeff,” Abed says, and he sounds panicked and desperate and like he might cry.

“Fine,” Jeff sighs. “But this discussion isn’t over. I’m going to pick you up, okay?”

Abed nods, and Jeff notices how pale he is and how small he looks. He bends down and very gently and cautiously scoops Abed up in his arms, one under his back and one under his knees, like a bride. He’s careful with Abed’s injured leg, but even so, Abed’s eyes are squeezed shut and he’s taking deep breaths in through his nose and out through his mouth, and Jeff feels like his heart is breaking

He carries Abed up all three flights of stairs and then pauses awkwardly at the door. He doesn’t want to set Abed down, but he can’t reach the doorknob, either, so he kicks the door a couple of times, hoping Troy or Annie will hear it.

Troy does, and he opens the door looking irritated until he sees Jeff and Abed, and then he leaps out of the way to let them through.

“What happened?” he cries, as Jeff gently deposits Abed on the couch.

“Fell up the stairs,” Abed gasps, as Jeff sets him down on the couch and gathers some pillows to elevate Abed’s leg. Then he goes into the kitchen in search of ice while Abed tells Troy the details.

By the time Jeff comes back with a couple of bags of  _ very _ freezer burned vegetables wrapped in a towel, Troy is looking at Abed’s leg and having Abed try to move it in different directions.

“I don’t think it’s too serious,” Troy says.

“Oh, are you a doctor now?” Jeff asks snarkily.

“No, but I’ve played football for a lot of years,” Troy shoots back. “I know what a pulled muscle acts like. And that’s what Abed has, I think.”

“Which means I don’t need to go to the doctor,” Abed says pointedly to Jeff, who rolls his eyes.

“Fine, but if it gets worse…”

“I’ll help you make him go, I promise,” Troy says.

“Good,” Jeff says.

“I should have never introduced you two,” Abed grumbles.

Jeff kisses him on top of the head and hands the peas to Abed. 

“Put these where it hurts,” he says. “I’m going to get you some ibuprofen. Do you need anything else?”

“No,” Abed says. “Thank you for taking care of me. Again.”

“Don’t start with that,” Jeff says. “I’ll always take care of you. I’ll enjoy it, even. Just like you do for me.”

He brings Abed the ibuprofen and holds his hand while he swallows the pills, because he knows how much Abed hates the way they feel going down. Then he snuggles up next to him on the couch and they watch TV until Abed falls asleep.

It does get worse, or at least, it doesn’t get any better. Three days later Troy and Jeff sit down with Abed to convince him to go to the doctor. 

“No,” says Abed.

“You need to get it looked at,” Jeff insists.

“No,” says Abed.

“Buddy, you can’t keep going like this,” Troy encourages.

“No,” says Abed.

“We’ll both go with you,” Jeff says. “Right, Troy?”

“Yeah, for sure,” Troy says. “We’ll stay with you the entire time. You won’t have to be alone or anything.”

“And we can bring your headphones,” Jeff adds. “You can listen to music. We’ll do most of the talking for you.”

“And we’ll take you to one of those urgent care places where you don’t have to wait,” Troy adds.

Abed lets his head flop back on the couch, where he’s spent most of his time since getting hurt. He squeezes his hands into fists and relaxes, then does the same with his face, scrunching it up and then relaxing. Jeff knows this is his way of trying to calm himself down.

“Fine,” he says eventually, and he’s barely got the word out before Troy is calling to set up an appointment.

True to their word, Jeff and Troy take Abed to the doctor together. Jeff carries him, because he can’t put any weight on his foot, and also because Jeff secretly loves carrying Abed. When they get to the waiting room, Abed puts on his head phones and Jeff and Troy try to do the paperwork themselves, only interrupting Abed for help when absolutely necessary.

They call Abed back, and Jeff carries him with Troy right there beside them. Abed doesn’t remove his headphones when the nurse takes his vital signs. He leaves them on until the last possible moment, when the doctor finally arrives and starts asking questions. Jeff holds his hand.

In the end, the doctor says Abed has a torn calf muscle. He puts his leg in a boot and gives him a pair of crutches, which Troy carries as they leave because Jeff would rather keep carrying Abed for the moment, and Abed seems desperate to be held. His leg should heal in 6-8 weeks, news which is not well received by Abed, who is already losing his mind because he hasn’t been able to run for 3 days. 

They get home and Jeff helps Abed to settle on the couch. He sits down next to him.

“Should I go home?” Jeff asks.

“Now?” Abed tilts his head.

“Tonight,” Jeff says. “I’ve been staying here so I could carry you around, but now you have crutches and I wondered if you’re sick of me and want me to go home.”

“I could never get sick of you,” Abed says. “But if  _ you _ want to go home, I understand.”

“Do you mean that?” Jeff asks. “That you could never get sick of me?”

“Of course I do,” Abed says. “Why?”

“Because I want to ask you something,” Jeff says. “And I’m nervous.”

“Just ask,” Abed says earnestly. 

“I wondered how you would feel about moving in with me,” Jeff says in a rush.


	30. The One Where They Move In Together

It’s a good thing Jeff is sitting next to Abed, because Abed reflexively tries to stand up and Jeff pushes his hand down on his good leg to stop him. He grabs Abed’s crutches and holds them out to him.

“Need these?”

“No, actually,” Abed replies sheepishly. “I don’t want to go anywhere. That was just my natural reaction, I guess.”

“Your natural reaction to me asking you to move in with me was to flee,” Jeff says. “That’s not great, is it?”

“It is, though,” Abed argues. “It shows I care enough to have a natural reaction at all. Besides, if I were going to say no, I wouldn’t do it by running away.”

 _“Are_ you going to say no?”

Abed bites his lip.

“What about Troy and Annie?” he asks. “They need my part of the rent.”

“Well, that’s the thing,” Jeff says slowly. “Britta’s looking for a place. And so I thought if you moved in with me, she could move in here. I, uh, might have already brought the idea up with the rest of them, and they all thought it could work out really well.”

“That would be perfect,” Abed whispers, without even thinking about it. 

“It would?” Jeff asks hopefully.

“Yeah,” Abed says, slower this time, more carefully. “Yeah, it really, really would.” 

He almost has the wind knocked out of him as Jeff flings his arms around him and squeezes him tightly. 

“You’re really saying you’ll move in with me?” he says softly in Abed’s ear.

“I really, am,” Abed says, and Jeff kisses him on the neck, sucking hard enough to make Abed shudder. “I’m saying I’ll move in with you,” he repeats, to see if Jeff will do it again, and he does. “I’ll move in with you,” he says a third time, just a breath, and Jeff sighs softly and leaves what Abed is sure must be a very visible mark on his skin.

“Troy left, right?” Jeff asks. “And Annie’s gone?”

“Yeah,” Abed says. “It’s just us.”

“Good,” Jeff says, and moves over so he’s straddling Abed, careful not to accidentally kick his leg. “Remember the first time we did this?” he asks, kissing Abed deeply.

“We were reversed that time,” Abed says, remembering very well indeed. “I was on top of you. I put my hand in your hair and--”

“And you did _this,”_ Jeff says, rolling his hips over Abed’s and making him gasp. He does it again, and again as they kiss and touch, and Abed slides his hands up under Jeff’s shirt, exploring.

“And then we, _oh,_ couldn’t… couldn’t go to the bedroom,” Abed adds eventually, his head spinning. “Because I didn’t have one. _I have one now,”_ he adds, the last part coming out more like a moan.

“Can I take you to your bedroom?” Jeff asks.

“God, yes. _Please,”_ Abed says, and Jeff scoops him up and carries him, placing him gently on the bed and then lowering himself on top of him.

“What do you want me to do?” Jeff’s voice is rough.

“Something that doesn’t involve taking off too many clothes,” Abed says. “It takes too long with my leg and I need you _right now.”_

Jeff responds by undoing Abed’s jeans and shoving them down just far enough to let him take Abed in his mouth, and Abed gasps and whimpers, the sensation overwhelming him. He plunges his hands into Jeff’s hair, pulling it just a little, and Jeff sucks harder, and more, and Abed loses track of everything around him.

“We’re going to be able to do this _all the time,”_ he breathes, and that realization makes Jeff hum, his mouth still on Abed, and the vibration is enough to make Abed scream as he comes, then relax into an incoherent puddle while Jeff swallows and smiles and zips him back up.

“How’s it going?” Jeff asks. 

Abed opens and closes his mouth a couple of times, but he can’t form a complete sentence.

“I can’t move,” he says finally. “That was incredible. Take off your pants and come up here.”

Jeff raises an eyebrow at Abed, but Abed just nods. Jeff slips his pants and underwear off and carefully crawls to the head of the bed, until his knees are on either side of Abed’s head, and Abed opens his mouth.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Jeff asks gently, stopping and sitting back a little.

“I can’t move, Jeff,” Abed repeats. “I mean, even when I’m not in a state of post-orgasmic bliss, there’s, you know, the leg. We only have so many options. I want this. But only if you’re comfortable with it.”

“Okay,” Jeff says. “Yes.” 

Abed grins at him, and Jeff carefully lowers himself until Abed can take him in his mouth. As Abed starts to suck, he maintains eye contact, keeping in constant communication. He nods slightly, encouraging him, and Jeff begins thrust a bit. When he starts to go too far, Abed winces a little and he immediately pulls back. Then Abed winks at him, just so he knows everything is still okay.

It’s new and different and incredibly vulnerable for both of them, but Abed does his best to make it good and safe and fun for both of them, too. Jeff braces his hands against the wall as he reaches his climax, presumably to keep from toppling right off the bed. But the sounds he makes tell Abed that this was a good idea. A _very_ good idea, even. Afterwards, Jeff snuggles up next to Abed and they take a nap.

Two weeks later, Abed’s leg is still in the boot, but they’ve managed to pack up all his stuff and take it to Jeff’s. Britta is in the process of moving her things over, and Annie has been creating a new chore chart for what has been renamed Casa de Trobrittannie. Everyone is giddy and excited about the new arrangements, and Troy declares that Jeff’s place should now be known as Chez Jabed, and Jeff rolls his eyes. But Abed can recognize his secret smile, can tell that he loves it, even if he’ll never, ever admit it. 

At home -- _Abed and Jeff’s home -- their home, together -- the home they share_ \-- Abed sits on the bed and Jeff brings him boxes, and they decide together where things should go. Abed doesn’t have too much stuff, really, but he has his posters, which Jeff bought frames for, and his DVD collection, which Jeff found a cool rack for, and his collection of stim toys, which -- well, Jeff cleaned out a whole special cabinet just for those. 

Abed fits in quite easily, it turns out. He already knows the space and feels comfortable here, and he’s delighted at the thought of Jeff having fewer nightmares, or at least having someone nearby to take care of him when he _does_ have nightmares. In this place, Abed feels good and lucky and loved.

Their first night Living Together, they dress the bed with a set of rocketship sheets that Abed fell in love with and Jeff couldn’t bring himself to say no to. They keep the plain dark comforter on top so that, in Jeff’s words, “It still looks like adults sleep here.”

They get into bed and Abed pulls out a battered book that he’s stashed in the night stand.

“Can I read to you?” he asks.

Jeff looks at him. He tries to speak and then clears his throat, like the words got caught. His voice is raspy when he finally does talk, and he tries to hide it, tries to make it seem like being read to is no big deal, like it’s not important for some reason.

“Yeah,” he says. “What book?”

 _“The Phantom Tollbooth,”_ Abed says. “It was one of my favorites as a kid.”

“I never read it,” Jeff says. “I didn’t, uh… I mean, no one really read to me much when I was little.” He clears his throat again. “I always kind of wished somebody would,” he adds softly.

“Perfect. You’re going to love this one.”

Jeff snuggles up to Abed, his head against his shoulder so he can see the pictures, and Abed begins to read.

_“Chapter one. Milo. There was once a boy named Milo who didn’t know what to do with himself -- not just sometimes, but always.”_

He glances over at Jeff, whose eyes are shining.

_“When he was in school he longed to be out, and when he was out he longed to be in. On the way he thought about coming home, and coming home he thought about going.”_

He sneaks another glance. There are tears streaming down Jeff’s cheeks, but he’s staring intently at the page. Abed closes the book and sets it in his lap.

“Don’t stop reading,” Jeff says.

“I won’t,” Abed says. “This is just a pause.” He leans over and kisses Jeff’s cheeks, letting the salty tears transfer to his own lips. Then he licks his lips and kisses Jeff on the mouth and picks the book back up.

_“Wherever he was he wished he were somewhere else, and when he got there he wondered why he’d bothered. Nothing really interested him -- least of all the things that should have.”_

This time he doesn’t stop reading, not even when he hears Jeff start to sob, he just switches the book to the other hand and pulls Jeff even closer. He rubs his hand up and down Jeff’s arm as he reads.

Abed reads to Jeff every night from then on. 

Jeff usually cries. 

Abed always holds him. 

It’s comforting for both of them.

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did it! We made it to the end of this story that started as a one shot and ended up with 30 chapters and over 40,000 words!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you so much for all of your kind and lovely and encouraging comments. I adore and appreciate all of you so very much <3
> 
> Feel free to talk Jabed with me on [Tumblr](http://1mechanicalalligator.tumblr.com) anytime!


End file.
